The first time you did it, was it like, "Oh my God" ripping off the clothes & doing it on the floor <B>NOW</B>?<P>A simple yes or no will do. No sordid details required.

It was not like that at all (no sordid details forthcoming). I do think there is a part 2 to this question though. This question's answer doesn't really explain anything, as far as understanding goes. If there is a part 2, we'll be more than happy to explain.

Chris,<P>Simple and straight forward answer. Do you remember the first time you made love to your W? Was it exciting? Yes, I know the DETAILS of your situation. It's not that much different. <P>I am 39 years old and have had sex with 7 different women in my lifetime. Each experience was different. I'm sure that this is more that you wanted to know. <P>I have only made love to 2. My first W and my present W. The other 5 were just the act. Yes, and if anyone if wondering did I do IT in the back of an ambulance? Yes, I did and I'm not proud of it.<P>True love has nothing to do with intercourse. It's a nice way to show you care. Love comes from your feelings for someone.<P>Just my take on it.<P>Tim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>True love has nothing to do with intercourse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I totally agree although I can't say from experience as my Wife is the only one I've been with and I'm almost 39.

I have beat Chris, I am 48 and H is the only one I have been with. <P>Too bad my H doesn't post here then he could answer your question. I don't know about tearing off the clothes but they did it on the floor where they work. They are custodians and were partners until some one caught them. Too bad they didn't get fired or at least too bad she didn't get fired (She has less senority). They clean buildings. I guess that is one way to mop the floor.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Chris,<P>You truely love her, right? Once again the blind can see this.<P>Val was a virgin when we met. That was a hang up for me back then, you know the virgin bride thing. I wanted to be the only one she ever had. <P>Fast forward to the present. The physical thing doesn't bother me so much now anymore. Am I maturing? Nah, probably not!<P>I would rather be the one that she gives her soul and heart to. If you guys would have seen her eyes yesterday, that just about killed me. There is so much love that she has to give and I ****ed up really badly. <P>Tim

I don't think the physical thing has really bothered me too much. It’s just the pain of knowing she did it with at least 2 others she & split without a thought.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris<P>I am sure every situation is different, but would venture to say this. In some affairs the sex is the driver but these are rare and usually don't amount to much long term.<P>Most of the affairs you see in this forum (long term) have developed from a strong emotional attachment firstly and then consumated some time afterwards (the worst kind for the betrayed I believe). <P>I have no doubt that the first physical act in these affairs would be full of passion and desire and unfortunately once this occurs you then have at least 2 primary emotional needs being met by the OP.<P>Quite a depressing thought isn't it!<P>Regards<BR>Fairenough

My stbx said it was so natural with om compared to with me. She got so she had to have few drinks to be with me. Then in counseling she told me she could have sex with anybody after a few drinks, ouch !!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

SDS,<BR>You are RARE. I sure I am too. I have made love to only two because it is sacred for me. If everything had worked out, I would have only had one also.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Oh, Diana, you are too funny! "I guess that's one way to mop the floor." What a riot. Too bad someone didn't throw a bucket of water on them!!

The answer for me is NO! We were both very nervous and the guilt I felt afterwards was one of the worst things I ever felt in my life! I drank so much tequila afterwards I'm surprised I didn't die. I ended up crying for 3 straight hours thinking about what I had just done to a 14 year marriage that should have been worked on instead of given up on. I guess what I am saying is that it's not always as one might imagine it would be....

It is interesting what you said about "it not always being what one imagines..." and I am glad to hear someone felt guilty. I have often wondered what my H felt like afterwards--can't imagine it was guilt because it went on for so long. Whenever I have asked what he was thinking or if he thought about how I would feel when I found out, he never replies or says "I wasn't thinking". But the imagination can take you all over the board. I think worse than the sex was the emotional attachment you've talked about. I discovered his affair by finding a card he was sending to OW which stated how much he enjoyed the time they had spent together and how he looked forward to their future memories. That is something that will be etched in my brain forever and makes me ill whenever I think of it.

Chris - Interestingly, I was my 2nd (current) W's OM for a while when we first started going together. (She was dating - and f*cking - someone else at the time although they hadn't reached the commited relationship stage. & how can you tell if you're the OM and not him? She tells you about him and doesn't tell him about you!) I've had the best sex of my entire life with her, though I wouldn't say it started out that way. I think both of us were too nervous, as we were spending our first night together in the proverbial motel room. I've had sex with half a dozen women but, I think, only really made love to my W.<P>di - LOL about their mopping the floor!<P>RWD - Boy, that IS twisting the knife!<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex<P>

Ummmmm...okay, I'll testify.<P>I almost did this morning, but didn't want to surprise Suse in case she was reading after I left for work. We talked about your post over a glass of wine tonite.<P>For me... yeah, I'll admit it was exciting. Yes, we'd both looked forward to it with anticipation. Well, duh, right? But, also it was very awkward. I'd not been with anyone but Suse in the previous 23+ years. It was pretty weird I will tell you. More so with the perspective of time. <P>There was no renting of garments (no tearing either, rented or purchased. LOL). It was quite quiet. Almost sort of forlorn, actually. Together.... but alone. Does that make any sense?<P>Don't know about everyone, but I'm with fairenough. Sex wasn't the driver. It was a desparate need to connect with someone intimately.<P>FWIW.

I'm the slut of this group... in the 70's I was "looking for love in all the wrong places" (as the song used to say) and I had my share of men. It is something that I have had to live with, forgive myself for, and beg God's forgiveness for over the years. When I met my H, he was a virgin. For 19 years we were only with each other (his affairs were EA's only, some physical, but not "the act").<P>Okay, fast forward to my affair, with one time of intercourse in the, who said it?, "proverbial" hotel room. It was the saddest, most seedy, slow-motion day that I will never forget (nor should I). I cried in that hotel room, not out of lust or passion, but out of guilt and shame. I came home, showered in the hottest water I could find, drank like crazy and faced my H when he came home that night. We had one of the worst fights of our lives and I told him, although I lied and said we'd (the OM and I) had sex earlier in the week.<P>A testiment to how horrid the whole experience was is that I never did it again. Stopped cold turkey, so to speak.<P>No, the sex meant nothing... it was an end result to a 3 mo. affair... and then it was over. And I have no desire to visit the things that meant something with him anymore.<P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon

I guess I posted this question because I have been thinking about it. Also, last night I watched “The Presidio.” Althoug they weren’t having an affair, the first time they did it, it was total careless abandon. I would think that is how it would be since at least one of the parties is married & would have to go wild to mask the guilt.<P>Dmac & suse, Yeah, I thought about you two when I posted it. Wondering if it would strike a nerve with both of you here. But I’m glad to see you can discuss it openly. After all, isn’t that what MB is all about? <p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited December 16, 1999).]

But you realize the truth now, right Chris?

nb, I guess. At least there was some guilt which you and others were feeling. Not much of a consolation, but it’s good to know that your conscience was working.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

and Chris, let me ask you... how did asking this help you? <P>when you said... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I would think that is how it would be since at least one of the parties is married & would have to go wild to mask the guilt.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why does being married make someone go wild to mask the guilt? Wasn't it wild with your W without the guilt? Just trying to get some understanding. <P>------------------<BR>Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.<P>~John Lennon