My boyfreind and I of 5 years have had a bumpy ride. last year we separated for 3 months and I was seeing and sleeping with someone else (he was not) we got back together and I never saw or spoke to the other person again. on sept 9th we split up again we talked and decided to stay apart and see how things would go both declaring love for one another. I went away to visit family for 2 weeks and to think things through, when I came home we were inseperable for the last 6 days, then he told me that while i was gone he had slept with someone else. of course I was torn apart, but to add insult to injury my son began telling me how she and her child were over at our home all the time and he was entertaining them (I have a 12 year old son from a prev relationship and he and I have a 3 year old together) my son said that she was constantly on our phone and always dropping by, she even put her child to sleep in his bed!. My boyfreind?? says they slept together twice, not here but at her home and it was only about sex for him nothing more, he says that it was in part for about the pain he carried around from last year when I was with someone else. he wants us to get back together and call it even but im shocked and angry especially over the fact she was lounging around in our home!! any advice?????

Why is it even ?? i dont understand that part , it doesnt suppose to be that way , i really feel bad for you , i just can't imagine how you must feel knowing that your kid so things going on in your house , i guess what i would do is think it over , and let time decide for you , listen to your heart , i'm not in a position of giving advice , like you myself feel bad for my situation , i just want you to know that you are not alone and that hopefully everything is gonna work out right for you .

While 2 wrongs NEVER make it right, I would look at it as if this just happend and NOT what you did a while back. That is in the past and you have redeemed yourself. So if that is what he's thinking, then thats his stuff NOT YOUR'S. If you want to make it work then do it because you want to make it work. Try not to think of it the way he put it. It might make him feel better right now because he feels like he's gotten revenge so to speak, but when you stat plan A'ing him and he sees the beautiful person he fell in love with in the first place, this is going to EAT HIM ALIVE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He will feel all the remorse and pain that almost all the WS's on here feel.
Good luck and God Bless!

I don't think "getting even" ever works. I'm sure many have thought of it...I have...but what good would it do, except make everyone even more miserable, and take away self-respect...

I would also question someone who has an affair in full view of children...that's just wrong.

Sweety, I hesitate to post a response because I am fairly certain you won't like what I have to say. But, since you asked the question, here goes my opinion anyway.

I voted for you to throw in the towel. I understand your need for companionship, but get real girl! What is different about your BF sleeping with another woman and his sleeping with you? Neither of you is married. There is NO marital covenant commitment. You are both living in sin and I'm not surprised that your (both of you) lax attitude toward a marital covenant allows you each to think it's okay to bang some other person.

In short, YOU do not need to be in any relationship until you decide what it means to be married. Up to then, all you BF is doing, despite the "nice sounding ILU's" is having ready access to sex, which he seems to enjoy, without the responsibility and commitment required of a married man. From a selfish man's point of view, he has what he wants and "screw you" (sorry about being so harsh) about your desires for a more substantial commitment.

Also, you are teaching your son, yes he's old enough to see and understand what's going on, that it's okay to behave in a sinful manner. Great lesson mom. Now, I don't want to be overly hard on your BF because you also are condoning this arrangement. Get real with yourself while you still have a chance. Especially before you find out some day that all this "fooling around" has left you with an incurable STD.

Bottom line regarding sex. In most instances it is the woman who holds the key to whether their is sex or not. So start looking at what you really want out of life. For your sake and for your son's sake.

I feel for you because to make a long story short, I cheated on my H last year in August and then I talked to the OM a couple times after that, I ended it. He lived away so I only saw him a few times last year in August and talked on the phone. I though my husband and I were doing ok, but then in June he started going out alot and I never knew where he was. Well I caught him at a bar with a girl and he said he only gave her a ride which I knew was bull. Well just in September I found out he has been seeing her since May. I thought we were working things out we even went on a cruise in May, but I found out right before we went away he met her. My husband is also an alcoholic that started up off and on when he found out about me. He went to rehab 7 years ago. But then he met this girl and he started drinking alot. Well it is making thing worse. He says it is over, but she has a husband too and he contacted me and says my husband calls her still. I would never do what I did to him, it was my 1st and last. My H blames me for everything and he said if I didn't do it he wouldn't have been lookiing. I know he cheated on my several times when he was drinking in the past, but he went to rehab and I forgave him. Now this time I don't think I can. It is making things worse.

Hi all, thanks for the input!!! as for the rest im doing my best to deal with the situation, she the ow is still hanging around, kinda like a vulture to see if we are going to put things together, I told him that if we were to stand a chance he had to cut all ties to her immediately and never see her again, so far his responses are halfhearted, im wondering if hes trying to keep her on the back burner in case we cant make it, and ive said this to him, his response is I Dont Know, so go figure, I love him and want to make things work, we even spent a couple of hours on line reading through the marriage builders site on infidelity and other aspects. He runs hot and cold one day its all good then the next hes back to the pity me act! im trying to hang in there but its tough I think wanting to make this work takes 2 and I cant do it for the both of us. He says he loves me but cant go back to the bumpy road weve come from and I agree but as ive said to him in order to break that cycle we both have to want it and both have to work at it. Still hopelessly lost....but trying like hell to make it!!! should I mabey give him more time alone? or should I fight for this???? thanks again for all advice..