My wife had been having a internet affair for 9 months and on a trip to russia to visit her family she went to stay with OM for 2 weeks and slept with him and wanted to have a family with him. I found out about it by reading her emails while she was visiting her family. She called me from her mothers house in russia after she came back from sleeping with this man for 2 weeks, she said she wasnt coming back to the U.S.. She didnt know I knew about everything and was shocked and was worried about what I told the OM. I told him everything of course he didnt know she was married. Anyways my wife told me she didnt love me the way she loved him and said sorry. I obviously wanted to strangle her and told her off. She never even gave me a hint she was unhappy. She emailed OM from russia and said she wanted his baby etc. plse give me another chance I love you etc. etc. Anyways after i cooled off i wrote her a nicer email and if she wanted to work on things to come back. After a few days of thing she came back. It has been 2 months since she has been back. Things are good most of the times but i blow up alot. Im having problems understanding why she would want a family with another man when she had a family. The OM is god awful ugly and absoltly no woman I know find him remotly attractive. Wife says OM wanted to have a family and a wife and thats what she wanted. I guess she forgot she was a wife? Anyways she said he would make a great father etc. but she also told me his girlfreind and him decided to have a baby aborted a few years earlier. How could my wife think he loves children when he aborts them. Why would my wife even think he wants children when he kills em?

Anyways, Im the kind of person who needs details so she told me everything. She never had an orgasim with the man and sleeping with him was fun until the sex part. I asked how could you sleep with more then once if you didnt like it. She said because i thought it would get better but it didnt, he wasnt anything like sleeping with me.
When she came back to me in the U.S. she said she doesnt think of him at all. It's been over 2 months since she has been back and we have had many talks. She says she has never even thought about him once in am emotional way and cant even believe she would do such a thing. Im really hard on her because she HAS to have thought about him some, it is humanly impossible to plan and do somthing like she did and NOT think about the other man. She now says that the only time she even thinks at all about him is when i bring it up and its not a romantic or wanting thought, more like i do remember him but have zero feeling for him and when i press for more detail she says she "look i dont know what to say, i havent thought of him ONE TIME SINCE I CAME BACK!, what do you want me to say? when you ask me to think about him i try to but i just see him as not even a friend more like one of those guys who was in love with you in high school that you dont want anything to do with and want them to leave you alone, i want to be with you, you are the only man i want to be with and you are my dream i always wanted, i dont know why i did it, i didnt think you cared about me"

This makes no sence to me, wheres the withdrawls, where is all this wanting another man stuff gone?
Where the hell did all these feeling go?

Well, maybe there wasn't any real feelings there. I'm not sure, but did she know him before she went home? Was there a history at all? It sounds more like a fling then an emotional affair. She just needed, being a woman, that "ILY" to make it alright in her mind. Not that what she did was in anyway right, but to justify it to herself during the time.

My H didn't think very much about the OW either. About the only time he thought about her/the affair was when I would bring it up or by my actions which he knew were coming from the fact that I was suffering because of it.

The WS does NOT want to think about it. They don't want to have to re-live being stupid, if that's how they see it, or being wrong, or doing something which hurt others. The last thing they want to do is have to admit to themselves how much they have messed up their own lives.

Remember...she did NOT have to come back home to you. She CHOSE to do so. She knew that you were angry and hurt, that this homecoming wouldn't be a pleasant one, but she came home anyway.

She may well turn all those "good" feelings she thought she was experiencing in the affair into the same compartment emotionally as she does the ones of disbelief at what she did, being ashamed, guilt, and suffereing. Everything that "was" the affair is now connected to all the pain and horror of the betrayal.

So those feelings that you read...may not have been real feelings to begin with, just justication for doing something she knew was wrong...and if there were any feelings they are now so mixed in with the suffering of what has happened, that they did die.

Bog,

Actually that happen's a lot, people will only go into withdrawal if there was an emotional connection. It would be like looking for love and using sex to find it, you cant find love that way. Even with people that have a sexual addiction, the withdrawal they experience is not from the person they were with, but the stopping of the addiction. Dont just listen to what your W say's, see if her action's are what she is saying.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by just a wifey 2002:
<strong>Well, maybe there wasn't any real feelings there. I'm not sure, but did she know him before she went home? Was there a history at all? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She was having an emotional affair over the internet for 9 months before she went to meet him on a trip that was suppose to be to her native country of Russia, she went to russia then bought a ticket to Norway to meet her lover in person for the first time. She spent 2 weeks with him and slept with him every day she was there, when she flew back to russia to stay with her family I had already found out. Myw ife told me she wasnt coming home and she didnt love me and loved the other man. My wife had posted on a popular message board where her and her lover had met that she was soory for lying to everyone and she has left her husband and step child for the man she loved. She sent her lover an email 3 days after I found out that she only loved him and she wanted to have a family with him and name the child after him.

My wife says now that she was just upset and knew I would not forgive her so she didnt want to lose him too (he didnt know she was married). After about a week of not knowing what her lover wanted and myself asking her to come back she decided to come back to the U.S. from russia.

Anyways I asked her to come back not knowing this would bother me so much and i thought i could forget about it. Now that shes back I dont see her as the same person. In fact she seems much less human almost like a animal. I try to cheapen what i believe marriage should be to cope with her thoughtless actions and betrayal.