My wife has just recently admitted that she is involved in an affair. As far as I know she has called the affair off. At first I thought that the only solution that I could live with is to get a divorce, but then i did some reading and found out that it is possible for things to be worked out. My question is faced with all pain I am feeling, and the pictures I have going through my head when I try to sleep at night, What would be better the divorce or reconciliation?
Either way we have to start over. Should I learn to trust her again or just say forget it and move on?
I really need help

I am sorry for your pain. You need to read as much as you can on your website. You need to know the reasons for the affair and if your wife is willing to engage in no contact and break it off with the other man. The question is not should you learn to trust your wife again. She broke the trust and she needs to show and prove to you that she is truthworthy and show true remorse about breaking her marriage vows and putting your health at risk. The message seems to indicate that you wife is still continuing the affair. If this is the case then the marriage cannot heal. If she demands to continue sleeping with her OM then she needs to find a place of her own. Hopefully this is not the case and she and you will seek counseling. If she refuses to give up the OM and you do not have children then I would think about finding an attorney and finding out about your options. I wish you luck.

Most of us, before facing a betrayal say those famous words...."If he/she cheats...I'm out of here!" BUT...the majority of marriages do not end over an affair. Most do successfully rebuild their marriages. Some however do not. Is your marriage worth saving? Is the love that you have for your W and the love that she has for you deep enough, strong enough, to face the struggles which rebuilding bring? Hard questions to answer, as most don't know the answers until they try rebuilding.

Do seek counseling. It may help guide you to finding out the answers to these questions. Do NOT make decisions in the mist of confusion and sorrow. Give yourself some time to work through some of the issues that need to be addressed.

It's hard to get to many of the issues that need to be addressed (those prior to the affair) as the betrayal is overwhelming and usually must be dealt with first. Take things one at a time and whatever happens...work on making you better.

Trust is something we give to another, once broken it must be earned. It won't happen in a day, a week, a month. It takes time to reclaim trust. The more honest your W is...the faster it is reborn.

Whatever your decision is...to rebuild or move on...it is YOUR decision (with the help of your W to some extent). One you may make on your time schedule...not anyone elses.

Good Luck!

Dear heart_of_lions,

When my husband told me he has an affair in 25 of May, then I file divoice on 03 of June. As I know myself very well, I can never trust him again.

Devoice is the way to protect myself not being hurt again. This is the only solution for me.

Also I have been supporting the family for 4 years. I know I deserve much better than "an affair"

Husband was very sad and ask for forgiveness.
Then I find MB and start the plan A..., but it is not work for us, run plan A just about 3 weeks and I know it's not working for me. Then I change to Plan B and ask my husband leave my appartment. (02 of Oct.,) He move to stay with O/W at once..... you see, they always has place to go.

Anyway, we didn't contact each other for month. He try to call me sometimes, but I hang up the phone. It's nothing to talk about. I cannot trust him anymore....

So, file for divoice or not is really depand on you want to keep on or not.

Take care.

Gloria