Hi all and thanks again for the previouse advice, talked for 2 hours with the H last night, he claims he doesnt know what he wants, wants me and the kids but also since the A has discovered he liked having sex with someone else, he is suggesting I go out and do the same!!! and we have an open relationship!!! I damn near fell off the chair!!! I told him after 5 years together If I wasnt enough for him then he should walk away from us, and live his life, I do not want to have an open relationship, whats the point?? might as well be single! I cant put my feelings on the burner like that and why is he making these suggestions!!! should I let him go and live his life, take the chance that he may realize he loves me and the kids and misses us or he loves his new life single stud of the town??? what to do???? I love him and want to work things out but I cant be with someone who isnt returning the effort. should I walk away and hope for the best?? take the chance mabey hell come back or mabey not ever??? Helllp!!! im drowning here

The first item..."should I let him go?"...honeyb...at the moment you don't have him to "let go". If you mean should you let your feelings for him go...that depends on what you want.

This "open arrangement" he is now putting forth is an effort to shift the focus of the problem onto you and your behavior. Tell him that as long as he is involved with another...it's none of his business rather you do or don't and it is not up for discussion with him. JMHO, leave him wondering for a change.

What should you do? What do YOU want to do?

The things that you "should" do is continue making your life the way you want it to be if he isn't in the picture. Protecting your rights, children rights, etc. I am NOT saying to close the door in H's face, but I am saying to move forward with the idea that he will NOT be coming back. This way...you're moving ahead, making you and your life better, more secure, happier...and then if H chooses to want to come back home...it's then your decision if this is something you still want. Either way, with him or without...YOU and your children have a strong foundation for the future.

your right obviousely ive been kidding myself, after 5 years together he goes out has a 2 week affair, then decides he wants more, what the hell am I doing!!! yes, I can live my life without him, yes it will be hard, yes I will miss him, and yes it will hurt knowing that he is with someone else but, I am a beautifull, inteligent, and sexy woman, I have respect for myself, my kids and my body, so single means to me working on me and the kids, the last thing I need is to bring someone else into the picture!!! if he needs to use another to forget me than thats going to be his baggage, and I refuse to let him drop it on my doorstep. Whats the old saying if you love someone set them free if they come back theyre yours if they dont they never were....I think thats our case and as much as I love him and will miss him, I cant keep doing this to myself... id rather be alone than with him and miserable, distrustful, and axious. thank you all for your advice and guidance im leaving it up to god from here on in, and hopefully i can learn to live alone and in peace with myself.

Honey,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your going through this It's Not Fair...It boggles my mind how men can do this to themselves there spouse there kids <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Before I left my husband said the same he wanted me to go out,told me it would be good for me..told me he wanted 3 somes it was gross it wasn't anything I AM ABOUT.
I swear it all started when he got into porn,and hid his deep dark secrets from me!!!
You'll make it,it's soo hard but it's making me so far a stronger person..it's just lonely at times If husband wasn't my soul mate then who is and will I ever meet him??!!
I used to think that if they comeback that it's ment to be,but I made that mistake during our dating when out of the blue he needed space then too,and ended up dating another girl,then came back to me and we got married.
Now if he were to come back it would take a Miracle <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi , thanks for your kind words. I am sorry for you as well, men really do think with their small head dont they!!! well life must go on for me and you as well keep your head up and remember there is someone out there who will love and cherish you unconditionally!!!! thats what is getting me through this as hard as it may be right now. time heals all.....take care!!! honeyb

sorry wrong place...
ARK

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>