After 17 days of being gone with no contact with family, business partner, h is back in town. He called at the insitance of his partner and only wanted clothes. I told him I would meet him there as he can't get in the house. That was yesterday and still no call. he knows i need an answer of if he is staying or going. I told him i don't intend on "drilling", i just need to know what he wants. When i first found out, 9-22-02, he said he wanted to stay and try. Then he left again for these 2 1/2 weeks, with OW (so i hear) I'm frightned he wants her. I just hope i have the strength and courage to wait, providing he leaves this house. I miss him so much and right now would love to just hold him and tell him i forgive. i wish he felt he could count on my love for his strength. How can i get him to realize what we have is too special to throw away? It's worth working on?? It's worth ending with OW?? God, please give the patience i need for him to make the right choice!!

Roseyheart...I'm glad he has contacted you. Sorry, but I doubt that there is much you can actually do to help him make a decision. Be honest, be kind, and let him know that you do love him and are willing to give him some space (if this is true). The decision is in his hands.

It's possible that allowing him to "live with his choice" may very well be the best way for him to discover if he's made a terrible mistake. It really depends on how strong you are and how strong your love for him lives within you. But each of us have a "breaking point" and this too is not wrong.

The choices you have facing you are yours. Good luck with whatever happens. Praying hard for you that no matter what happens...you'll find peace and happiness in the near future.

I tried for two months to change my WW from having her A. Was wasting my time and hers. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. Remember we do not fall in and out of love we fall in and out of choices. It will be extremely hard because I have recently gone through this but go to plan B. This will give you time to reevaluate yourself and to evaluate the situation you are in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Thanks - I know I can't really make him do anything. I just know the pain I feel is at times so unbearable. He is screwing up so bad, even his children (from a previous) are calling me to give me comfort. (Age 18 and 15) They will be at my house in two weeks. I have told them they are a part of my life and are always welcome. They are great kids - He finally developed a relationship with them after almost 11 years - and now, he just messing it up. I worry about them, so young, so will keep the contact going with them - After all, they need support too- I think he just needs to "hit bottom" - Right now, nobody is helping him. He is out of money, no place to stay, etc. He tried to get into the house today by the garage - I could tell because the garage door was messed up, so I called the tech and re-programed the opener. Not trying to be mean, but he owes me at least a "hello". I just hope and pray he "snaps" out of it soon. But like you say, thats his choice. I am a strong person with alot of support - I just worry about him. I know I will get throught it, but damn, I'm tired of this. Thank God, I believe.

Rosey, it's hard watching an accident take place...but you can't stop it from happening. Hitting rock bottom may be the only thing that snaps him out of what he is doing.

I'm not saying that your marriage should continue or that it should end. But his destructive actions need to end. It sounds as if he may have some real mental issues, maybe depression...only a doctor can decide this. However, if he does come home anytime soon...maybe you can get him into counseling. Just from what little you've written, it seems as if he's doing things that are really damaging to his whole life, not just his marriage and you. This is usually a sign of something which maybe much more then an affair. And it's possible that the affair is a by product of whatever is happening with him, either physically or emotionally. (NOT that I am excusing the affair in anyway! Just that there maybe more then meets the eye.)

I don't blame you at all for keeping the doors locked. At the moment...this is NOT his home...it is YOURS. By his choice! Stick to your guns on this point.

I was so pleased to see that you and his children are keeping your own lines of communication open. You're correct...they need you and you need them.

Praying hard!!!!