im running into a little problem lately. my W and I have been getting along the last couple of weeks with only one or two LB's on my part but many on hers. I feel like W's A with OM is still continueing but not for certain. W has started taking care of friends cats while they are away. each night she goes to their house to take care of cats and is usually gone for aleast 30min and has been gone for up to 2hrs. somenight she says she sits and reads a book or takes a bath. for awhile i called her just to ask how it was going and make sure she didnt fall asleep, maybe i was wrong for doing it but could stop myself. she was there everytime but im afraid OM might meet her there (perfect opportunity for them) my imagination tends to run wild. at the beginning after i found out about A and before i found MB's i made a lot of LB's. now i'm scared to bring up A because i dont want anymore LB's. my question is how (if at all) do i bring up the subject and negotiate for the A to stop without causing anymore pain or LB's on either side. please advise

rothals - you cannot and should not try to "negotiate" the end of the affair. Only when your W requests your help should you inject yourself. The reason for this is that your shortcomings - real or not - are the reason she's having the affair in the first place. This always puts the BS in a no win situation and any BS attempts to "end" the affair are received as more justification for it to continue.

All you can do is divorce her or fix the real problems you contributed if you want a chance at reconciliation. The first and biggest truth for BSs to learn is that they cannot change their WSs or undo their decisions. In the end, only the WS or OP can end the affair.

Get hot on Plan A and hunker down for the long haul.