I just found out today, I don't want to lose him. I am scared, I am angry, I am a mess. Can anyone give me encouraging words? Does plan A work? He says he loves her, How do I convince him to give us a chance, with each of us giving 100% only to each other? We've been married 13 years and have a 6 year old daughter.

I'm sorry you have to be here, but keep the faith. Read this site, everything on it. I too, just found out about 2 weeks ago. I feel your pain, that knot in your stomach. You did not mention if he is willing to end it with the OW. This, as the site says, would be the first step. I have faith that marriages can be saved after an affair. I also know it will take time and a tremendous amount of strength, time and of course the willingness on my part to be calm and patient. I think that has been the hardest part for me, patience. Call your doctor, I did. Get some anti-depressents to help you be calm and to ensure you get rest and eat. Take care of yourself first. I wish you the best of luck - KEEP READING THIS SITE!!

I will try the doctor. I feel so sick. H has not decided if he wants to give up OW yet. But he is coming back to town (he left to be with her 8 days ago) and is going to get a place to stay here. How long do I give him to decide? Was your's willing right away?

Start with the articles in the Concepts section - particularly the Love Bank, Giver-taker and Love Busters. You will gain a good idea of the desirable and undesirable things to do. You need to give him, generally, about 6 months of Plan A time to decide, then about 6 months of Plan B time.

It is a good sign that he has come back to your town, and not moved in with her.

<small>[ October 06, 2002, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Faithnlove4evr:
<strong>I will try the doctor. I feel so sick. H has not decided if he wants to give up OW yet. But he is coming back to town (he left to be with her 8 days ago) and is going to get a place to stay here. How long do I give him to decide? Was your's willing right away?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Welcome to MB ... learn as much as you can about MB. No one could decide for you how long to wait ... however as rule of thumb, 6 months of good solid plan A. Keep posting to vent here and get second opinion on your situation. -RH-

Like you I just found out. Yes the feelig in your stomach will lessen. Take a deep breath, step back and control your anger. My fist thought was undescribable. But i started reading two books Torn Usunder and Surviving an Affair. I am like you learing. I just wanted answers but not all the details. Come to MB for support. It has helped in many ways to to know there is others who can relate to your pain. If need a friend I am here.

Quietstorm
Hugs go out to You!!!!!

I found out two months ago about my w affair. It has been a long and difficult road. Remember more than anything that we don't "fall in and out of love we fall in and out of choices". If you have a bible close by read Psalms 119 and read it as a love story.

I found out about 5 months ago and if I can give you some incouragement just to tell you that reading what other people just like you and me feel and do in there situation really does help you to focus on what is ahead. Stay strong for your child and focus on starting a plan A, its hard but, I have been in plan A for 3.5 months the first 8 weeks was pure shock and you need to get past that to get start feeling stronger.

god bless, prayers help too.
dw63

I found out a month ago - the one thing that helped me was reading all these stories!! Everybody has gone through this, it seems like! Read a lot, and cry a lot, it will help with the grief. Please read about Plan A and Plan B, that's the most important. If you can, tell your story, I found that telling my whole story made me feel so much better, especially when other people commiserated with almost word for word exact details. Especially the "love you but not in love with you..." gut wrenching. I felt like chopped liver. But mine got a lot better fast. Take care of yourself.

Dear Faith,

welcome in our middle. I can feel your pain. One of the important things that our friends here taught me is that you should not make any hasty decisions while you are in the worst emotional turmoil of your life.

Be strong, although at this time that seems hard to do. Don't let this destroy your self confidence. Read everything on this site: the principles, the posts. Everything. Buy the "His needs, her needs" and "Lovebusters" books. Do the questionnaires to figure out if you did something to contribute to this crisis that you can work on. All this will give you "tools" to work on plan A or B and to handle this situation better.

Try to work on your looks and your attitude. Don't let your husband see you as weak and clingy but as beautiful, strong and willing to work on your marriage. At one time he loved you more than anything in the world that was when he decide to marry YOU. Try to reach the agreement that he has to stop seeing the OW. Don't allow him to be a cake eater (means have both of you fulfilling his needs).

All the best to you and I'll be checking on you.
Be a strong woman!
<<<Hugs>>>