Please help me!! My wife has recently told me about her affair. Her distance from us and disinterest in our family for the last two months makes sense now (her guilt). You can refer to my other post for more background.

The Problem that is now occurring is my wife is getting overwhelmed with guilt, even after I have told her that I forgive her, it seems like she is choosing flight over fight. What I mean by that is that the grief and guilt that she is experiencing has her considering leaving instead of staying and seeking counseling etc.. What should I do? At first I was concerned that she just wanted to leave to be with her other significant other, but now I'm pretty sure she just can't stand the overpowering feelings she has for what she's done. Should I let her go? But I'm affraid that if I do she'll leave for good. I want to seek help with her, not have her run from a situation that will follow her no matter where she goes.

Hi isutlick,

Welcome to MB! Sorry that you are going through this...

Are you and your wife in any type of marriage counseling? If not, I strongly suggest that you both find a good marriage counselor and start going.

This is a great place to find articles on dealing with adultery and many of the members here have gone through the exact same things that you and your wife are experiencing now... but their advice/experiences doesn't replace the need for professional marriage counseling.

Wishing you the best of luck on your road to rebuilding your marriage...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Please read your other post replies.

It sounds as if she is suffering from depression. This may have been a factor in the affair at the start (happens more often then people realize) and now she has the added saddness of loss of her own values. Her self-esteem is low and she needs some professional help, not only from a GOOD counselor, but from a medical doctor (ie. anti-depression drugs).

Depression is so hard on the one depressed AND the one who is living with them. They get to a place where they can't see anything but darkness, no hope, no positive thoughts. They become incapable of reaching out for help. As they can see no help.

Try to get her into see her doctor...ASAP.

Do you have children? That could be a factor, as her leaving, even if she later reconciles with you, will be traumatic for them.

Otherwise, I think the urge to leave is pretty classic. Guilt and not wanting to deal with the fall out of what she has done. My advice is: buy time, don't confront her or force her decision, but don't beg her to stay either. Try to be as calm as you can, and try to get her into MC. Also try to meet her needs. Try to connect with her and do something fun, with no R talk during this time.