Lee,

Thanks for your honesty and candor!! You are so right... Not speaking for SS, but for me...

I've posted somewhere else about the fantasy being better than the reality. I did not participate in CS (yuck), but the fantasy about running away and maybe meeting sometime in the future... (OM was not someone I know) was just a way to escape from the loneliness I've been living in for too long.

I haven't told DH. It has been 8 days since last contact for me. I cancelled my account. He has no way of contacting me and I WILL not contact him. The last thing I sent him was a link to Dr. Harleys article on Internet Infidelity. When I started reading that, I began to see just what I had allowed myself to become involved in.

I have no intention of leaving my DH. OM said he didn't want to leave his DW. It was just play... but very dangerous... my emotions for him were beginning to overshadow the feelings I had for MY man.

As far as revealing to DH... SS, you have to make that decision. I may be wrong, but I thing Dr. Harley is strong on Radical Honesty... and would probably encourage you to reveal... but he also says that the rules change with an alcoholic spouse... I don't know how this applies to your situation... I've asked and gotten differing opinions ...Click here to read....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Perhaps he is just as lost as me. When one is terribly lonely, i guess the grass gets even greener on the other side.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would encourage you to let him deal with his grass... If you are not contacting him anymore, let it be... If you are still in contact, tell him what you are doing about working on your marriage... send him the marriage builders link... and DROP it like a hot potato!! It has been 8 days for me. I am still doing a lot of crying, but the truth is, we were both willing to risk our marriages by chatting it up with each other... we spent a lot of time online... when he should have been working... and I should have been working... I can't make him do right, but I can let him be and pray that he is doing right now...

{{{SS}}} I know that the pain is like drug withdrawals... but hang on to your marriage... It is reality!! You have an investment in this marriage! Praying for your counseling sessions to go well and to be a step in each others direction!

Thank you Lee and Losin for all your helpful inputs. Our counseling didn't go too well. The counselor basically said my H needs to take care of his alcohol problem before we can fix our marriage. I have yet to see him sign up for any treatment program. I haven't admitted to my EA yet. I don't feel it's the right time. As for the OM, he text me and asked if we could stay friends. Is that really possible? I don't think it is. We don't do IM, phone calls and definitely no cybersex. We do text messaging. I haven't responded to his messages although I've been tempted many times. You're right calling it a drug. You yearn so much to hear someone tell you he cares about how your day went and how you feel...to the point that it doesn't matter if it's genuine or not. Pathetic isn't it? I never see myself as pathetic in the past but that's how I'm feeling now. I'm trying hard to work on our marriage but somehow I don't feel like I'm giving my 100%. Perhaps it has something to do with this fantasy of mine deceiving me to believe that I really do love the OM. I need to snap out of it before it's too late. I am really hating myself for getting into this mess. I wish it was all a bad dream and I'd wake up soon enough. Thanks for the support. It's so refreshing to know I'm not alone.

My advice would be for one more contact with OM. You need to tell him in writing that you don't want to see or talk to him in any way again. That you are going to try to work on your marriage with your husband. You must also make it clear that he should respect your wishes and not contact you either. Being friends is out of the questions. Just my humble advice.
DB