Thank you both for replying to my post. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and trying to help. If you ever want to share your story or need anything let me know.

Just an update, we begin counseling tomorrow. I don't know that I have much hope though, because I don't think I can ever get over his infedility and lies. I found a porno tape hidden in his closet on Friday that he denined having. He said he uses when I'm not around. But, I'm always there......and he knows my feelings about stuff like that (we've had a lot of fights about porn stuff). I don't understand why he feels the need to do that kind of stuff without me? Anyway, I just feel like he is still lying and keeping things like that from me and I don't want to spend the rest of my life not trusting him and always wondering what he's up to. I hope counseling can help him to understand why lying, hiding things from me, and doing things that he knows will hurt me is wrong in a marriage and very hurtful to the other person. But, I'm not holding my breath. This just sucks, because we are both young (25 & 26), we have a beautiful daughter, and our whole lives ahead of us and I don't know that we can get past this.

Hi Jessm,

Good luck with the counseling. My experiences there were not so great. If we attempt counseling again, I think it will need to be with an MB coach, or even one of the Harleys. I wish you better luck than I had.

About the porn, etc....yes, many men use it. With the internet, many do now that didn't before...it still isn't ok. It is causing problems in your marriage (and has been, ongoing right?) so therefore it is not ok. When I caught my husband amid his prostitute mess, he tried to convince me that lots of men use them, it's ok, that is what they are there for. Oh please. It's not ok. No wife wants her husband using it, no wife wants her husband at a strip club. And then we get into the ONS's etc. It does progress.

Good luck to you...let me know how it goes.

PasDeDeux

Hello Jessm & PD-Deux,

I'm gald to hear that PD-Deux found you. Like many at MB PD-Deux has helped me too.

I am replying to you because myself and my partner are the same age as you and your H.

Similarly, my partner's infifels were meaningless SF. Unfortunately for me it was one plus 20+ time.
In a twisted way I wished he did catch some STD so that he was confronted b4 he could do more damage to the relationship.

Also, my partner prizes himself on honesty and integrity (that is to everyone else except me).
Anway, he believes he is now honest to me. Swears black and blue that he is now committed 100%.
I'm starting to feel that it is too late, and that is his fate/consequence.

I guess, where we're different is that your H promised to you he'd be faithful through his vows to you and God in marriage.
Also, I don't have children to consider.

Having said so, please read as much as you can and counselling with the Harleys sounds like it has worked for many here.
I have tried counselling, but it was no good. It wasn't with the Harleys btw (I wished it had been).
On this, make sure your H is committed to the counselling. That should show his remorse and committment.

Finally, as sad as it is that you have to go through this, at least now you can learn to affair-proof your relationship.
And, a personal note from me, don't sweep it under the carpet after a month or so of talking. I did this twice in my pass and I regret it more than anything.

If he is committed and has learnt his lesson in life, then he won't mind accounting for all his time, money, contacts, friends, etc.

Actually, I do have one more note. Being in our mid-twenties means we still have a lot of partying etc to get out of our system. From the people I know, guys are probably more so. One reason why it was so easy for my partner was because I'd let (push) him go every weekend without me. There's a Harleys lesson in there about this.
I realise it's hard having a child, but you have to work on the marriage first so your child can have a healthy family.

Eli!!!!

Hey pal. Jessm has a thread on the Emotional Needs board about porn addiction/one night stands that might interest you. There is some good discussion there that hits where we have both been.

It sounds like you are in about the same place as last time we talked. So am I. Right now, things seem to be on an upswing and talking about recovery plans, etc. Unfortunately I've been there too many times to put all of my eggs in that basket. Still hoping though.

I think of you often.

PasDeDeux

You are very welcome. Please don't lose hope and if one counselor doesn't work, try another. You sometimes have to shop around to find the right one who is good for you. Not all of them are what it's cracked up to be. Be careful and selective.

Please keep us posted
Zoey