I am attracted to a married male friend who I have known for a number of years as we participate in the same sport we both enjoy. I am single. His family is gone and grown. His wife has a slight disability and would not be able to function on her own. I would truly like to have an affair with this man but I have no intentions of breaking up his family or embarrassing his wife - she would never know.
I have no intention of remarrying and had a successful affair for 10 years, by successful I mean the wife was never hurt because she did not know, we remained friends after we moved apart, and no one else knew of our relationship.
I have found sometimes men need a sexual relationship because they do not have one at home. I need opinions.

I, too, thought no one was hurt by having these relationships. I've been in your position, helping a friend by providing for a need she had and satisfying my own. What I didn't realize was I was creating an emotional frozen waste land between her and her husband. I didn't realize this until I was the other party in a similar situation involving my wife. Regardless of his take on the situation, his need to find emotional fulfillment elsewhere creates a vacuum between he and his wife. If she is truly in special need, this vacuum will only hurt her.
It is not safe to assume you are helping him. If he has needs she cannot fulfill, he should address those needs to her and at least give her the respect due a wife. I have heard of situations similar to yours when the disabled spouse agreed to turn a blind eye to the wandering spouse's activities, but only after the WS has the integrity to confront the spouse with the truth.

I would think you would want this relationship unfettered by suspicion and fear of discovery. He should tell her his needs and desires.

IMHO, I think you should ask his W how she feels about your plan. I'm willing to bet you get all the answer you need from her response. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Here's something else to think about....
You stated that you've done this in the past, why? There are many unattached, interesting and handsome men out there, who would willingly satisfy your sexual needs with 'no strings' attached. Why focus on the men who are emotionally unavailable?

You neglected to tell us whether or not this MM is a willing participant in your plan! You naively believe that his W will never find out...what if she does?

I really dont see the point of you getting into a relationship with a married man , but i guess that your decision , even if you dont want a serious relationship with anyone ,what i would feel bad if for the wife , come'on even if she has a disability , that's not an excuse ... i hope you think it over .

E,

I have a hard time believing your post is for real. Why are you coming to a "Marriage Builders" website asking permission to have an affair?

There is no way you could possibly know that the "successful" affair you had for 10 years did no harm. You don't know what you are talking about. This is outrageous. CSue

Having a "successful affair" is like completing a "successful theft" - it's a deception, and morally wrong.

I have had sex with prostitutes without my wife ever finding out, and without getting VD. Does that make my behavior "successful"?

If people want to live alternate lifestyles that is fine, as long as all parties affected are informed as to what is occuring. Like mgm says, see what the W thinks about this. If all three of you are in agreement, go for it. But any behavior that has to be hidden is usually bad news.

A "successful affair" for 10 years. Cute. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It seems to me that you have a low self esteem and are looking for a challenge where you can see if you can get the MM away from their spouses. There are a lot of women like you out there. If you can get the MM's attention away from their wife and focused on you then that makes you "important" or the better woman. You are a sick person and you should not be trying to catch MM all the time. Why don't you go out and find yourself a SG instead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I really think that you should go over to TOW. You will get a much better reception over there. This is a MARRIAGE BUILDERS SITE, not a MARRIAGE DESTROYER'S SITE.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I even want to dignify Equestrian's post with an answer...

Anybody remember Mosana and her flame-fed thread? It's locked now; personally, I think this reeks of the same...

my move

So Eq,

You like horses and move from stud to stud....with no care to any mare or fold. Do I understand you correctly?!?!?!

Well if you had a 'sucessful A' , then you should have no problem doing what you have already been so 'successful' at. Remember that someone will be saying that you are the one sitting at home without whose H is NOT having a relationship with either.

Therfore, my wish to you is that one day, you will sit in the same seat of the wives whose H's you have helped betray and you also will be as the supposed unknowing person betrayed and being betrayed smiling all the time thinking everything is hunky dorey..... or is that horse s _ _ _?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Smile!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> your time is coming.....not a matter of if, just when.

L.

I totally agree with Orchid.

why do these people come to site called marriage builders and post these sick things? it must be some sort of sick thrill. my move spoke of mosana's hurtful thread, if this one bothers you let the moderator know. i let them know about mosana's and it was locked by next day. this is to be place of healing and for someone to invade it without a care of whom they hurt is just wrong! sometimes i wonder if they're even real, or just the same person posting over and over under different names to cause trouble. as if there isn't enough pain! if it is real, i too hope for the day when she understands just what she's done to the wives. perhaps if she thought about if someone had treated her mother that way, or her daughter instead of actually having to be the betrayed one. i wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Why are these stupid OW here? To anger us? Upset us? Make us cry? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

FOW who want to heal - welcome.
OW who have no respect for themselves, and whose greatest life accomplishment is bragging about an affair - go back to GloryB where you belong.

I agree w/ Kristawny. Did anyone see Mosana post anywhere else? She posted the first message the same day she joined MB; same with Equestrian. No other posts on any other board that I can see. Just the one thread that continues to hurl pain at anyone within range.

If we ignore these people (or this person) maybe they'll just go away....

my move