I have a little different outlook on this Plan A-ing thing....Mine...not SH's. I don't know that your not telling what you found is a good idea. Now, you're keeping things from H. You're tramping down your emotions and you're not sharing with him.
I made no bones about the fact that I was snooping and that until I felt comfortable, I would continue to snoop, with or without his help. I asked for and got passwords and access. My H didn't like it, but it was his choice to give them to me, when I asked for them. I let him know that there were some things I needed to have to stay in the marriage, just as there were things he needed. (BTW...this is a false sense of security for the BS, passwords to email accounts, WS can get a new email account that spouse doesn't know about, cell phones, either use phone cards and pay phones, or get a new cell phone unknown by spouse, etc...but even tho it is false and you know it's false, it can help.)
I told him when I was suspicious and why. This did NOT keep him from lying to me about cell phone calls he made, but his words didn't keep me from looking either. He KNEW I would discover the truth...and I did. I made it clear that IF he wanted our marriage, he was going to have to live up to his promises of NC. That I was NEVER going to "look the other way". That if he wanted to continue, that was his choice, but that I then had a choice, too.
So, did you handle this in the correct way? You did if it's what you wanted to do and it doesn't create more damage. It isn't if it destroys something within you. jmho
Continued contact for a bit after the affair is outted is pretty normal. For whatever reason, closure, addiction withdrawal, saftey net excuses, whatever! It usually doesn't stop dead without some contact....but you don't have to make it easy either. jmho
