My H had an EA/PA over a short time (about 3 months total) He confessed everything to me and has been willing (although not eager) to answer all of my questions. He met her while at work(he's a truckdriver and she was a security guard sat one of his stops) It began by him talking to her about his problems and mutual flirting. He has told me she made all the first moves (he said no at first) She told him all sorts of private things and he told me...I e-maild her H and "shared" all the details with him (partly for revenge which I know was wrong...but also I truly believe he had a right to know) They are separated and he thought they were working on their marriage. She has since been calling my H at work making threats to him (and me) I have contacted her boss and had her transfered...she still calls so my H wrote a letter to her boss asking for them to intervene (knowing this will cause her to be fired) We are moving along with our marriage despite the obstacles. I need advice tho on a couple of things.

1) the OW is adding me to her "buddy" list. She can't be sure that its me as i don't have my name on the account..I think shes "fishing" Should I talk to her? As of now shes never spoken to me even by phone. I have never set eyes on this woman and have no desire to put a face to her. She is VERY angry that i told her H about the A and she yelled at my H that I had "no right" telling HER personal business. (I also told her H about ANOTHER man my H knew about) She faces losing her son over my spilling the beans.

2) I am having a VERY hard time dealing with the fact that my H sister and brother-in-law knew the entire time what was happening. I had suspicions and called them begging for truth. They both said "if anything like that was happening we'd tell you, because we love you and the kids too much to lie about something like that" (We have 3 kids 14s,13d,12d) My kids used to have a close relationship with them and in light of all thats happened they now want nothing to do with their Dads family at all. (unfortunately they all know what happened as my H was angry at me and slipped in front of our son) I asked my H what advice his sis gave him regarding this mess and he told me she said to "divorce the Bi*** and get it over with" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> When i had found out they knew I confronted her and said some not-so-nice things...They now will not take any calls from my house even tho for about 2 weeks my H stayed there to "think". My 13yo told her school she was contemplating suicide... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> they called me and I tried calling her Dad but they wouldn't answer the phone, so I left a detailed message on my sis-in-laws cell...she told my H, "call your wife something about Erica" I am in IC and so are my kids. My H is home with us and shows that he is committed to making it work with me. He told me he'd go to IC but hasn't yet. The problem is he "hopes" that one day we'll all be a big happy family again with his sis...I can't see that happening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Any advice? lol trust me anything you can say would be most appreciated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nutcase3:
<strong>1) the OW is adding me to her "buddy" list. She can't be sure that its me as i don't have my name on the account..I think shes "fishing" Should I talk to her? As of now shes never spoken to me even by phone. I have never set eyes on this woman and have no desire to put a face to her. She is VERY angry that i told her H about the A and she yelled at my H that I had "no right" telling HER personal business. (I also told her H about ANOTHER man my H knew about) She faces losing her son over my spilling the beans.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stay away from MOW. Don't give her the pleasure of even letting her anger on you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>2) I am having a VERY hard time dealing with the fact that my H sister and brother-in-law knew the entire time what was happening. I had suspicions and called them begging for truth. They both said "if anything like that was happening we'd tell you, because we love you and the kids too much to lie about something like that" (We have 3 kids 14s,13d,12d) My kids used to have a close relationship with them and in light of all thats happened they now want nothing to do with their Dads family at all. (unfortunately they all know what happened as my H was angry at me and slipped in front of our son) I asked my H what advice his sis gave him regarding this mess and he told me she said to "divorce the Bi*** and get it over with" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> When i had found out they knew I confronted her and said some not-so-nice things...They now will not take any calls from my house even tho for about 2 weeks my H stayed there to "think". My 13yo told her school she was contemplating suicide... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> they called me and I tried calling her Dad but they wouldn't answer the phone, so I left a detailed message on my sis-in-laws cell...she told my H, "call your wife something about Erica" I am in IC and so are my kids. My H is home with us and shows that he is committed to making it work with me. He told me he'd go to IC but hasn't yet. The problem is he "hopes" that one day we'll all be a big happy family again with his sis...I can't see that happening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are your kid's uncle and auntie, you are angry at this point but you have to at least be civil with them for the sake of your kid. One thing that concerned me the most is : "divorce the Bi*** and get it over with" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Meaning that you have some issues that you has contributed to this mess. I don't mean that you cause the A (WH made that choice) but be honest w/ yourself do a self-check. Learn about working on plan A, you are going to need it.

-rh-

<small>[ November 22, 2002, 10:25 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

I know i have issues...and am confronting them head-on in counceling. My kids don't want anything to do with their aunt and uncle. I can't understand my in-laws hatred of me at this point. Yes i had problems leading up to my H's A (I was in an auto accident that left me with a closed-head injury and honestly a completely different personality than before) I wasn't there for him emotionally, i became addicted to the internet looking for the attention he wasn't giving me. We fell into a catch 22 situation, that we are now crawling up out of. Before the confrontation with her, my sis-in-law would say hatefull snide things to me when my H wasn't listening. I told him about it but he refused to see it. My SIL has taken their mothers place after their mom died, and does her best to control every situation. She called my H 4x in an hour while he was with me trying to get back together, telling him "don't get to comfortable" and he now says yes, she IS too much into his business (and OUR business) but she's his sis and whats he supposed to do?

Thank you for your input. Obviously I needed a fresh outlook on this mess lol