Hi WR,
Alright. I've never told anyone this so maybe it will be theraeutic for me and maybe it will benfit someone else. My husband knows about it but never asked for details.
I worked for a large company and had two young children. I was fairly happily married although my husband was an alcoholic but not abusive or anything. I had been working for the company about five or six years when OM was hired. We weren't friends right away. Actually there were alot of things that I didn't like about him. He did some illegal - fraud types of things, kind of had a criminal mind but we were both smokers and would wind up out on smoke breaks together and we would chat.
He was married to a woman who had two teenagers from a previous marriage. My husband about that time started drinking more and more. He wasn't around much for me and our kids. I don't beleive he ever cheated on me but would hang out with work guys and drink ALOT. In my talks with OM I was complaining about my husband. I don't remember what his marriage issues were but he had some marriage issues too and so we would trade unhappy home life stories and this became our bond.
I don't think that I beleived that he had husband potential for me but in time I led him and maybe myself to beleive that he might. We thought we had so much in common but retrospectively we had unhappy marriages and cigarettes in common.
We began taking lunches together, away from work. Often we would pick up lunch and sit in a park and eat, and talk. I suppose at this point it was an EA. Our company had a private dial up connection, so when we were at home, we would chat on the computer. I suppose you could liken it to a private chat room, but those didn't exist at the time. It was mostly on the computer that sex talk took place.
I don't really remember how exactly it went from a EA to a PA, it just evolved. We became infatuated with one another. There were lots of place at our work to escape to and he had keys to everywhere and our sexual relationship began at work. Mostly it took place at work. I know this is very bad but I comprimised alot of my values and I guess that he did too. We were both home every night, chatting on the computer.
My H never suspected a thing. His W did though and began asking around at work. I suppose that everyone knew but we were very much in denial and never admitted to anyone that we were having an affair. I know for a fact that there was discussion of it and we were even called in by our supervisor and told to spend less time together. We were even so bold as to contest that within the company.
There were times, very few but yes times when we had sex in his home, in my home and in his mini-van. We became best friends. Looking back, he had no qualities that I desire in a best friend. At this point we were in too deep and preserved our friendship above all else.
His wife really became a problem. She would call work, show up at work. She caught us out talking in my car after work. And then she called my husband. I suppose that is when the sh*t hit the fan. When I came home that night he confronted me ad I denied all. So did OM. His wife dug and dug and had all kinds of proof but we denied it until the bitter end.
My H was drinking more and I began to hate him. Honestly, if I was introduced to MB at the time it wouldn't have helped me. OM was my best friend, I was "in" love with him and him with me. Home became ugly for both of us and we became eachothers escape.
I was a wreck. I took a leave of absence from work and I got separated and filed for divorce. OM and his wife separated. We could now be together all of the time and that is what he wanted. The more he was around, the more the things I disliked about him bothered me. After that I tried to get rid of him and he became a bit of a stalker.
At this point, something along the lines of plan A might have worked. My life was a mess. My husband was into his addiction way over his head and lost his job, and I never did tell him the truth. I'm sure that he knew for sure though. Our divorce became final, and so did OM's. I never went back to work there and he left the company shortly after. We both gave up a great job.
After that I ran into him a couple of times. My heart would stop and I would pretend not to notice him. I didn't want to see or talk to him. He was a reminder of my destroyed life and I never really liked the person he was anyway.
I was a single mom and H was a very messed up destroyed man who never really recovered. He still battles alcoholism.
What a very stupid thing. My kids lost a father who loved them dearly. OM, don't know what happened to him, don't really care. I care about his wife though. I made her crazy. She would say horrible mean things to me. Actually, she used to tell me how ugly I was which I was not, so she damaged my self-esteem which her husband would try to doctor up for me. She went psycho. To OM I used to call her Dementia.
Let me see...our needs were not being met at home. We gained empathy from eachother. For me, sex was secomdary but probably primary for OM. And as soon as we "won" eachother, it was over. Just exactly what you read about here at MB.
Very sad story. Lots of hurt people...all for nothing. Anything else that you would like to know?
Now that it is done, I'll tell you I don't think this was therapeutic at all. It brings back alot of painful times that I have hidden away from myself and the world.
No matter how unhappy my homelife is, I can tell you that I learned alot and would never have an A again. NEVER. There just isn't anything good to come from it.
I have disassociated from people that I knew who had affairs because I didn't feel I had any room to talk about it, and I certainly couldn't condone it. That is why Mosana is bothering me so much. I was possibly alot like her. To the bitter end.
I professionally know someone, fairly famous...I'm sure many would know her name. She and her current husband had an affair, left thier spouses and married eachother. They appear have a great marriage but I don't know how. Well, maybe I do -- she constantly travels on business and he goes everywhere with her. They never let eachother out of eachothers sight. I just don't know how two OP's can trust when they were on the "inside" of an affair themselves.
Since then, I have rediscovered religion. Gotten remarried and now I am on the other side. My H admitted all though. I think that is a big help in recovery. I never did. I couldn't hurt my XH, yet my actions tore him apart.
OK, it's late and I am off to bed. Probabaly won't sleep well though. Maybe in someway it is good to get it out.
Good night and God bless,
RockTart
