How can you trust your once WW? I'm a FWW and I can tell you what me and my H did. Per a suggestion in "Surviving an Affair" another book written by Steve Harley...I would suggest you and W read it together if not already reading it.

I am a Personal Trainer at a large gym. I have a schedule that I make for my clients to make appointments with me throughout the day. I decided for my H to know where I am and what Im doing I would give him a copy of my daily schedule. It doesnt bother me to do this because I know how at ease it helps him feel...and I dont have anything to hide. Now he doesnt have questions as to what is she doing etc...he has my schedule and can call or stop by the gym at any tiime to "say hi" We started doing this after a very big missunderstanging. I went to visit a friend...I had my cell so H could call if he needed to reach me. Well for some weird reason my phone didnt ring through while I was in her home....REALLY! anyways, H had been calling me 4-5 times and couldnt reach me....He finally left the house VERY upset,and just sick to his stomach...(left the kids alone...was out of his mind with worry) and came to find me...couldnt remember where she lived...and H was driving all around the city.....When I called on my way home from visiting with my friend....H is freaking out on the phone......and about gave himself a heartattack. I felt sooo bad. I then realized I couldnt go back to the way things were before The A. I had to provide him with my whearabouts and call him frequently....he needs that assurance right now....and Im happy to give it to him. This only helps me deposit in H's LB. H will learn that he can trust me again and thats what I can do to help facilitate that. I hope this helps or at least give you an idea of how H and I are dealing with this difficult time.
Good luck and God Bless!

Steve, I 2nd the recommendation to read SAA.

You have come a long way, but you have a long way yet to go. Many of the problems you will have surviving this are just comming up now. At first you were happy that she told you and that she stayed. There is a lot more to this than those first feelings. It will take quite a long time for you to feel better about it.

Remember that it is natural for you to have these feelings, they won't go away quickly. Remember that others have been where you are and made it through. Remember not to LB. Make a plan for meeting her needs and work it for the rest of your life, that part gets fun, because she will return love back to you. Settle in for the long haul and don't get discouraged by these bad feelings you will have.

May God bless you to a complete recovery.

SS

Steve

Vigilance. Look for behavior that is similar to the one she was exhibiting while she was in the A. If she resumes contact with OM, then it's going to show with signs of withdrawl and resentment towards you.

Afairs are born out of lies and deception, and many of them tend to die when they are exposed. What's great about your situation is that your FWW's A is over and as long as your FWW feels safe in trusting you with her thoughts and feelings (no love busters from you), the chances of her going back to OM are very small.

I agree with still seeking when he tells you that what you are feeling is a natural part of the aftermath of the A. And I second his suggestions not to love bust your FWW and to meet her top EN's.

Even though you may not feel lucky in being where you and your FWW are at this moment, there are many that are still struggling with a WS that refuses to end the A.

God bless.

I feel that I'm not being attended to like the person she had the affair with. I will not fall back into the trap. She seems to be much more attracted to him than she is currently with me, although they don't speak. I can see it in her eyes. I am pretty sure she was more sexual with him also, from the stories I heard public parking lots were not off limits. Not sure what to do anymore?