Remember how OW called me and hung up last week? my counseler suggests that I ask my husband to tell her not to call here and hang up. Something along the lines of : We had a great weekend, the only thing that was not so good for me was when OW called on Friday and hung up.If you are just friends ( as he claims over and over) why does she have to play these games. I feel it is disrepectful to me. If she is going to call you at home why can't she ask for you? I'd like you to tell her not to call here and hang up any more. Either ask for you or don't call here at all. I am trying to accept that you are friends with her, but how would you feel if I got calls from a man who hung up when you answered?<BR> What do you think? can I say that calmly and have it not be a LB? I kind of am afraid to rock the boat after having a good weekend, but I do want her to stop calling here and sort of feel it would be good for me to stand up for myself. What do you think?Lora

I don't think it's a lovebuster. I think you should say it, but I wouldn't sound too happy about her being "his friend" either.<P>Here's what I'd change: "We had a great weekend, the only thing that was not so good for me was when OW called on Friday and hung up. I feel it is disrepectful to me. I'd like you to tell her not to call here and hang up any more. I'd really appreciate that, okay?" <P>How's that sound? <P>~Sheryl<P><P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon

I not only don't think it's a love buster, but I think that NOT telling him, in the loving manner you describe, would be!<P>You have to be able to tell each other these things and support each other. I think he'll understand.<P>You're doing great, Lora.<P>Lori

Thanks Lori and Sheryl,<BR> I appreciate the imput and will try to do it today. Communication is not either of our stong points and I don't feel like I can trust my instints any more either, because obiously we have been doing something wrong to get into this situation in the first place. Lora

Lora,<BR>If she was just a friend, she would welcome getting to know you as well. Hanging up on you is a signal that she wants a relationship with your H, excluding you, pretty much as you are saying. Yes, it is disrespectful to you--not to mention being a big old RED FLAG. <P>Which is more important to your H, his wife or his friend? I wouldn't necessarily point that out to him at this point, but opposite sex friendships are basically breeding grounds for affairs--especially if the marriage is troubled because then they have so much to talk about...and comfort to give and receive.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Ah Lor,<BR> See, this is the problem, I know that its a problem, you know, everyone on this board knows, but H and OW are living in "we are just friends, denial land " and would probably say the reason they have to be so secretive is because I'm such a jealous B**ch who will go balistic if she starts calling him openly at home. Well at this point they may be right. Lora

I did it, just as you suggested Sheryl! And he said , "yes, I already told her that, she didn't call again today did she?" And he didn't get mad or withdrawl! I felt great that I was able to stand up for myself, and only have the little peice of doubt that wonders, did he tell her not to call here or to be more careful about getting cought. Lora

Good for you, Lora! <P>Every once in awhile I am wise!<P>~Sheryl