hello th, Your discovery is so new, that the pain is still very acute. Time really does help heal, though it sure may not feel that way now! <BR>I can relate to how you describe your situation at home with h. Your h is getting frustrated because things are not moving the way he may have anticipated? Maybe extreme guilt? Maybe avoiding conflict. Some things to consider, along with everything else?<BR>After a short while in a frustrating state of marriage, I made the decision to trust. Oh boy-that short litle sentence sounds easy huh? It was a hard choice, but it was the sanest for me. <BR>Yes, it goes against the grain and against the prinicples of most recovery books and counselors that advocate the betrayer must earn trust. That is why I am sharing it with you. Sometimes the unconventional can smooth an otherwise rocky road? It can work, we are living proof, but certainly would not be for everyone.<BR>My h works overseas and was leaving again a short time after discovery. We were not far enough along in the healing process for him to have earned trust, so something had to be done. I made the choice to give him the trust, in total, so that we could move forward. Otherwise the distance and lack of faith would grate on me daily. I refused to live like this, and gave him the responsibility to remain true and honest. Somewhere inside I knew he would not fail me, but I also knew that I could handle it if he chose not to be faithful. <BR>I have enough kids, and did not want to mother another either. H clearly had the choice to either remain faithful or end the marriage, sort of like "fish or cut bait".<BR>TH, if he wanted to leave you, he has had plenty of oppotunity hasn't he? Can there be a compromise between the imprisoned feeling he has and your own security? <BR>(((hugs)))
