I was the cheater in this marriage. My husband and I both are using this site as a outlet. Thank you for all the good advice. I'm feeling like your giving my husband permission to walk all over me for as long as it takes him to come to terms with this. He seems to think he is justified to do whatever he want, whenever he wants. He yells and then expects me to go hug him and kiss him.
I really do get the fact that I did this to him and now hes hurting. I know he had no choice but to feel this betrayal from me. I want nothing more then to make this marriage work.
I got alot of advice to tell him all the details he wants so I did that tonite.
I have been telling him for a week to go and stay somewhere for a few days to sort his mind out. He didnt wanna go locally because he said he didnt wanna be apart. Well, now he has decided to go home to visit his family and to clear his mind.
he keeps saying is hes gonna go home and party,party and partry somemore. I was under the impression he was gonna go home to have time to think. I get hes gonna party so OK but now he saying hes gonna go pick up girls. Then he asks me if I think hes gonna cheat on me. What the hell is that???? I dont know what to think.

heh.

I hope you dont expect him to be everything that H should be after what youve done to him. You should be thanseful to him that he still with you. YOU have to please him in the possible way you only can imagine (this is only my opinion though)
Also you have to be ready for his mood swings all the time. Today he will be all yours and tomorrow he will just ask you to dissapear.
My husband sometimes using everything I've told him, all the little details against me and sometimes I'm hoping maybe some of it will help him out and will help to build our relationship alot stronger. And when there is "sunny" days for us. I feel like I'm the happiest person alive. If you really love him, be thankseful that after youve done you still with him.

Good luck

Hi TH,

Please have your H read my posts to you... I don't think that he'll find ANYWHERE in my post where I say that he has the "right" to walk all over you...

Is your H willing to log on and start posting here?

As for his statements that he's going to go home and visit his folks and party... I think that this is most probably a reaction to the hurt that he's feeling right now... My first instinct was to "hurt her like she hurt me"... but in the end, I realized that having a revenge affair would only hurt our already strained marriage.

I'm so sorry that he's hinting that he's going to have an affair, but I can also understand where he is coming from. My only suggestion is to just tell him that you are sorry for your actions, that you are committed to rebuilding your marriage, that you are willing to answer his questions, and that you'll be here for him when he gets back from his visit....

Hang in there...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I'm feeling like your giving my husband permission to walk all over me for as long as it takes him to come to terms with this.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's strange that you say this because it's usually the BS(betrayed spouse) with a WS(wayward spouse) still involved in an A(affair) that is the one that feels like a doormat.

If you can be more specific as to what we are saying to your H(husband) that is encouraging him to walk all over you, then we could clarify the situation with you and him so that both of you don't feel like you're being abused by one another. It would also help if you could give us your H's user name so that we can post to him and rectify this situation to your liking.