I have posted in the past in "IN RECOVERY" but I noticed that there are many different names in here so I was hoping for more suggestions
In march my H decided he didnt want to be married anymore,,, He told me he was 'used to me' 'we were going nowhere' and "he just needed something new in his life' I hung on,,,, he wanted me to leave then he didnt back and forth until May 16th when I discovered email from the OW Hers to him was I'll be late for work 2morrow, dont miss me 2 much' and his to her, simply, 'I Love You,' I lost it, I guess I dont have to say everthing I was feeling cuz we're all here for the same reasons...
Well, anyway, I confronted him and he lied for the first 10 mins until I told him I read the emails,,,,, He said they both knew it was wrong, it was already pretty much over, it was never going to get anywhere and they both knew it...... and he was going to tell her that I knew everything and they had to stop,
2 weeks later I decided to drive by his work at lunchtime,,, I found them both on a side street sitting in her car,,,, he says that they were talking there because they couldnt talk at work,,,, which I knew that. they were talking because she wanted to tell her H because it wasnt fair that me and my H were going thru this and she got to walk away freely
The next day she called me from work, apologized, said she knew it was wrong and that they had been backing off from each other for while now.... said she always thought of herself as a good person and doing this was totally devastating to her,,, shes been married for 20 years has 2 teenage sons, one of which works w/her and my H... She doesnt want her H to know, which I replied, 'If I found out, why couldnt he?' she completely freaked out that he could never know, she didnt want to lose her H, she was sorry, there was never any sex w/her and my H, which he has confirmed, and I believe him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> She said she cant leave this job for financial reasons and God knows if my husband loses this job we'd be homeless,,,, So they know that they just need to be friends.
For the next 2 months my H was absolutely crazy,,, He kept telling me he loves me, but he doesnt know if this is what he wants, doesnt know if we can get thru this,,,,,
We went away in July for our anniversary, that seemed to be a turning point for him, He bought me the most beautiful card, flowers, says he can handle working with her, they pretty much nod their heads at each other in the morning and get on w/their day, they work together but not closely, he says sometimes he looks at her and wonders what he was thinking,,,, He says he could never be with her again and that it was wrong in the first place because of me and her H.......
Ever since then he has been the man of my dreams,,, Hes loving, caring, sweet, pays attention to me, we've been going places, sex has been wonderful,,,, the only problem we have is when I start LBing, I still question why he has done this to us, why he let it happen, does he really want this anymore, does he still love me, (which he tells me everyday more than once) how did it get to the point that he wanted to leave, if he lied to me then why cant he lie to me now, if he thought he stopped loving me, what makes him think he does now,,,, I dont know, I guess I just have a million questions, but when I ask it just seems to put us a step back, He says he wants this marriage to work, and he loves me, why am I so afraid to believe him,,,, he has answered everyone of these questions more than once, but now he's starting to not answer anymore, and he just says "Hun, everything is fine between us now, I was just blinded for a little while, I loved you then and I love you now, can we just get passed this and move on' ..... why is that so hard to believe????????????????????

Scared&Insecure,

He is correct to put that behind otherwise the past A will still live in your house. Don't you think that it will not trigger some memory of tha past A on him too ?. You got the H that you want, now it is your turn to protect that ... NO LB.

-RH-

Scared,

I read what you write and I feel like I am the other BS. I know I am not, your discription of the OW doesn't match my W's. But your timing is to good, and there are a lot of simalarities.

I do have some question's if you dont mind.

Did your H mainly see the OW durring work hour's?

Does your H feel that the OW lied to him about herself?

Does your H know much about the other BS?

Does the OW son know about the EA?

I am just trying to piece my own thought's together, my W is just very quiet about the subject.

I am very tired of hearing her say I am sorry and nothing else. I think she is enjoying tormenting me.

Dear S&I,

why is this so hard to believe?- Because it is hard to believe. Period.

I feel the same way as you do. I've written many posts about my struggle to believe in our "recovery". I have these thoughts if you were lying to me once why not again and again?

You should reach an agreement with your H that he has to change jobs. I would freak out if my H had ANY (and I mean ANY) contact again with OW.

He tells me the exact same stuff about OW that your H tells you: how could he have been even thinking about this, how she is so NOT attractive etc, etc.

Is the OW in your case really like that? I am so curious to meet the one in my case just to find out what she is like. I am not doing it because I don't want to interfere with no contact. But I am wondering about it a lot.

Maybe you could benefit from some of the answers I have gotten from our friends here about forgiveness. There is one post by trynhard that reached my heart.

All the best to you- and just between you and me- I think you're right: it is hard to believe...

Dredthesilence
I dont mind answering at all
1. yes it was MOSTLY during work hrs. and lunch breaks,
a few emails to her at work when he was home, and calls to my house when I wasnt home,,, He never emailed her at home or called there because she has a H. *and I guess she forgot I was his wife*
2. Nope she didnt lie, even to me she was very honest about everything
3. The only thing he knows about the other BS is What he does for a living and how he doesnt make OW happy anymore
4. and no her son doesnt know anything and thats why I believe my H when he says that no one at work knows anything about this
\
iceprincess.
there is no way in the world my H could leave his job right now,,,, we'd be homeless in a week As for the OW, shes 10 yrs older than my H been married for 20 yrs and weighs in at about 250 lbs
really short hair, just totally opposite of me go figure
anyway lets just pray we all get a little stronger in our recovery

Scared,

Thank's for your response, it helps me to try and figure my W out. And help's me to understand my own thought's.

Did your H elborate on what he ment when he told you the "used to me" comment.
I want to be so used to my W in a comfortable way, I dont want to have to ? my W, I want to know in my hart where our relationship stand's. But I do not want our life to become boring or complacent.

I think that until the whole sorry mess is brought out into the open, you will always have insecurities. They still work together. No one knows but you. You actually believe it wasn't sexual. I am sorry but I don't believe that all this secrecy and declarations of love came without a PA. If you do, I am sorry for voicing anything that might make you question yourself. I wouldn't trust that it is over with no incentive for them to end it but you.