Two weeks ago, I found out that my H was having an affair, again. This is the 3rd one in 18 years. He moved out & is staying in a friend's barn. We have 3 children, 10, 6, 3 all boys. He hasn't stopped contact with OW, because he's not sure if she's pregnant or not. I discovered Marriage builders after the 2nd affair, and we worked REALLY HARD, to rebuild.

I don't know if anything can be salvaged this time, if OW is not pregnant, because I'm afraid he will do it again.

Sunflower,

I understand how you feel. When WS do this to their Spouses, they do it to their families as well, but they aren't thinking when they do it. They are only thinking of themselves and what feels good to them. I know this. I was once a WS myself and vowed never to ever put anyone through that heartache again. I set out to make my H the happiest man on earth becaues to be together caused so much hurt and pain for so many people...Sadly, I failed in my efforts..

Little did i Know...my new S whom I love so so much and worked so hard to have in my life would put ME through it.

I am living proof that what goes around comes around, if that is any consolation to you....

My C told me God says "we Reap what we sow." I believe that is so true.

I can only tell you and each and every person on here...God deals with this in his time. You may not ever see that result because God doesn't want us to get pleasure from it, but it WILL happen. It's not easy for relationships to surive that are built on such lies....not only that, but when the pain of true betrayal and knowing how much you hurt your S, your children, and all those around you because of such selfishness, it eats you up inside...

And then there's always truth to the fact that...if he was willing to do it with me, he'd do it with someone else.

I know when you are going through this pain, that's little consolation, but I am finding that for me, acceptance and prayer are what is getting me through the feeling of being discarded like yesterday's trash...

Take care.

Well, since the MB approach to affair-proofing a marriage did not work, maybe you should try a different approach this time, if you get a chance. Two different books that we have used that we have found helpful were "The State of Affairs" by Todd Mulliken, and "Torn Asunder", by Carder. Mulliken's book looks at the dynamics of marriage a little differently than Harley, and, contrary to Harley, suggests 80% of men do not stray because of unmet emotional needs. He does recognize the importance of unmet EN's, but his emphasis is different. Carder's book has a little more information than Harley's "Surviving an Affair" on the different paths WS's and BS's need to take to recover. Both TSOA and TA look at remorse quite differently than SAA in a way that I found helpful. This is not to be critical of HArley's methods. I actually find both books to be consistent with Harley's point of view in most areas. Those places where they differ were helpful for us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He hasn't stopped contact with OW, because he's not sure if she's pregnant or not. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you say "Lame Excuse"? He has not stopped contact because he does not want to stop contact. Doh!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I discovered Marriage builders after the 2nd affair, and we worked REALLY HARD, to rebuild. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your H seems to have stopped working on the honesty and protection parts...