Hello, I'm new here. I wish I weren't here at all. I don't know how to start...I want to tell my whole story. I'm not sure how much is too much. My d-day was Aug 16, 2002. I recieved an anonymous call that my husband had been seeing someone at his place of employment. (The ever hoaky anonymous call) Could have been OW or someone she put up to it. My H said he had already ended it a month before. I've been to enough of these sights now to know that all of you know the feeling...physically ill...punched in the stumach ect...We have been married 23 years now...there was nothing wrong in this marraige that couldn't have been solved with a conversation. H says she was the agressor. She flirted and flattered. He told her he wasn't interested she kept at it. Finally he started to listen to her and not his heart. He was 47 years old,feeling his mortality, he was stressed out at work, he said he began to lie to himself to justify having this affair. She kept telling him it was "just sex" something "extra" that it would never affect what he had at home. She also bragged about her sexuality. He got curious. His place of employment required that he stay overnight one night a week. He works at a resort type place in a neighboring state.So his employer
provided the place and she provided the opportunity. They were together 5 times physically...the guilt escalating each time.He said he felt like a man on ice who couldn't get his footing.The fourth time he could not find release with her. He cried, collapsed and told her he couldn't stop thinking about his wife,that he couldn't stop seeing my face.(Hurray for my team) She tried to brush that off...but he would not continue. He did however go back for good bye sex the next week.(the a##hole) By this time it was obvious that OW had a hidden agenda. It of course, was not just about sex for her. He told her that he couldn't do this. It was eating him up. She asked him if there was someone else, as in another affair partner! Is this all this woman knows? He told her he had never done this before and he would never do this again!Once he got his footing he was adamant.She told him he'd change his mind. She called a few more times to try to convince him to continue.Finally in response to her pleas of "I'll do anything" He told her if she would do anything to leave him the f### alone and hung up on her. He maintains that he never said he didn't love me or that what we had at home wasn't good. She would ask him during these weeks "Did you get together?"(meaning sexually with me)"Was it good?" She didn't like his responses which were "yes" and "It's always good." She said it hurt her.He held her to the agenda she had set forth.She seemed to think that once he had sex with her he wouldn't want me. This woman baffles me. She must have no self esteem. My husband says she was better at talking about it then doing it. I have all the details. I know everything that was said and done.It was important for me to know and it helped me to get a more accurate understanding of the relationship.When I first heard of it I had a completely different set of images from the reality. My husbands immaturity saddens me. He is completely mortified by what he's done. He feels stupid. He feels like everything good he has done in his life has been diminished by this pathetic affair. He does not blame me at all. He is willing to do anything to keep our marraige together. He is afraid that I will not be able to live with it. I am living with it. We have been talking and touching through it all. I love him, I don't see how it would ease the pain I am feeling because of his infidelity to no longer have him in my life. I just don't see how I can dissolve a relationship that we have invested half our lives in. He did not love her although the word was used within the affair. He did not leave me or have any intent of leaving me. She was not younger then me or thinner or prettier. My husband was able to email me an ID photo of her. Nobody looks great in an ID photo but none the less...Yuck. We are healing...From what I've read, this affair was not as bad as some.It was brief(3-4 monthes starting with her phone calls)I kept my wits about me enough that I didn't tell anyone, our older children may suspect.(We have 3 kids-daughter 15, two sons 12 and 7) I told my two sisters, so I would have some support. I don't mean to minimize it, I just realize it could have been worse. We have renewed appreciation for each other and what we could have lost to a predator like this OW. I hold my husband accountable for his part in it.She didn't hold a gun to his head. I have alot of angry feelings but mostly I'm hurt and confused.He knew it was wrong and he did it anyway. He knew it had the potential to hurt me and he did it anyway.Those are such hard facts to live with. So this is my story or most of it. I do need a place to come and vent. I am still focusing too much on OW - I want her to know that he loves me...I guess she does. Does it really matter? Of course not. Oh she no longer works there-talk about karma-her job was eliminated. I don't rejoice in this. She has children to raise and I don't wish ill on anyone. I was just the faceless wife who got in her way. She is supposedly seperated from husband 2 years-who knows she lied about alot of things.Her biggest lie of all "Nobody will get hurt!" We all got hurt. That's all for now cause my six year old needs me...Thanks for being here.
sad-daze
