It had been almost a month since I found out about my W having an PA. I found out about the A by contracting genital herpes, which my W had contracted from the OM. She did not use protection, so we are now both infected with an incurable STD. We have been tested for HIV and thank goodness the test came back clear. When I first confronted my W about the herpes, she attempted to claim that the OM had a cold sore and that they had only fooled around. I told her that HSV1 and HSV2 were two very different diseases and she admitted that she had had sex with this man one time. She claimed that she had met him at the local public library and that he had asked for he number. She provided him with her pager number and that was the method of contact that they used to sustain the EA and PA. Over about a two month period, they would meet at various places and fool around, mostly kissing according to my W. She told him that she did not feel close to me and he fed her with all of the needed bull corn to make her think that he truly cared about her. She now admits that she new better, the fog we were in I guess. She tells me that when she let him have sex with her, that after just a few seconds she thought about the kids and I and asked him to stop. By then he had already finished. She told him not to contact her anymore, but she had been infected with herpes. He did not tell her about his STD, the f*cking [censored]. I got so mad when I found out that I just walked out the door and walked and walked and walked. I came home and my W was still crying. She claimed that it was just a fling and that she had been irresponsible. I asked her how she would feel if I had had a "fling". This made her cry harder. I told her that according to the Bible that I could choose to divorce her. She pleaded with me not to do that, the kids would suffer she said. We did not talk much that night. I woke up and had intended to take off from work. I couldn't stand the thought of staying home, so I went to work for a few hours. I told my W that if we were to stay together that she would need to take an HIV test. I also requested that she provide me with the OM's address and phone number. To this day she claims that she never had his phone number. I also told her that we would need to go to MC and that she may need to go to therapy by herself. Later the next day, I then did a flip-flop and told her that I wanted a divorce. She cried and went out to look for a job and a place to stay. When I got home from work, she begged and pleaded with me to work things out. She told me that I could install a satellite tracking system on her car if I wanted to. I told her that I did not want to play detective all of the time and that I needed to be able to trust her. We then began to talk things through and I was really surprised to hear that much of the issues that my W had with me really seemed to have merit. I had ingnored her and kept her at arms legnth. Her EN's were not being met by me, so it opened the door for the OM's con game. I still have a great deal of mood swings and I have been taking Xanax every day for several weeks now. I keep running an image of my W with the OM through my head over and over and it kills me. I was able to quit drugs and drinking years ago and the pain I feel now exceeds that pain by a ton. I tell my W that she made a mistake and I have also made mistakes. When I was in the USAF, I slept with a married woman while her H was out of the country. We were both drunk at the time, but it still bothers me to this day. I have ordered Surviving an A from this site and have told my W that we need to read it togther. Since she has had no contact with the OM in quite some time, recovery may be a little easier. I have told her that I need love and honesty from her. I have also found out that I want to by physically close to her now and that my sex drive far exceeds her own. As a man, I tend to view sex as being close, which is something that I will need to work on. Sorry for the long and rambling post, I just wanted to see if things are headed in the right direction.
