i'm so sorry that you feel as if you are being attacked. the people here really are the most caring people i have ever met. they are here all hours of the day and night. they have saved many of us. the bitterness you feel being directed towards you is our own pain. pain of knowing what your husband feels and your pain also.

you seem like a very smart woman. my husband being in the same industry, i understand what it takes to get to the top, let alone at your age and being a woman. congratulations to you. your husband should have been more supportive and should have made you feel like the most important thing in this universe. he didn't, i'm sorry for that. my husband did the same to me. i have been shut out for years. everything came before me and our kids. we weren't even second on the list, somewhere in the middle. i have had career accomplishments and no-one to share them with, i know how you feel.

what i'm trying to say is you made a choice in reaction to how you were being treated. it probably wasn't the best choice, but it is one that you and your loved ones now have to live with. i asked both of you at one time if you wanted to be right or married?? i hope you will read surviving an affair and see that what you are going through is common. your feelings are valid, because thats how you feel. if you want to work on your marriage, then work on your marriage. do it wholeheartedly and with all your convictions. if after you do that, it doesn't work, then you at least did your best. you and your husband have alot of learning and growing to do. its not easy. please, for your own sake, try.

i will not bash you and if you want to talk i'm here. good luck to you.

TY Nikko.

I bought the book lastnight and read a few parts to my wife while in bed but I think sleep overcame her and she missed most of it. Im hoping she reads/understands it but then again if someone thinks their right then nothing anyone can say or do will change their minds.

I only want the very best for my wife, I want her to be happy above anything else. If this happiness involves leaving me for the OM then so be it but as long as she feels she is happy ill live with her decision.

I think in some respect she is staying with me for fear of loosing me as a friend because ive told her already I would not remain friends with her if we seperate because the daily pain of talking/seeing her would kill me. If we seperate then its for good. So I think she might be "trying" to fix the marriage with me just to save our friendship which I hope she isnt doing.

Im hoping she still post here because Ive read more here about her feelings then she has told me and I think you guys are helping her, I know im getting a ton of help here.

Luthor

dear luthor-i'm glad to hear we are helping you. i think the other thread got out of hand and a few of us were trying to force our opinions and beliefs on your wife and she felt attacked. sometimes even us oldies forget we cant lift the fog or change other people. (sorry guys but that is what we were doing-nothing we say is gonna change her) Hopefully you both understand that everything was said out of a caring we all have for each other-we didnt mean to hurt your wife.

i hope she reads my post to her-i feel i have been in both of your shoes to an extent. i've never been a ws but i know the lonliness she feels. i also know the rejection.

that said luthor, get yourself strong, figure out a way to let your anger out without taking it out on her, get help and, or medication, keep posting and learning how to become the best you/husband you can be and give this all time. Oh yeah-please get off this post so your wife has someone to talk to without you jumping in. it may help her to know you are not on this one. i like you, but she needs to go through some things too, having you jumping on her in posts is gonna make her run. I'll check on you on the other posts.

I think shes done posting here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> She has her mind set(on what I dont even know yet) and once set everyone in the world could not talk her into something else. As for the Anger......thats past. I now am waiting, waiting for her to commit to fixing this marriage with me or commit to leaving the marriage. Untill that happens I will wait.......but not forever. Mixed signals I can not tolerate and should not have too put up with.

Luthor

luthor- i am sorry to hear that. i will be around if either of you wants to talk.