Hello,

Never thought I'd ever be here but any help is appreciated. I just found out 3 days ago my wife had 2 affairs in our six year mariage. The only reason she told me is because she gave me an STD and had no choice. The affairs were about 5 years apart. So I quess she really didn't have to tell me about the first one. The thing about the first one is she told me she's not sure if our 4 year old son is mine or not. At the time she got pregnant I heard rumors she had an affair but she totaly denied it at the time. I'm in the military stationed overseas so I have no other family around. Also, getting on meds is not an option. She tells me she loves me and it won't happen again but i can't tell if she's sincere. I can't sleep or eat. Anyway the fact that she gave me a STD and my son might not be mine are killing me. Also we have a six year old son. How do i really know if it's worth all this?????

thanks

What a horrible story. I hope you have an opportunity to talk to your chaplin or a counselor immediately. I would think long and hard about your future with your wife. This is at least her second affair in your short marriage and she tells you she is not sure your son is yours which certainly indicates it may have been a long term affair. She tells you about a current affair only because she gave you an STD.
The fact is that she is good at lying to you and putting your health at great risk by cheating on you. She has given you an STD and maybe next time it could be even worse.
Only you can decide if you wish to stay and whether it is worth it but I think anybody deserves better than what you have gone through.
I don't see how you could possible trust her not to continuously do this. I would also consider seeing an attorney to determine your possible financial obligations in the future. I would seriously consider whether you wish to have your children raised by a mother who clearly has a broken moral compass. I am truly sorry for your pain but do not let her destroy your life and your future.
Good Luck.

FA:

I agree with Bryanp about most of what he has said in response 2 your story. This is hard, and particularly because she's intimated that your child may not be your biological child.

BUT, and this is the important point, do you love her? In spite of what she's "done"? Recognize that it's entirely possible 2 do so and NOT stay M'd 2 her. But it will take work. You should do this "work" on you anyway, so as 2 be a better M partner 2 either your current W (in a "new and improved", educated state, with a sincere desire 2 right the wrongs she can). You should probably satisfy your uncertainty by getting DNA proof of your child's parentage - for your own peace of mind at least.

People make all kinds of mistakes in life. But you know what? They are still people. And they'll continue 2 be people so long as they live. I'm sure there are qualities about your W that you cherish, even knowing what you now know. It's entirely up 2 you as 2 whether you can believe your W is sincere about rebuilding your M or not. I realize that the STD is what prompted her 2 tell you about her As, but there are many here that have overcome their WS's As WITHOUT the WS voluntarily telling the BS about the A (even some with STD's involved), because the BS found out on their own - I'm hoping 2 be one of those, even2ally.

There is a lot we here on the 4um DON'T know about your si2ation. And in the details, only you can really decide. But you SHOULD get counseling as soon as possible. BOTH of you. And keep an open mind, as much as it is possible 2 do so through all this. You may stay M'd, or you may not. But LEARN all you can, whatever the outcome you decide. It is YOUR decision.

All my best,

Falling Apart,

I can only echo what the others have told you. Sometimes it just helps to know that there are others that have gone through similar kinds of things. Read all you can on this site.

I too have a wife who has had multiple affairs, including ones that were suspiciously close to the conception of our only son. My wife has told me that our son is mine, and I have chosen to believe her, even though I still have nagging doubts. You must decide what you want to do with that information - do you want to know if you are the biological father? Have you decided what you would do with paternity information, either way it turns out?