I posted on 11/22/02 no response . To understand everything this will be long . MY husband started shuting down on me back in 5/2000 I knew something was wrong and begged him to tell me but no luck . He worked about an hour to 2 later then normal and either shut cell off or was abrupt. I knew it was someone else I felt it , I ask every way I could he denied it and said if I acuse him it would push him out the door . Then he would take the kids out on saturdays or sunday by himself telling me to use it as me time(never took our kids out before) Once in awhile my kids would tell me they played at apark with alittle girl and dad sat and spoke to her mom . After a couple ofmonths they always mentioned the little girl and said hername (jay) The moms name they did not rember (the movies , beach ,zoo park etc..)I questioned and still denied . He didn't sleep with me for about alittle over a year and wounld't let me in our bedroom to sleep in same bed . At night i would here talking in the room he was on cell 2,3,4 am he denied it when asked NO copy of phone record (company phone) Through out all I ask , begged for truth I always told him his happiness means more to me so I would let him go if he just told me the truth or forgive him if he wanted to stay . JUST TELL ME he still denied telling me I was to fat now and he couldn't look at me or lay next to me (got fat with pregnancy)Finally I snapped and told him either he sleep with me and start working on this marriage or get out he left right then and there . Having no money he told me he was sleeping in his office.He gave me his hole check and picked up kids everyweek end never over night 3 days after work (he left 6/11/01) STILL wouldn't admit ow I started digging and found parking ticket locations and a charge account open around same time (2000) finnally I got off my butt in (9/20001) and drove to where he worked at night and court him ow in car let him know I saw him . Still denied told me was another mans girlfreind and they where talking confronted him about charge card and said its not what I think another cell phone my kids would see him on not what I think he can't explain it right now will soon In October I found a phone number on a parking ticet i traced it was ow I finally called she was not very nice and told me get over it it is over for u and him . I called him next day to tell him I spoke to her he denied that he even knew what I was talking about . He loves me but can't be with me stop digging and I talk when I can is what he said. One day I hate u next I love u I am coming home I am not . I had enough and called OW again and he was there I told her give him the phone because he say U don't exsist she went crazy screaming at him he wouldn't talk when I was on phone with her she did not understand if he says nothing then he would denie th next day he was there we spoke for a long time she said he told her I new of her but they had to sneak around because I was ***** and would make D messy I explained that all I ever wanted was THE TRUTH and I would walk away I always let him come and go and buy anything the made him happy He told her every thing oppisite . She said she wanted no part of him now I told her don't be to quik to throw it away he probly loved her to go through all this . Next day he denied ever beging there or noing what I was talking about brother called him he denied and said he don't know why any women would say those things . Finally she made him call in front of her to tell me what I wanted to here He said I love OW and want D I don't love u and thats it I said ok he said he don't care to explain anything to me he don't want to talk about it thats final . We hung up and I took a breath told his mom all she was sleeping at my house and has been with me through all watching him and what he was doing to me she helped me track everything down .Does not have contact with him for what he did . Everything seemed clear and I started taking baby steps ( always knowing I will love him forever but as long as he was happy) Them 11/2002 I made him aware that being he was divorcing me I intended on moving on start dating he freaked out andsaid we needed to talk . Came over and said the situation wasn't what I thought they were freinds she has bad life and needs a home was on street he wanted to get her an apartment and leave her to come home he never stopped loveing me and always new he would come back but his lies to her kept snowballing . He was suppose to come home 1/2002 he showed up crying like I have never seen before in front of his kids and wouldn't stop saying please let him back he will fix this make it up to me he felt guilty and can't stand the pain he caused me . I said fine come home BUT the only thing is NEVER SEE HER AGAIN he said ok but she probbbly will bother him for awhile and call and harss him he said that he wouldn't tell her he is comeing home because her life is so bad if she finds out she was set up in apartment and left for w she would go off deep end . He would tell her in time if there paths should cross but he woudn't see her . I also said I have changed and relized that there are thing I needed to work on in my personality and what I wanted out of a marrige and one was LOVE eat sleep and breath someone who adores me and wants me as a women Like he use to ( Ialso lost 45 pounds 5 pounds from what I was when we got together )He came home 2/11/2002 now 11 months and I am in a different Hell OW don't know hes home If I tell her he says he will D me . She calls all the time we can't be around family and freind cause no one knows she is still in picture he says it is our buisness and not to talk to anyone about my thoughts except him . in begining when first home he told every word she said and now it got bad .for the past 5 months he shuts down tells me she don't know hes home and she needs him because he promised her to be therein her messed up life so he owes her IF he ain't with anyone why can't he see her when she says so . THAT IS HER PIONT , mean while he tells me inorder for her not to catch him in a lie being home he hsa to see her 2 or 3x's a week after work and at her apartment until 1,2, 3am and has stayed over 2 times in the time he has been home .All the time telling me he is not SLEEPING with her .She just keeps him there to harass him for leaving her .I try to communicate and tell him I want to support him but it sound like a lie to me . We don't sleep together as much as I want and never make love on ay nihgt he is with her says hes to tired . A man who was ready willing and able 7 days a week 2times a day down to 1 or 2 times a week with me .I told him to leave if he don't love me staying because of kids is more harm full and I don't deserve it . Hesays he is never leaving again . If he is not with her he is home on pc playing games and tells me sit with me and talk but not about OW or A and by the way now he says he didn't have an affar he wasn't home when he slept with her and will now not confeses again the he was seeing her when he was home by the way her daughter happened to have the same name as the girl my kids always saw whenever they were out . I don't want to call this OW (SLUT) because I don't want him to have an accuse to say if u call I leave (I THINK SHE KNOWS HE IS HOME AND IS IN ON THE HOLE THING) I want him to give me the same as I alwasys wanted THE TRUTH and just walk if he wants . HELP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> [LIST]

Dear 3:
I don't know if I have much good advice for you but thought you deserved at least a hug so here is one
(((((((((((3isacrowd))))))))))))

Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair"? It is available for purchase on this website in the bookstore area. Order it, buy it and read it.

I know that MB thinks you should shout it from the rooftops about the affair. The more that know the better. They think it cannot live when exposed to the light of day. That's a personal issue. My WH and I are trying to work on our M and I feel he is being honest with me so we don't want anyone to know. However, it is obvious from what you said your H is not honest. Maybe a little exposure would be a good thing.

I hope others will join in with some good opinions.
DB

3isacrowd,

Welcome, I am new here too. There are lots of great and understanding people on this board.

Before totally jumping in to things, spend time reading the material on the website. I spent a good 8-9 hours going over everything. I could really relate to almost everything Dr. Harley says. I recommend his books, "His Needs, Her Needs", "Love Busters", and "Surviving and Affair".

Lurk a little on the forum and read the topics that relate to you. Look at peoples signature lines. You are not alone.

Here are some links to get you started(just click on them):

Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes

General Welcome for All New Builders

WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses

And for your situation try these(But, remember, everyone is is slightly different predicament. What worked for them may not work for you):

On revealing the affair to the light of day

On contacting the OP

That should be plenty to get you started. I recommend reading everything on the webite first. Keep strong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks I am reading and trying really hard I thought I was threw most anger because it took too long to get most out in open but I am going all over again I post again and really need some feed back H sees her so much I just think he is so in love with her but so scared of that giving up all the things he has and every thing we built and I tell him that . And I am ok with him leaving only giving me the truth cause that is what means the most to me truth and his happiness . I don't want a man ot of pity or because of the kids . Love is the only reson someone should be together . I am standing ground cause I always make every thing easy for him and hlp him out of all hard corners but he needs to make this one on his own and I support him all the time but where is mine I let him see her I sit home and take it and he comes home feeling sorry for her and hello what about me THE wife the one HE really betrayed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> H sees her so much </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is a cake eater. He needs a reality check. Have you read up on Plan A and Plan B? How much do you have left in the love tank?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't want a man ot of pity or because of the kids </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is good!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I sit home and take it and he comes home feeling sorry for her </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is something you do not have to take. Draw the line in the sand and establish your boundaries. Tell him w/o LBing that it hurts you when he does that.

Keep reading and keep posting.

All I do is tell him it hurts he says it does but what can he do he can't stop her and he won't hurt any more . I communicate all the time talk when ever he needs it don't when he don't . I asked him to leave again and he says no this will go away when it does then he can give more attention to us now he sometimes says he should have stayed with her longer until she ended it but he was afraid that he would loose every thing he had here . I can't leave NO MONEY NO PARENTS KIDS barely made it throuhgt my first overload there just happy dads home and I won't move then around . I told him me or OW enouhg is enough but he just goes anyway and says we will talk later says don't like to talk all the time it is stpuid and he is home and I should understand the situation he is going through.That it is hard on him that OW is bothering him and always trying to catch him in a lie .I have to walk around happy all the time for kids and never argue in front of them and friends no nothing family thinks we are working on this and I did to then he shut down again . and I assume cake eater is wanting it all

I'd help OW catch him in a lie...if she doesn't know. Sorry, but this is not a healthy situation for you, him, your children, or this OW and her family. And I agree with you...she already knows. For some reason, he's got both of you convinced with putting up sharing him. I'd lay odds that he's told her he has to stay for the kids and that there is nothing between the two of you...which of course is BS (not betrayed spouse this time)! Contact her! (One of the few times I've ever advised that.)

They (H and OW) may be perfectly happy for him to continue staying married to you while the affair is on-going. While you are not happy at all. She gets help from him, attention and affection. You get left with taking care of your (and his) family while he's out "playing" and eating his cake. He needs to go on a diet. jmho

Thank U thank U for answering I am so on the edge . I want so much to contact her again but I wanted him to come t me and end it not do his dirty work for him I also feel deep down she already know hes home and she isn't going to belive a word I say cause he covered his tracks and told her that I know about there A witch I do so he uses that to his advantage ( get it) I call say everything and she already knows it so he leaves and their together I still have gotten no truth from him and he gets every thing he wants and gets away with the hole thing . with ot ever having to jutify himself I don't even want to know why A I just want the confession I Love her not U and good-bye I want him to say it not torment me with it and I have always exspressed that to him I have not seen him bend over like this for anyone since we met He always was the I don't give a crap about any one type . He only let me in to his emotions and always thanked me for that ,that he could share any feelings of fear or sadness now this women has taken that place . Yes we went through hard times and always had an exslosive marriage but always knew we loved one another and this just blows me away when he came home I had already saw my faults and whent on my way to change ten and work on them got to say not that many and he noticed the changes and was happy with that and still says U changed or corrected those things for me and I am glad well he to had some changes to make and was doing so and some where down the line while he was home the contact with her started more and then wow like a brick wall fell on me again he started acting so "what ever" this is just what we have to go through type of attitude . I mean H says ow thinks he left because kids did not want him to be with her and he said it waon't work and that he don't love her(THAT PART BS HE SAID I LOVE U BUT)then told her lives at brothers house in basement to fix it (was contractor) Mean while lives home every time she calls he grabs my kids so she can here them in back round and tells her he is just out with them on visitation but the thing u said about her knowing is what I am more gettng convinced of He probbly dd say I am home for kids and every time she calls she belives him cause she don't here me or kids don't mention any thing about me when there on phone . So u see if I call her and say he is home she will know that and if I say about the kids she will say she knows and if I get more intamate and say we do sleep together she will think I am the scorned wife lieing to her to keep him and try to cause probblems for them witch he probbly told her I would do . He already told me from the begining tat he told evey lie in the book about me made me out to be a monster who is unstable . that is why he won't tell her he is home cause she would say he set her up for a fall if I am so bad why would he come home this is where his story comes in about her needing to make sure he isn't home and thats why he tells me he sees her and one more thing says she is threating him to go to his job and cause him problems about stuff she knows so if I get her mad he says I would be heoping to destroy every thing he worked for . He did hang up on her in the beging and called and told me she said hang up and come over there and then I called him back an hour later and she walked in his office and answered the phone I hung up when H called back he said see she is nuts and if I ignore her she come in my face to get my attention . so I started to belive him and we where handling it together but up to 6 mons. ago some ting just changed I don't know weath he started then sleeping with her and now guilt started all over . sex was happening when he came home not all the time but getting there now its like a chore and he tells me that that part of a relationship is not important I mean I lost all the wieght he wanted me to 45 lbs and am now as thin as I was then (when we married ) now I am hereing I can still loose more and should work out and get boob job . then tells me forget it cause who knows if I do all that if he'll want more sex anyway . This is a man who always was touchy felly and this was one of those things I needed to work was making love to him more often well after not sleeping together for almost 2 yrs while this was going on and now wiehgt loose I want all the time and if I kiss him he kiss once and says your not looking for something cause I am not in mood . only time we are intamate in on weekends and thats the only time I really know he don't see her . sorry I am rambling but I need some one to talk to I talked to freinds and family the first time and when he came home he told me not to tell anyone our personal stuff just that hes home and A ended and thats what I did they only told me get rid of him didn;t understand that I wanted to work on marriage and figured 10 yrs 2 kids and a lfe time was worth the fight if not the fight at least the truth from him to end it right

3isacrowd - First, a kindly suggestion that was given to me when I first began posting here. It is very difficult and confusing to try to read one huge message. Try breaking it up into paragraphs. It will be easier for others to follow your thoughts and to be able to respond to you.

Next, you say it would be "okay" with you if he left, just so long as he told you the truth. I don't believe this. It's not okay to bust up a marriage over infidelity. You are hurting, like all of us are and/or have been. Yes, if he is adamant about being with the OW (Other Woman) there is nothing that you can do about it.

Here is a suggestion. Prepare yourself for at least a separation, if not a divorce. I know you want him to be honest and you want him to recommit to your marriage. But, he is in what is called the "fog" and is making excuses to try to have you both (cakewalking). As your system name indicates, 3 IS a crowd and totally unacceptable in a marriage. So, since he is not going to do what is "right", you will have to be the strong one and force him into a decision. That is, unless you are willing to have the OW in your life for the rest of time.

It's time, once you have prepared the support of family and resources and courage, to tell him to make a decision. He cannot have you both. The decision is up to him, but he either has to give up the OW totally and forever, or he has to leave the house. Since he claims to still want you, you may want to give him a "little time" to decide, but I'd make it a short time...no more than 1 week. Protect your assets by removing cash from your joint accounts BEFORE you have the talk.

I'm sorry that this sounds so harsh, but you must protect yourself and the children if he chooses to leave. Also, once he sees that you will no longer allow yourself to be "tablescraps", he may force himself to end his affair with the OW. It is NOT that he cannot do it. It is that he chooses not to because he sees that he can have you both.

Should you choose to have this talk with him, you will have to strong and not waiver. You cannot give an ultimatum and then go back on it, no matter how tough it is emotionally for you at the moment. BEFORE having the talk, read all you can on this site. Read the book "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carder. Read Harley's book "Surviving An Affair". Do this reading to understand what is going on and to prepare yourself for both the ultimatum and to rebuild your marriage should he decide to stay.

I know others will tell you to "gut it out" and that most affairs die off on their own. But from what you have written it doesn't sound like your husband's affair will die out on it's own. He has it both ways now and the OW seems to be accomodating.

Also, unless you simply must contact the OW, do NOT contact her. It is your husband's problem and HE must deal with her, not you. You be there to help him through withdrawal and to rebuild your marriage if he chooses to end his affair.

Good luck!

HI Forever-
I know posts are long and confusing we already did separation back in june when I gave him the me or her and he walked saying was no her then it came out he got court. He did the "so called fog lifed" came home crying sorry and all the affection. Then was still crying just saying she will go away. GUESS NOT .I am not saying it isa ok for infedelity to take a marriage but maybe these OW got a piont their is something I will always be lacking the body , brains , I don't know . I loved him faithfullywith my hole heart and soul I would be devistated if he wasn't happy .I am a giver not at any time taker except it was his love theat I except.But I am a freak when it comes to honesty The trueth in my opion can NEVER hurt cause that pain goes away in time lies say forever.Thanks for talking I can use it and I told him OW gone or get out he won't leave say tough I want to stay I am starting to think LORRAIA BOBIT had it right LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But I am a freak when it comes to honesty </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no such thing as an "honesty freak". You are right to expect it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but maybe these OW got a piont their is something I will always be lacking the body , brains , I don't know . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't even go there. It is the OP who is lacking, not you.

It sounds like another seperation is in order. But this time you must have the conditions well established for his returning.

What do you think about another separation? Any thoughts on the emotional or financial aspect?

Hang in there!!

Well to respond to both of U yes I did do the ultimatetime thing very respectfilly and firmly 1 week ago and he said it just wasn't going to happen OW will go away when she had enough and as far as leaving he is not going to give up his life . we had 2 talks one sat. morning witch although not every thing I want to here Iwas listening and understanding.

It started out with me needing to be touched sex not often witch I explaied previously (BY HIS CHOOSE)Got into the whole if it wasn't important then why did ya sleep with someone else? not yelling . Ok started to ask then why are U home if your not willing to communicate and work on any other problem that we may have other then OW He said all this conversation crap is over rated(I KNOW WHAT A CHARTICTOR) It is simple I am home for everything (IN ORDER GIVENTO ME)
1 kids
2 D not financial good for either one of us or kids
3house
4 family (RELITIVES )
5 friends
STARTING TO GET PICTURE YET)
6 what people think of him and what he did
7 and for our future
8 AND ARE U READY BECAUSE I LOVE U ( wow did it take long enough)

well talked some more and then had sex (out of pity)and only satisfited own needs if u know what I mean .

AS far as nexted night OW until 2am came home crying saying when will she go away and I know this hurts u and I have nothing left to give her why won't she leave me alone . I conforted him as if I belive him withch hello no . I tryed to explain if he is telling me the truth and he broke it off with her but she is just unwilling to except it he is harming her more bying seeing her cause it in turngives her some hope . She is thinking that he is there for me when ever I say and not with anyone maybe he is just scared to D his wife and move on cause of kids . He says no it is worse if he ignores her cause then she will be more crazy .

NOW next thing u ask about my emotional stay out of control cry constintly well at least run around to hide it from everyone, I lost wieght when he was out cause she was skinny and thats what he wanted me to do so started the vomitting thing and now have a hard time eating but still not thin enough ( not even for me) no sleep about 2hrs a night and 15 pots of coffee withch I was told to stop cause I get panic attacks and well bathroom alot. And before u ask I will not go on anti-d's . FINACIALY U ask well we where about 70th. in dept so when he came home he wanted to put money in order so refinanced house no money at all to speak of no saving or 4o1k nothing we are barely getting by as it is . And already thought about leaving him but my kids can't handle the change and there in school and I have no where to go anyway Children hard to trust anyone with as far as day care one reason never went back to work THEY BOTH HAVE LIFE THREATENIG FOOD ALLERGIES so all food and drinks need to be monitered .I know sounds like alot of excuses that I won't pick up and leave but there not there just the facts and I have ran then down so many times .

I try to show him I am his friend to and I am starting to realize for a long time HE is in love with her . But he was always scared of making decicions everyone always make them for him this way if wrong he always was able to put blame on someone else . That is why I have stood ground on not calling OW this time cause hes says if I do then he will walk away for BETRAYING him see another excuse and someone to blame . Hes in love with her and feels guilty and scared of "
D"I ask if he wanted a marriage convence him and OW 3or 3 nights and I will find my own thing 2nights and still spend rest of time friends and family for kids just to see what he would say .
He said no way I never want another man in my kids
life and that is another reason he didn't want to leave.

3isacrowd,

I read your post but don't have time to respond just yet. Just wanted to let you that we are thinking about you.

One question though...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And before u ask I will not go on anti-d's . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk about that. I don't understand.

I'll post back later.

3isacrowd,

You kinda sound a lot like me, during one of the many Affairs my husband had.

You need to put your foot down girlfriend!!! He's playing the both of you! and by the looks of it he's playing u good!

I've read your post but I can't post much right now but hang in there and be strong!

Just me

OK, I said that I would post later so here goes.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> AS far as nexted night OW until 2am came home crying saying when will she go away and I know this hurts u and I have nothing left to give her why won't she leave me alone </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry you have to go through this. By the way you have described it, he is trying to place the blame on anyone but himself and he is addicted to the A. Do put any of this on to yourself, it is not your fault. Remember that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And before u ask I will not go on anti-d's . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is nothing wrong with anti depressant drugs. Heck, I am on prozac and it has definitely smoothed out the rollercoaster. I would reconsider this.

It sounds like you are doing a Plan A, but in your emotional state, I'm not sure about this. There are many here wiser than I that can help you with that.

I will post a link to this thread in General Questions II. I hope that will generate more responses. Take care, be strong and keep us updated.

hey 3--don't know if anybody caught this in your last post and i don't know how to do a quote but you said you were doing "the vomiting thing". DO NOT PUT YOUR HEALTH AT RISK BECAUSE OF YOUR SITUATION!! you have 2 children that you already said you need to be there for--how can you be there for them if you wind up in the hospital (or worse) bc of trying to lose weight to please your H? Sorry if i sound harsh but i know that is an easy habit to get into and i know it can have many terrible effects on your health.
i totally understand your reasons for not leaving. but don't let his selfish disrespectful actions make you think you are less of a person. IMO right now you should concentrate on taking care of yourself and your kids. period.

I can't say it enough TANK U ALL for words of support or for even listenig .

LUKI-
The anti-d thing their are alot of reasons some mite be excuses but no I won't . U see I have kids and if his temper ever gets crazy and he really is trying to scam me to leave then he mite attempt to use it againt me for there costedy. Stating I am not stable and I am he is trying to drive me nuts . I know mite not make sense but it does to me .

I think plan A that I am in U say U don't no cause my staate of mind.

Well sorry lost train of thought H called and I am so angry . HE was with OW again last night and when came home not want to talk cause it was late and has work next day . Can't talk at work cause not the place . Says talk when he gets home been saying that since TUESDAY and avoids it like the plague . will even stick his finguers in his ears and put pillow over head and go to sleep while I am speaking . If I start when he is on phne at work he will just say got to go and hang up .

I THINK I AM FIHGTING LOOSING BATTLE WITH NO WHERE TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sorry wasn't finished .
I SURRENDER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Can't take it any more if I try to talk he just pushs my buttens witch after 18 yrs. knows how to do and I LB all over the place . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> That is it I am just letting them have eachother and go about my every day life and not even talk to him I know that will go on until he gets feed up and moves out . Or until I give into calling this WHITE TRASH LOW LIFE DIRTY SLUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Then he can blame me and go on without having to except blame for what HE DID SAME OLD make me make his desion for him so he can blame some one else .

I use to think I lved him enough to go through any thing I realize this is no FOG <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> HE LOVES someone other them him self for a change she can obviously forfill his EN I can't any more maybe thats the point sanding by him helping him become succesful and aiways being there wasn't enough WELL I applaud her BROVO the chalk one up to the OW . AND SCORE one for the LIERS of the world I guess U really can get what you want in life be stepping on people lieing , minipulateing , useing poeple !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello america maybe we can raise the next genaration on those morals maybe thats what we been missing we forgot to teach our children the biggest leson of all . ITS NOT HONESTYit is

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So do every thing U can to get what u want to hell with hurting anyone in the prosess .

BY the way I forgot not who LUKI OR LOST-

But I read about one of your firt post about going to the church where U where married and I was crying I to visted there a while ago to get help ,stong, and look for a sign .

I think I missed the boatGOD helps thoughs who help themselves AND to hell with u if U need him to hell with u cuase he don't have the time .

I am sick of him to YES "GOD" CATHLIC school all my life prying liveing the life as a critain ( good one ) for what the better u are the worse that comes your way .

I mean I am not perfect but any one who knows me says I had done nothing but support, stand by , love and respect this man from friends to family includin HIS own MOTHER - whitch when this whole thing started the first time has been there for my every move by phone or driving 125mls. to sit with me she still is sick over what he has done and now doesn't even know the rest.

got to go .
I do wish all of U the best in your lives and with your recovery and hope that u all live full and genuinly Happy lives. Filled with love cause that is what I always use to think is the only thing that life was about Have love in your life and U could get through any thing .
I know I will go to my grave loving THIS piece of s*** . But thats because I married someone so different then what he has become or maybe before he fell in love with her .

I am not a perfect christain cause all I want for her is Death in the most horrible way .Her 1st husbands only mistake was when he use to baet her he didn't kill her . SORRY FOR ALL THIS

to 3isacrowd! your H is doing it because he can. He feels sorry for OW? BS and I don't mean betrayed spouse either. Tell him she is an adult and can take care of herself. She made the choice to enter this adultereous A and she can handle being alone now or get her own counseling.
I have advice to many here about your situations of not being able to support yourselves. I allowed my H to talk me into giving up my career years ago so I am now dependent on him and we are 60 and 62. Get back into school! NOW! Night college, day college, whatever. The colleges haev daycare facilities also for children to be watched while you're in classes.
This is the bigget favor you will ever do for yourselves. Because you gain independence from these cheaters knowing you depend on them for your food and roof over head!
Don't lose more weight either. If you are happy with where you are, you don't want to make yourself ill trying to please them. Boob job? that is surgical risk involved and not going to make a difference. Not worth the risk dear. Seems he's all demand and not giving. You can't be a giver all the time and be happy either. It's about loving yourself and someone also making a change to add happiness to your life as well!
I don't know what state you're in, but most have help for displaced wives and moms. Even giving you money for support, schooling, daycare help, etc. Don't allow this man to rule you this way. The changes you can make by education, job and independence might just make him take a second look at who you are and how much he'd be giving up. Dr.Phil has a book called "Self Matters". See if you can get that book and I think there is a work book that goes with it. Until the BS's start respecting themselves, and I am one!, the WS is not going to respect either. Your worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. And the schooling to prepare yourself for a good job will help your self esteem. Don't get caught not being able to move on due to being so dependent. You'll be doing your children a favor for life also. Good luck and give him ultimatums now! You sound like you're allowing him to make you a doormat. You're the on who deserves the consideration and compassion from him. LouLou

to 3! One of the others here gave you excellent advice. And I apologize for all my mistakes in writing/ spelling but I was so angry about your treatment I was typeing like gang busters. LOL Listen, I did not try to lose weight, and anti depressants put weight on me. I had a good figure to start with. Then depression caused me to lose 50 lbs. I was bone! Did he care? hell no! He called me a bag of bones then. It led to a heart attack in the year 2000 for me. You can't do this to yourself and survive with good health. Or maybe not even survive! I was fortunate that our grown son lives at home, because he found me early morning in den, and I had completely lost consciousness. If he'd not found me in time, I'd be dead. Also I happen to live in Ca. so I was taken first here and got good care, then transferred to Loma Linda. The bottom line is H isn't worth it. Nobody is! But your children are needing you and that's where your consideration comes first. Just do not try to become way thin by being bulemic or anorexic. You will only harm yourself. Please listen! If he leaves, let him. Then ask for help you need and get into schooling. God bless and I'll pray for you. LouLou