I’m sorry this is such a long story but I don’t have anyone to talk to. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and married for 3. I always thought that our marriage was truly exceptional, I love and cherish her with all of my heart, she is my best friend and I thought she felt the same way about me. We were always the couple that made other people sick, we had been together for several years but we still acted as if we had just met, always holding hands, kissing, etc. In February of this year we decided that we wanted to have a baby and we got pregnant in June. When we found out we were both so excited, everything was great. Shortly after this she went to the beach for a “girls” weekend. When she returned she was a different person. She was very withdrawn from me, she had a short temper and intimacy was nonexistent. I contributed this to the pregnancy and did not think much of it. However, I also noticed a change in her behavior, she would stay up late and I found out that she had created a new email address. After 2 or 3 more “girls” weekends at the beach I decided to look at her phone bill and found out that she had been talking to someone at the beach at night after I had gone to bed. When I confronted her about it she said that he was just a friend and nothing more. After several more weeks she finally told me that she had an affair with this guy but that she had ended it because she wanted to go to marriage counseling. I am completely devastated, I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life but instead the pain is unbearable and the thought of loosing my wife and child is more than I can bear. As much as I want to hate her I cannot, I still love her so much. Now she seems to be very angry and depressed, most of which is directed at me. She says that she is not over this other man that she cares about him very much. As much as this tears me apart I am trying to give her some time. She tells me that she still cares about me but she is not in love with me, she doesn’t miss me when we are apart and that she feels nothing when we are together. I get the impression from her that our marriage means nothing to her and that she is just going to counseling for me.

Help! What can I do to help my wife through this and save our marriage? How long will her feelings last for this other man?

Broken_Joe:

You have come 2 the right place!!! Many of us have had similar experiences 2 yours. It doesn't do any good trying 2 "figure out" why our WSs behave the way they do. It's very common for the WS 2 say that they "aren't in love with you" and similar fog-latin speak, so try not 2 worry about what that means.

The fact that your W is still with you is very important. It means that she loves you enough not 2 want 2 lose you and your new family. This infatuation with her OM is just that - a fantasy infatuation built on lies and cheating. If she were 2 leave you for him, she'd realize even2ally that it's not real and not pleasant. After all, he's a liar and a cheat. He'll cheat on HER at some point, in all likelihood.

There are a lot of helpful articles on the MB homepage about infidelity that you should check out. Also, there are a number of books listed on the website that pertain 2 surviving As and making better Ms. This forum is full of people with experiences similar 2 yours that can and are very willing 2 help you through this difficult time.

It's good that you're going 2 a C. But be aware that there are an awful lot of "bad" Cs out there. Read the Harley's description of how 2 find a good C on the web page. And consider calling and scheduling a phone appointment with one of them. They might seem expensive, but compared 2 the "lower priced" Cs that I went 2 before I called SH, they're well worth the fee (they're more efficient, they have a definite plan, and they'll put you 2 WORK! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Please take care, and all my best 2 you and your family,