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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 8 |
WS had 3 year (on & off) affair; supposedly off for good now, but I feel like he's stolen those years from me. I can't have any memories (good or bad) of the past 3 years without wondering if he was lying about this or that. OP actually called me last week! Freaked me out, but she was the one who told me how long the A had been going on. She also said WS was supposed to have left me (he's still here). How do I get past "losing" 3 years of our 10-year marriage? How do I forgive 3 years of lies?
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,516
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Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,516 |
Short answer: Not easily!
Long answer: Through counseling which addresses the issues of the affair, plus those other issues that need to be addressed in the marriage (we all have them). It takes the time it takes. It takes a spouse being remorseful, changing their behavior and making repartations. It takes your acceptance of what happened and your understanding of some of the factors. It's facing up to each other, being honest, being open, being friends again. It takes time! (I know I repeated...but it's true.)
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
ditto wifey
Through this process you will very lkely discover that he also needs to forgive you, so it'll be a two way street.
Dishing out forgiveness comes easier when we realize we'd like some, too.
Don't get me wrong - his failing in having the affair and conducting 3 years worth of lies likely FAR surpasses your failings. But you likely own some of the problems that created the poor marital environment that preceded the affair.
Please see my other post to you.
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 8 |
Thanks for your calming words. I so desperately need to talk to people who will not judge me if we decide to ultimately make it work. I do have an appointment with a counselor just for me (not couples counseling). Today I was inches away from crying all day, but somehow made it through. H is very remorseful... there may be hope.
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