There is no where to turn. My wife does not love me. I love her with all my heart. She had an affair and I apologise, give compassion, console, and try to make her feel better. She has not offered one consoling word to me. She will go to counseling and spits out a forced Ilove you. But that does not show me anything. I think she is just afraid to leave. I want to die. She is my whole life.

Caullin,

Welcome to MB. First of all know that your emotional status right now is pretty much the norm. As a BS (betrayed spouse) we all know how you feel.

First off, your W is now another personality. Don't try to pretend she is not.

For you, read the concepts section above, get the books surviving an affair, his needs/her needs. Know that you can't control her right now, so don't even try. There is lots for you to do to help you heal. Her work will come later.

Get with a good MC and doctor. Steve Harley and Jennifer C from MB offer good phone counseling services. They are definitely work the big $$.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Your life is NOT over.... it is just changing.... there will be happiness in your future, it just is not visible right now.

Vent here. We understand.

take care,
L.

ps: if you see responses by someone named Cerri, read it carefully, she is great at helping us.

caullin,

Stop appologizing ... you need to show her too that she could be happy with you !. Think hard of what are your contribution that lead to her A. She might have told you for years ... some of her complaint are facts (this is genuine plan A material) ... some of it are excuses or justification. Concentrate on top problems work on it one by one. You have to show strength, maybe one of her EN is emotional strength ... anyway ... don't LB'ed and read and learn and do it.

-rh-

<small>[ October 10, 2002, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

she might be the way she is now because she is still so in love with the other man. it may take time for her to sort out her feelings and figure out what is really important in life. i think your show of affection and understanding is good but you must think about what you would do if she did leave you for good. as a BS myself, i was devastated at my H's reaction at first. he was so cold. i knew that he kept thinking about her and it was obvious that he was hurt and sad about losing her. it wasn't until i came to the conclusion that i COULD be happy without him. i thought about my life plan... getting a new job, moving near family, dating again, travelling, and you know what, it started to appeal to me. knowing that i was going to be ok without him gave me the strength to deal with his aloofness and period of withdrawal.
we all need to feel empowered and i hope you will, soon.

best wishes,
mini

Thanks for your replys. I feel as though i can not even begin to be a whole person without her. I love hr so much. How do you deal with loving someone that does not love you. My kids are great they are all on myside. I just don't want sides I want my wife.

I am not as ignorant as my typing portrays. It is hard to type throgh the tears

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by caullin:
<strong>I am not as ignorant as my typing portrays. It is hard to type throgh the tears</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">caullin ... begging, crying, pleading will not bring your WW back. Implementing & executing good Plan A will gives you a better chance. What is your LB lists that you have to eliminate and what is your plan A lists to you have to do ?

-RH-

Redhat,

I don't think Caullin is whining or begging.... remember those days just last year when we were on the verge of our hearts being broken? We all spent many a day and night crying.

We all posted a lot then. Well that is where CAullin is now.

Caullin,
It is ok for typos while crying. We understand. Some of us have been here a while and see so much of this we have gone past those painful days and don't want to see anyone have them either. But you will feel pain for a long time. Trust is gone so even if you were to have full recovery right now, it would still be hard.

Don't despair. Read the info here and post back your thoughts. Redhat and many others are great at helping us put personal application to the concepts found above and in the books. See MCs are good but pratical application and living the issue is where it all plays out. That is one of the benefits of posting here. We may not be professionals but we sure know our stuff!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

Cullen. You need to show her that you are OK. Stop the desperation it makes the other person feel closed in and trapped. I realize this whole thing is terrible yet it is your reality right now. Be strong your wife will respond more to strength then to weakness. You need to get past the desperate hours and the panic and show her the man she married. As.

Redhat, orchid etc. Need4concern seems to badly need veteran MB help.