In a prior post I let everyone here know that I found out about my wife's affair with someone that she met at a park next to our local library. She swears that she met this individual a few times and that he was compassionate and caring. After about the third meeting, they engaged in a brief sexual encounter that infected my wife with herpes. She then infected me with herpes and that is how I found out about the affair. She claims that she told this individual to stop after a few moments of sex, but by then he had already climaxed. She tells me that she told him that she could not do this and asked him to stop calling her. She also claims that he has not called her since. I surmise that he knew that he had herpes and told her what she wanted to hear in an effort to trick her into having sex. She is not stupid, I was simply not paying her enough attention at that time. I was tested for HIV and, thank God, do not seem to be infected with HIV, but I now have herpes for life. I am hurt and left wondering if she has had other affairs that I am unaware of. She acts truly sad, and I am inclined to believe that she has not, but it is hard for me to trust her fully at this point. We have been talking a lot more and have been intimate almost every day since I told her that I wanted to work things out. She and I both break down and cry from time to time when we slow down and have time to think about what happened. It's almost like someone knocks the wind out of me when I think about this situation. I have been taking Xanax, which seems to help, but I know that it is not the answer. I also want to track the guy down that infected my wife and I with herpes, as he should have at least had the decency to wear a condom. Maybe God wanted to open my eyes to the way that I was neglecting my wife though and the herpes brought the situation to light. I am very confused and want to love and trust her, but it is very, very hard to simply go about life as usual. What advice can you give me? Will this every get better? Will seeking revenge on this guy make me feel better?

Hi,

I'm sorry to read that you got Herpes. For starter, I do not believe that God would have wanted you to get Herpes to open your eyes to your W's needs. He could do that in other ways.

Educate yourself on Herpes. It is a livable condition. Stress is a trigger for reactions.

It is possible that this man did not know he was active - (but not likely) There are those sick individuals who think - hey, someone infected me, so I will do the same to someone else.

I know you are angry and want to confront him. Instead of taking negative energy, use positive energy and direct it towards our M, as you are trying to do. Negativety breeds negativity. Positivity breeds positivity.

Take care.

mfisher1967,

My WW's OM also has herpes and I beleive he did infected my wife. I did not have it by luck ... I stop SF when my WW's turn cold ... (when PA is happening w/ OM). You are luckier than I am since your W show remorse and want to work out in your M. Please learn as much as you can about MB ... follow how A should end and also put monitoring percautions ... Learn & apply 4 rules of recovery ... care, protect, time & honesty.

About revenge ... I have learn that revenge is not ours. If he keeps doing on what he did he would of easily get infected w/ HIV ... open wound will bring anything right into your blood stream. Let it go.

Please seek help if you can ... specially from Harley's if you cann't doit yourself MB'er. The road to recovery is very narrow ... your W start w/ a good step:remorse ... it should be follow by greif and ammends. Forgiveness will come with time so does trust.

Read SAA & HNHN ... apply the MB concept.
-RH-