I have read many post here and I am wondering what everyone thinks about confronting the ow or om? My husband had a fling over a year ago and I just found out. He is in aa and has nine months clean. I am in Al-anon. I am trying very hard to work through this. Please let me know what you all think about confronting the other person.
Thanks,
botnika 100

If it was a fling (1 time thing)i wouldnt contact her but if it is ongoing i would.

No need to contact her for anything except an NC letter. You might want to tell her H. He has a right to know, IMO. Practiacally speaking, you might not want to because of the possible repercussions, like violence toward the OW or your H. It is best if his W tells him, preferably in the presence of a third party, like an MC, to avoid the possibility of him hurting her.

If the affair (fling) has been over...leave it alone! The OP in the affair is now a non-issue and the focus should be kept on the marriage.

Usually having any contact with the OP, rather it is the WS or the BS is keeping the affair alive. You will NOT receive any peace, even if the OP is truthful. Which may or may not be the case. The OP may be hurting and may wish to hurt you or your spouse. The OP may have moved on and have no wish to revisit that time in their lives.

Your focus should only be on your marriage, which only involves you and your spouse. The intrusion of the OP in your relationship is to be avoided.

As for the NC letter...this is to be done, ONLY if your spouse has been in recent contact with the OP or continues to be in contact with them. If the affair/fling is over...let it stay in the past...get on with reclaiming your marriage and making sure that the two of you get back on track.