I'm new to the forums but have researched the site and read many other comments in the forums. I hope the Harley's approach can ony help my present situation.

I had a feeling my W was having an A. About 3 weeks ago I caught her and confronted her. I asked her to just talk and get out from all the lies we had been going through lately. She confessed to me that she loves the OM. I just want to rebuild our marriage of 26 years and have told her that. Right now she feels she needs to move out and get her head together. She is aggressively looking for an apartment. She did tell me that maybe someday we may have another chance. I can only hope at this point. I love my wife very much, but presently going through all the emotions everyone does. We talk honestly and truthfully now and I try and make deposits in the love bank when I see opportunity.

When she does move I feel as not to lift a finger to help. The whole scene may be to emotional for me. She's already asked me to help move a dresser up from our basement so she can clean it up this next weekend. I never gave her a definite answer, switched subjects at that point. I can't see how helping could be banking anything. Actually feel like I'm being used because I'm available. Any comments on this issue? Any other threads out there on what may be good banking or not this early in the separation?

I know your going through a really ruff time and uncertain what direction to go. All I can say is right now you can't change your W, all you can do is work on yourself. Stay positive, bringing up all the ugly stuff will only push her further away. If she has made the decision to move, and it sounds like she has, let her take responsibility for it. Be there for her emotionally and if she wants to talk then certainly do so on a constructive note. I have found that the book Relationship Rescues by Dr. Phillip McGraw is a great book and may give you some insite into how you can help yourself. Like I said, now is the time to work on yourself, stay positive and active.
There are a lot of people here at MB that are supportive and understand what your going through so keep coming back.

Quite ironic about her planning on moving out. 3 hours after I wrote to the forum she says she's moving. Found an apartment and wants to borrow my truck this Saturday to help her move. I'll go with the flow right now, and yes I have some things to work out for myself. I'll start doing that. I'll keep in touch, thanks for writing back.