Duplicating your post on WAT's Guidelines thread:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, loved the guidelines. Especially the doormat part. I've used those exact words. And the snooping/research. H just admitted (3-year!) A in counseling, but only because I found OP's letters. OP called me at work this week ! H says A is over, OP says it's not. Trying not to dwell on all the lies over the past 3 years. Need someone to talk to - should I tell family & friends or will they all tell me to kick H out? I want marriage to work but has been stale for quite awhile. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Replies come slowly when you tag along on an existing thread. Please consider starting a new thread of your own to get more responses. Include the answers to these questions:

Have you told any family and friends?

Is there a common employment relationship between your H and OP?

Is your H actively participating in counseling?

What was OP's reason for calling you?

Do you have any children?

Please read up on Plan A.

Thanks, WAT
You're right. I just found your message. I'll read up on plan A. Do you recommend "Surviving The Affair"?
I'm feeling better but it's because we've both "put it aside" for the holidays. We are participating in counseling separately and together. But H still works near OP. I won't feel comfortable until that situation changes, but it take time to find a new job. I think OP called me in order to force WS decision - one way or the other. It appears he moved my way, but we still have major major issues.

can - absolutely, Surviving An Affair (SAA) is a must read for you. Also get a copy of His Needs/Her Needs. Both these are by Harley and can be ordered at the "Bookstore" section of the MB site.

There are lots of other books out there that are also worthy reads. My personal favorite is Private Lies by Frank Pittman.

It's good that you both are in counseling. It's also good that OP's call to you sounded like one of desperation.

Do you both have the same counselor? If so, as counseling progresses, ask your counselor during an IC session whether your H is ready to read these books. Only then should you suggest to him that they were helpful to you. In other words, do not try to force them onto him. Yes, leave them out so he can pick them up on his own. The point here is to avoid trying to educate him before he's ready - and then let him do it on his own.

WAT

Thank you so much, you're a voice of reason in my surreal world.