Well I thought it would never happen, but I finally went to counseling with my wayward spouse yesterday.

But before I talk about that let me back track. Two nights ago we went to see a Catholic Priest in our area (even though we aren't married in the church; married civilly). The priest talked to her alone for about 20 minutes (nerve racking for me)while I sat in waiting room. When I returned she seemed a little softer. She told me after the meeting that the priest told her something that was interesting. He said, "Love is not a feeling it's a choice." Then she said that she realizes that her affair was about feelings and not a choice. She said that she chose to have a family with me and chose to love me. I know she still has feelings for the guy, but she told me that with time those will fade. At the same time I know that she has had and has feelings for me along with the choice she made to start a family and marry me.

Back to counseling: She told me yesterday before the counseling that she wasn't sure how she was feeling or even if she wanted to go, but she went. She said during the counseling that she wasn't sure if salvaging our marriage was possible. This a day after telling me that we were going to make it work. It seems like she does alot of bouncing around, from being resolute in making it work (and acting soft and warm), to being a little disconnected and bothered (somewhat distant). She says that she is fighting the "temptation" to leave, which seems pretty strong at times. I ask her what are you tempted to do? She says, "Leave." Then I ask her, "Does a part of you want to stay with me and the girls?" and she says, "Yes."

My questions are: Is this normal? Should I be concerned? Also, I've been pretty shell shocked and it's been hard to be strong, my weaknesses are showing. Part of me is affraid to be strong because I'm affraid that when she thinks I'm strong enough to handle it, she'll leave. But at the same time when I show too much weakness she tells me that that also makes her want to leave. How should I approach this? I'm concerned that if I am too strong about this that she will feel that I'm disconnected as well, and I do not want that at all.

Well...they don't call this a rollercoaster for nothing. So yes, this is normal. Depending on what way we are looking at the situation tends to give different outlooks. When she is feeling positive and hopeful, then she's into saving her marriage. When she's depressed and seeing all the dangers ahead, she thinks about running away.

Should you be concerned? Well, you're going to be concerned rather you should be or not. It's scary. As for being strong or showing your "weakness", you're going to do both. That's just how it works. As to how she will preceive it, that's her choice. Nothing much you can do, but be honest about what you feel when you feel it. (Remember, you're on your own rollercoaster ride.)