My situation is very long and could take pages but I'll try to summarize my problems. I've been married to my wife over 7 years and we have two sons. Our marriage was going okay except for her problem with drinking until this fall.

Over the summer she ran into an old friend from 10 years ago which works at the same large corporation she and I both work at. Over time they started flirting and evertually they started an affair. In mid-October I knew something was wrong and took my wife out of town for a long weekend in attemp to reconnect us. It didn't work.

Actually the Friday after we got back she ask for a divorce at lunch and went to his house that night and had sex with him. She told me she stayed at a girls friends house and I begged her until the following Tuesday to choose us and to make it work. She agreed, we then saw a marriage counselor on that Thursday and when we got home after dinner she jump up and left me again. She went back to him that night.

The following Friday morning (last week) she called me and begged me to come back to her. I talked to her all day and agreed. The weekend was good but during the early part of this week she has continued drinking some much that she's punched me in the face and has been verbally abusive. Last night when she was drunk she told me that she was still in contact with the man and that they had been having sex allot at motels during work and whenever they could sneak it in.

I left her last night and today she's asking me to come back. She says she's giving up drinking entirely (going to AA) and that the other man is out of her life forever.

My problem is that she has been verbally abusive for a long time, physically abusive at times, she's an alcholic, she lies and there's the infidelity factor. I love my wife and sons dearly and I would love to have a great life with them however I don't believe it will work if I go back. There are so many problems and so much damage has been done already. I will never ever see my wife the same way and I will never trust her again. For the rest of our relationship I would always wonder where she is at all times and that is torture.

What should I do? She told me that tonight when I get off work to come home to her and work it out or things are over. I will suffer if I go home mostly likely and if I don't go home I will probably suffer more without the woman I love.

Please advise? Thanks and god bless.

At this time, my advice would be not to go back. You and your W need to get her help for her drinking, make some agreements about what you each can expect in the coming months before you just move back into the same situation you left. She needs to prove that she is really committed to stopping drinking, this isn't something she can just announce one day and make true. jmho It's going to take some time for her to get this under control. (I would be concerned about leaving young children with her.)

While the infidelity is a major problem, sadly until she addresses the drinking one, neither of you are going to be able to make any decisions. Which only keeps you from beginning any healing.

You can go home and talk to her tonight, but as for moving back in as if nothing has happened...well..something has happened, and you need to really communicate what each of you need to do now, in the future and how you each think you can meet those goals.

With her...now or never additude, is not a good indication that she is truly ready to make any changes. jmho

I thought I had it bad. My wifes a cheater too but your wife sounds really messed up and mean as hell. Probably a lot to do with her drinking and probably drugs too. My brother had a wife that sounds like yours. She was mostly on drugs (methandamines) When he found out he cut the money she was using off thinking it would stop het from taking drugs. Well like most women who are addicted and have no money she got it by pleasing the drug dealer. She never even tried to get help until the marriage was over. My brother was a normal well athletic and good looking guy that was exciting and fun to be around. You might have done nothing wrong at all in your marriage, some women just are missing somthing inside there soul. It's been 6 years since they divorced, brother moved on and has what seems to be a nice woman. Maybe get her clean so she can rationally make a decision. I wouldnt be sleeping with her though, shes probably been with the most filthy type of people.