My name is Pedushka I had similar experiences.You are right to distrust him.
When my spouse stopped been the loving husband, forgot to bring me a present for my birthday and start making excuses for being late or hide to talk in the cell phone I started questionining him, he denied everything, accuse me of spying him in an angry way: he became someone else I did not know.
We were two weeks short of our 31 marriage aniversary, we had planned to go away to a resort like we did every year to enjoy another honeymoon. He was not very enthusiatic this time.
I was suspiciuos but I did not wanted to believe anything wrong.
Then I happened to find the Marriage Builders Site, looking for clues collecting information we started reading Dr Harley books together, he started changing a bit but still he was acting strange and was more accusing of thing that were not true.
My instinct told me there was trouble brewing,I started checking phone bills (he was hidding them from me, never before)
Then one weekend I had the flu, he had to travel out of town in bussiness and come back next day. He stayed for 3 days claiming the car was broken.
He called me only once, he did not tell what hotel he was in, he didn't ask for my health (unusual)and the engine of the supposelly broken car roaring in the background of the cell call.
The phone bill stated that call was coming from a different city, not the one he was supposed to be in.
Also there was a phone number he was always calling at unusal hours.(He was getting up 2 in the morning go downstairs to talk to her on the phone)
He set his cell phone with an answering service so every time I called he was not available and I had to leave message. So I did not know where he was. This was also not like him. Maybe he wanted me to discover the affair.I was in angish all the time, not knowing, suspecting him and feeling awful because I distrusted him.
One day I decided, broke his password and check his e mail and discovered my husband was having an affair with a 29 years old woman,they had decided not to see each other but they were still comunicating. I confronted him, he admited it, he felt guilty and ashamed, he assured me, nothing was missing in me to make him do that. It was just he was weak to this young, smart woman charms and was infatuated and in lust for a while.
They both wanted a taste of the forbidden, he said they had to stop because there was to much guilt involved.
Had nothing to do with his love for me and it will never happen again. It was over as soon as he realized the damage it was causing to our relationship and how his lack of care had distroyed my trust and broke my balance as a woman.
I have known him for more than 40 years, I had many male friends but he was and is my only man.
I trusted him blindly, because I love him and he is a special person. I was devastated, cried every day and night.
I tried not to be accusing, I accepted him when he came back to me for affection or sex.
And waited, waited...for him to be him again.
Finally after a few storms and 3 weeks he thanked me for been the way I am. Asked for forgiveness and promised to do everything possible to make me trust him again,spend all free time with me, "focus in me" that is what he calls it.He has commited in his own way.
I love him, I do have flash backs that hurt like hell every time I hear that name, or notice in him a different intimate attitude towards me. He claims he love me the way I am, does not want me to change. I am 54, attractive still look younger and people say I am intelligent, bubbly and pretty.
And I keep trying not to compare myself with the freshness of a woman who is almost my son's age.
Now, I do have to know what is he doing every moment he is out of my sight.
Reading all the material is this site has helped me a lot.
We are in our way to recovery. We chose to work more in our relationship and in spite of all we think we have a very solid marriage.
I hope I can help a bit with my painful recall,
everything can be solved when there is love and in all our life together we worked hard in keeping our marriage healthy. I forgive his slip but fogetting will take time or never happen...
I can not trust him blindly like before.
Pedushka
