I wrote in the General Question before, so it's only right I write here now. I caught my W affiar. The pain is sometimes unbearable. Everyone in both families now know, however my children are still in the dark. They have met him a few times, and that just adds to the pain. The way she talked to him and told him she missed him and loved him has totally shreded my heart and mind.. After being away for a few days she wanted to talk. She says she has ended it with him, and she says its the hardest thing she ever had to do. However she came up with a plan. Trial seperation, no lawyers. We live in 2 locations and I have my kids 3 or 4 days a week, plus we have have a family night once a week. She doesnt want to start MC until her Therapist tells her to. I want to believe she has ended it with him and everything will work out in the end. I've lost 48 pounds when everything first started, I know I'm in a state of depression. Anyone have any suggestions or thoughts..I know this is not in detail as it could, but my concentration is shot and I'm pretty much living on shear emotion now. She still wants us to be apart on weekends till our house is sold and we are truely apart..I'm have trouble believing what she tells me, but everything in me wants to ..Feedback needed

Do you have to agree to sell the house? I think you need to keep the house and concentrate on providing a stable environment for the children while she is in this state of turmoil. Would you think of individual counseling for support to talk about your emotions? If not, can you seek help from your family, friends or church community?

The experienc here seems to be that things calm down after some time; then you can make better thought out decisions. It is best not to agree to sell the house at this moment, specially since it would uproot the children.

What really helps is reading the posts of others who have gone through and survived this stage. They will have very good advice for you. I hope they will step in here. Ask advice from Wotharty, redhat, orchid etc. perhaps by editing the title of your post if no one spots you after some time.

<small>[ October 12, 2002, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Hi,

Relate asked that we stop by. I am sorry your situation is at this level but this place with it's various tools (books, questionnaires, phone counseling services and these sites) help us cope.

Do you feel that you are getting mixed signals from your W? You probably are. Also your inter gut feelings are probably just torn to shreds. Not good position for either parent to be in.

So right now, do NOT make any life altering decisions. Your W maybe babbling (saying one thing but doing or acting like another). Trust your insticts and watch her actions vs her words.

It is ok not to trust her. You may even tell her so if you choose.

How old are your children? Do not keep them in the dark. While they may not need to know all the details, they don't deserve to be lied to either.

My 7 year old told me today that he feels that most children do NOT want to be lied to. Hm...... do we parents know this? Why is it a shock to most of us? Why do some of us/many of us lie to our children. Is lying really a protection? Points to ponder.

So this is the time to read and listen. Not much for you to do and that is good since you are pretty pooped right now anyway and can't really concentrate on even normal things.....right? I understand. Many here do.

take care,
L.

Hi,
Why are you selling the house...and are you living there now, or is she? I know some will agree and some will disagree with me...but I firmly believe that the BS should stay in the house, and the WS should leave. The BS did not ask for the A, and should not have to leave his/her home. The WS should face the consequences of their actions, and should be the one to leave, if it comes to separation. Just my humble opinion.

need4concern,

Do not take her actions personnally ... it is not about you ... it is about her and OM. Sorry to say this but your WW is addicted to OM. You have to find out what it is !!!! and why she do it !!!.

Relook on your M ... what are her issues about you on this M ?. Make a list, some of it just pure excuse or justification, ignore those, some of it are facts ... those are your basis of plan A. Expand those list w/ actions to show to your WW that you could change or you 've change it. Meanwhile for "hurting" words or actions to you are for you to give up or to push you away so she could continue w/ her addiction. Now the next one is a bit hard ... you have to guess what ENs that OM fill in ... if your WW let you to compete/fill in ... do it in plan A w/ all of your gut.

Get medication if you can't take it ... it is no time to fall into depression.

Keep posting .... -RH-