You did right by not agreeing to him taking kids to see her. He is off his rocker for even suggeting it, and i think you set very reasonable boundaries.

It's a shame he can't see OW as the conniving manipulative person she really is. 6 phone calls before 1? Sounds like her true colors may be beginning to show (can we say PSYCHO OBSESSED STALKER?).

Sorry if you said it before, but I wonder what reason he gives her for her not being able to call him at home? Seeing as she doesn't know y'all are not separated.

Personally (and this may be bad advice, it's JMO), I think I would give him an ultimatum. Not "stop seeing her or i'm out", but more like "start being honest with me, OW, and yourself or you will ruin any chance of recovery for our marriage".

I hate this fence sitting crap. How can somebody go for months "not knowing" what they want? What a waste of time.

I sure hope things start getting better for you. Take care.

Hey Lost-

Well to answer your questionhe says he lives at brothers abandon house and there is no phnone. so my question to him was why doesn't she call on cell phone being that she doesn't think your home ? she could call u morning noon night .

HIS answer is I don't know she just might think that I won't answer cause I am tired . But that don't make sense cause she says she don't care when he's tired. SEE

That is where I supect that she does know he is home and he tells her it is cause of kids .

But he was already out and living with her why didn't he just stay out ?

He doesn't or her want me to know that she knows he is home cause then she looks like more of a slut cause she knew. The last time she spoke to me is when he was out and she said he was separated so why wouldn't I hook up with him. The only thing she was mad about is that h told her I knew about her and I did not . GET IT

So h has lied so much I don't think he even knows truth.

Way to set that boundary! Don't let your kids near that wacko OW!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Personally (and this may be bad advice, it's JMO), I think I would give him an ultimatum. Not "stop seeing her or i'm out", but more like "start being honest with me, OW, and yourself or you will ruin any chance of recovery for our marriage". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that this is a good idea, as long as you convey it w/o LBing.

So where do we stand here?

1. H is lying to you, obviously.
2. H is lying to himself(FOG).
3. H is lying to OW about living at home still, correct?
4. OW only calls on H's cell phone.
5. H is venting to you about how, alledgedly, the OW is treating him and how he feels sorry for her.
6. You are standing your ground(Plan A-working on you), but that is wearing on you immensely.
7. H does not want you to contact OW. He is desperate about this, right?

That's just how I see things, IMHO. How is your state, emotionally? How are your children doing? Kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for.

I was against contacting the OW but(maybe I am being impatient here) but it may help in the long run. I agree with lostbuthopeful, this fence sitting sucks, I am in that situation right now.

I would give him a hint like she suggested and see where that goes. And then let's talk about bringing some daylight to the A. Thoughts, anyone?

This is getting meesy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To answer where we stand yes all correct .
To anawer questions 3and 7.

His lying to OW about living home , still correct? That is what H still tells me , but thats the one I am not sure about if he told her or just tells me she don't know.

H does not want u to contact OW despaate about that? YES says if I do he will go for D right away cause I betrade him.(HA HA HA ) OK seriosly.

Will give up date tonight very long FRIDAY he slept there again and he is still pushing for kids.

MY kids holding up well I give them alot of love.
Me well how do I put it , I am glad we don't have any guns in the house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

ANY DAY light he leaves that was stated and yes that isone thing I belive . He is just that type of BOY!

He is never to blame every one else made him do it .GET THE TYPE.

AND YES FENCE SITTING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I am a piece of crap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I sit here my kids are with H and OW.

Summary:1)Friday about 12pm she beeps.
2) H calls her from pay phone
3)Comes back and says she needs to see him and talk about kids for Saturday.
4) Sleeps there comes home 10am SAT morning
5) comes home talks wants to make love (ok I am human)
6)Agreed no kids
7)she calls kids say they don't want to go (they where in his carwhen she called) she heres them say it.

They all come back in house and now everything hits the fan . He goes to leave to take OW shopping and my kids go nuts throwing thing and blocking door saying they don't want dad to go out . He and I told them OW needs a favor for dad to drive her for she has no car. Well they didn't care . He tried to leave they followed him and wouldn't let him go . H came back in asking me what do I do ? ( can u belive the nuts) He tried telling them he will be back later no the yelled.

H started to cry . Kids wanted to go now if dad is going we are going . They where crying so much . H kept telling them no . Finally they said, t me please mommy we want to and u tlod us we can make our own mind up .

I couldn't help but sit and feel like I was in a bad movie. These are my kids and they wanted to be with another women . Not me .

Now I get it he wants to show them that this is what it would be like if me and him where not toghther , and a way for them to start being around her so when he leaves they will be use to it .

I am doing that analizing thing to much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any way I just looked up at them and said go if u want . They put there shoes on and wiprd there tears away and went . H was still crying looking at me saying this is so screwed up how did I get here .
I didn't even want to look at him. He went to hug me and when he put his ear near me I just said, "this is unforgivable" He looked at me and said, " this hole situation is unforgivable" What does he mean?

I am to call him to check on kids at 7:30 so he can get rid of her an excuse so he can come home .

So now ask again about my mental state?
My head has been in bowl for 1hr after they left. My babies are gone spending time with another women as if they where a family . All he said to his kids when they where leaving was, I sware this will never be an issue again . Told me I will tell her after I drop them off that she will never see my kids again .

Ok someone please beat me up . I am the worst mother in the world ,I am a fool to even want this marriage , and I am a loser .

Oh god is this what he really turned into what the hell happened to him to us .
I can't cope I am coming apart no I came apart and not once did I yell or cry infront of my kids
I mean I am human tears in my eyes. Will this ever get better ?
AND about that ultimatum Be honest with OW , me , and yourself well was there already . HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST THING with OW . thats what he says and as far as honesty with me he says he is 100% honest. (DID U TROW UP)

you are not a bad mother-h shouldn't have put you in this situation.

don't let him make you think things like that.

will post more when i'm not drinkin (hey it is saturday and i had a bad night)

You need to unload this [censored]..... and soon. I'm sorry, but I get sick to my stomach reading your posts. He is using and abusing you so terribly that it makes my head spin. GET RID OF HIM. He is only going to keep using you as long as you put up with it. People only treat you the way you LET THEM! I would tell him, enough is enough. I'm sorry and I'm all for marriage building. But this is disgusting. He is making a mockery out of your marriage and now he's including your kids. STOP IT, DON'T LET IT GO ON ANY LONGER. Tell him, its ME or HER... PERIOD! He doesn't want to hurt her or make her upset, but WHAT THE HE## about YOU! Don't you count? YOU'RE THE WIFE, NOT HER. You're feelings should come first and if she doesn't like it tuff shI#! You sound like such a sweet person, and a loving mom, don't let him abuse you any more. You deserve better and I know you can get better.

Dear 3,

You are not a loser and are not the worst mother in the world, I am going through a similar situation except the OW was my friend and my husband is now living with her, I do not want my
children near her, and they know her, but the other day I gave in and allowed it because I am so sick of arguing about it with H, he too is in
a fog, and I too am fence sitting and it Sucks big time, we have been married for 6 years and
been together for 12. I also feel like my life
is falling apart, but you need to be strong for yourself and for your kids. That's what I am trying.

I see alot of myself in the things that you are
writing, and it makes me realize that while we
are not perfect, it is not our fault, we do not
make them cheat, they need to take some responsiblity.

One of my dear friends recently told me to
be patient because it takes 30 years for a tree
to grow strong and hold its roots, but only takes
10 minutes to cut it down.

If you feel he is worth it then in some small way
he must be, I know easier said then done, but
just be patient. That's what I'm trying to do.

Trynhrd-
Thanks for your opion I guess I don't have much of a response .
except to say I told him all of the above and at one piont even packed him up and he unpacks and says no he is staying we will get past this.

So how do u force someone to choose? How do u make someone see and here what your saying?
Isn't it true that he has to make his own desion?

I have not begged or even made it hard for him to leave. I have supported him if he wanted to go .
I don't know why he is still around or why he came back if he had intentions of leaving again , because in reality he only caused more damage and put every one in a worse place me, kids and OW.

VANILLA-
Thank u for support and the kid thing well if and when my H was gone or goes I would let the kids around her and support it cause well that is his right to continue on with his life .
But not if they are saying that they want to be with u now or in future cause the doesn't make sense to the kids and y introduce OW.

And thank your friend for me it does take along time to build a relationship and only minutes to let it go .(THE TREE THING) I guess that is what this is all about .
Also it is true I do see even alittle there about him being worth it but I to am pondering a statement for a friend from along time ago:

Is this something the person did or is this who they are?

And I have been stumped on that one ,because it cuts a hole in u , u married someone did u not know who they where , is this who they are , or is it someone they have become or is it just a mistake they made?

If it is who they where then am I so stupid that for 18yrs I didn't see it?

If it is a mistake then how do u walk away , we are all human?

Well if it is what they become then shouldn't they know it and move on ,on their own cause its who they are now?

Well as u can see I think to much maybe thats the problem.

3,

Hang in there!! You are in a bad situation, but you are NOT a bad person.

I have to go back to this daylight thing. I can't help but feel that H is full of it when he threatens a D. It seems to me he has everything to lose. But this is a tough one and very situation dependant. I have read posts where contacting the OP has been good and some where it has been bad. If things keep going like they are you will not care either way.

Anyway, keep posting and reading. Take care.

Luki-
Thanks for the post, I know your going through alot I have been following yours, so again thanks for taking the time.

I have that feeling things are going to come down to shedding day light if I make it past Christmas
and maybe that is what I am scared of HE will follow through with his promise and D me right away.
He is the type of person that acts and is defensive he will live with it on princeipal.

Also just would have to face that fact he loves her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3,

I don't think he could D you right away even if he wanted to. It depends on the State law. Even if he filed you could contest and drag things out. One things for sure;I would not lift a finger to help him with it if it comes down to that. Somebody else can probably give you more insight into that than me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is the type of person that acts and is defensive he will live with it on princeipal. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he had principles, he would not do this to you and your family. So, don't believe a word he says about you, your M, a D, OW etc... Keep working on you because that's who can trust.

Well LB on Monday night big time . I just couldn't take it .He ignores the fact of what he did to me all week end, and refuses to address the issue about Friday ( her com. christmas party) He told her he would go without talking to me about it.

It is my sons B-day and we are going to dinner , at 6pm . He says well no big deal I am going there at 9or 10pm . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Again he says well she asked and said , I know it is your sons B-day but u don't live home so after u see him ,u can come out with me .

OW 's logic again If u don't live at home u have no one to answer to ,come with me as a friend so the people around me don't think u left me for your wife cause that is what everyone said , u would do .

Again H thinks no big deal . H says he goes along with it so she don't see the lies he told her.

Once again I DON"T CARE U ARE HOME and U know that and I know that and that is all that should count .

I wish it was like other ones that I read where H would say I am confused and have feelings for ow ,no H will sware he only pitty 's her . HE IS NOT IN LOVE , doesn't want her and is not sleeping with her.

Any way I went nuts told him get out I can't stand the sight of your lying cheating face , your a pig , a monster , disrespectful abusive animal.
H said , please don't be that way I am not leaving and am just trying to get rid of ow the only way that I think I can . I know your hurt but u shouldn't be I am telling u the truth and your doing this to yourself.

While I was screaming and crying H laid there and fell asleep I mean snoring .

He woke up this morning I said , don't forget to take some cloths with u on your way to work , u can get the rest when I am not home." He went to kiss me bye and said ,"Don't be that way I love u call u later" . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I went on with my day and he called to ask if I felt ok , ( I have been dizy alot and light headed) I said, not your problem I don't want to talk to u .(hung up ) H called back 15 min later I LOve u I will call u later.

called back at 4:15 pm , Well u know why I am calling got to go see her tonght leaving in alittle while . Don't worry I love u ( what is he nuts)
Just a I started saying I can't belive u it is 4:15 and your leaving early for her I stoped dead in my tracks ,he said I will call u again before I leave I said, don't bother go and take care of your girlfriend I don't want to talk to u at all .

It is 10:35pm I am sure this nut case will caome home .(12or1am) and act like nothing .

I can't her is crazy . OR maybe I am . I am in a really bad movie.
I have to prepare for 3 dinner partys SAT. Sun. and I am hosting Christmas Eve for my hole family
I have not finished shopping and bought my own kids nothing yet .
He can't be depended on cause he is taking her shopping so can't be here to watch his own kids for me to do anything.
And most of all I have to pull it all together in front of eveyone cause no one knows I am going through this . They all think M is being worked on and of corse assume OW has been out of picture since he came home . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If she doesn't know he is home she is fishing for him to screw up and to push my buttons .

This is what he says , and I don't know I mean I want to belive some of these things , although I still say tell her truth . But he insist that she has enough to get him fired from job and is crazy enough to do it .
I AM JUST SICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> They all think M is being worked on and of corse assume OW has been out of picture since he came home . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly does everyone know and who knows what?

I would rip down the curtain at this point and expose this A for what it is, blatent emotional abuse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But that is me. It all comes down to whether it suits your situation. Will he bail or is he bluffing, do you care? Sounds like a bluff to me, but that's just my opinion. It's not my place to tell you what to do just offer advice, opinions and support. Are you seeking counseling? I think this is a must!!! Keep your chin up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((((((3))))))))
I don't even know what to say.
After all you've posted, I'd like to tell you to find a way to get away from him and move on, but I know it's not that simple. Regardless of fog or whatever, he has no right to treat you this way! Please try to do your best to let his hurtful words go in one ear and out the other, and don't let his thoughtless, deceitful actions beat down your self esteem. I know it's hard. Personally, I think I would just try to avoid him--doesn't sound like he's there much anyway, and when he is there, I think I would head for any other room besides the one he's in. I know--that is so not Plan A, but honestly, it's probably what I would try to do. His priorities are bass ackwards right now, and you need to take care of yourself and your kids.

Feel free to email me if you want to
ltlbirdie@webtv.net

Well - I am deffinately in Hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I tried every way except one.

To really and truely belive what he is telling me and leave him alone .

The problem I have with that is he doesn't show me anything . I mean he will be normal to me but I want attention in alot of ways for what I am putting up with .

I read everything and read alot of peoples posts .
Ok so its me , its something I need to work on I want instant Recovery.

He says all we do is talk about ow and this situation and he is sick of it .

I try and explain that if we are not talking about it then I feel like he forgets what he is doing to me.(does that make sense)

He will come home talk about work ask for my help with thing at work reports ect. Then he will go on pc and play backgammon while I am cleaning and taking care of kids . Then he will get off after a couple of hours and watch tv with me . That to him is fine whats wrong with that?

Mean time I want him to help ME and I do ask , I let him know help me with getting kids ready for bed and don't go on computer cuddle with me tell me everything is going to be ok show me that I am inportant to u and that u know your hurting me .

He says he nos what he is doing is wrong and tht he hurt me but why do I have to remind him every day ?

He has a just let it be attitude. Things will come together . HOW ? with no work ?
Tell me could this be me ? How do I just sit back ? I am scared to death if I do nothing will get fixed?

He says this is one of my problems is I want to over communicate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I didn't think that was possible , I told him its one of his problems he thinks thing will go away if u ignore
them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I read here others have ws that still have contact withOP and there plan A .

OK so am I missing it or am I to emotionally unstable to execute it ?

Or is it cause his lies are so bad and make no sense that I still don't have complete honesty from him?

I ask him to help it would make more sense if he said, I don't know what I want or I want to be friends with OW .

This is I want no part of her but I have to cause she still wants me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
MY BRAIN IS FRIED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is very long and there is so much more going on .

Tonight is sons B-DAY I mentioned that a couple of days ago . Dinner together .

But then he is leaving to take her to her christ. Party. I know he is going to sleep there.
Cause of the hole , ow don't think he lives home thing so ow says where u going ? U don't live with your son so its not like u have any where to go after. AND then he stays .

I have the dinner party I am hosting SAT . night
and he is working sat. day .

so after dinner tonight I won't see him till sat. night with every one here.
I will be so crazy in me head I will want to go nuts and can't cause I have to keep it together in front of everyone and my kids.
Sorry this is the only place I can come to to talk and vent . I will also post later tonight I am sure to be alone.

OH MY- STOP being a complete doormat- this H of yours needs to get with the REAL world and you are letting him systematically shred you everyday with the in and out-having his cake and eating it too. It took me a REAL crisis day to listen to scads of advice I got about taking a drug- that drug has saved my sanity- call your doctor and tell him/her what is going on- he/she will help you. I am all for MB- I see my H fog- I see my part in repairing our 23 year marriage- the OW lives up the street from me-I see her.....I see the effect this had/has on my 17/20 year old sons-when they and me realized the part we played in this whole deception of the A I watched the light leave their eyes- so I take a healthy dose of Dr.Phil with my morning MB ideas for the day. I didn't tell my H to get out when I FINALLY found irrefutable PROOF of the A I knew was going on and he had blatantly denied for WEEKS- I also told him I wouldn't ask him to stay- I said ''you think its ALL about you, then YOU hang with whatever happens from here on out'' its 2 months and a day since discovery day- hes still here-we've had a few rough rough days but now there are some jokes ( I tell him when I see her and gold star for me I didn't run her over in the street) and the fog is lifting- the boy I married is slowly returning- I did track down the OW husband- he HAD to be told- that was me layin all my trust in a complete stranger- he turned out (thank you GOD) to be a wonderful man who vowed not to hurt me or mine as he dealt with the blow of his wandering wife- he had NO idea. It was a difficult conversation-walking up to a complete stranger.......he took it well and I was calm and polite. I have tried to help him look at the BIG picture and not just dump his homewrecking slut wife (oh she set us all up - bad girl) and I pray that they put it back together and live on with their small children in harmony. The BS feels like such a complete idiot-I hope the OW h can get past that. meanwhile there are some moments of fog that I will not tolerate- my H chose that A and he will reap what he sowed- some things I will never forget and I have cut an important part of his personal recreation OUT of our lives- he shared it with her and ruined it for us so its GONE- thats a sad bit of restitution for me, but I am not budging on that. once you decide to save your life together-you have to get actively DOING it- you can't sit forever wanting details and talking about it- you gotta move ON- we both know the A is there between us still and we make HUGE effort to get out and up and DOING ''our'' life-minimal chat about the A- it kills us both and takes us BACKWARD. This holiday season is especially difficult for all of us in the abhorent situation, I know and I pray for the 1000's that are in it-for peace-for strength-for guidance. My friends know about the A and my sister-they all support us- the rest of our family does not- no parents involved-that would hurt them too much and would not help us repair. The OW told her parents IMMEDIATELY and they are SO angry.....I have not talked to the OW but chances are good that someday we will meet by chance...........fate will tell?? If your love for your H is true and not desperate, you will find a way to stand up and save yourself and quite possibly your marriage- good luck.........!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says all we do is talk about ow and this situation and he is sick of it .
I try and explain that if we are not talking about it then I feel like he forgets what he is doing to me.(does that make sense) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can definitely relate. Can't tell you how many times H and I had this same talk/argument. Had to start biting my tongue and stopped bringing it up. I thought he would never bring it up, but he does, and now when we talk, I try to keep the conversation about him and me and our marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Mean time I want him to help ME and I do ask , I let him know help me with getting kids ready for bed and don't go on computer cuddle with me tell me everything is going to be ok show me that I am inportant to u and that u know your hurting me .
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did the opposite of what I wanted--I started doing everything myself. Didn't ask him for help with anything. He noticed and didn't like it, started trying to help me do everything. At first I just shooed him away, said "don't worry about it". Guess he started feeling left out and now he does more than he did before. I've noticed that I use a lot of "reverse psychology" with him. I don't know how many other people do this, but it works for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says he nos what he is doing is wrong and tht he hurt me but why do I have to remind him every day?
He has a just let it be attitude. Things will come together . HOW ? with no work ?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H had the same attitude. I asked him how do you make a decision if ou make all eforts to NOT think about it? Also asked him if he expected a decision to just come up and smack him in the face out of the blue one day. He answered yes, then he started realizing how ludicrous that sounded.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Tell me could this be me ? How do I just sit back ? I am scared to death if I do nothing will get fixed?
He says this is one of my problems is I want to over communicate I didn't think that was possible , I told him its one of his problems he thinks thing will go away if u ignore
them
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It ain't easy. Don't be afraid to just do nothing for a while. Don't bring it up, don't ask him for anything. It only took a few days of me doing this for him to start to worry that maybe I don't "need" him--I expect if this works at all for anyone else, it would probably normally take longer. He could tell I was distancing myself from him, and he started conversations about our relationship. I told him I was planning to move out of the bedroom (which I actually would have and might still do). Also told him I am going back to work so we can split the bills (which I am going to do regardless). Basically, we discussed just being roommates and friends again. As soon as he realized how much things would be changing (such as me not sleeping with him, not "acting" like husband and wife) he started changing a little bit. It hasn't been going on for long, but I definitely think he is thinking a lot more clearly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I read here others have ws that still have contact withOP and there plan A . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, they're still in contact--but not much outside of work now. She "helped me" alot with that one! I seriously doubt she knew she was doing that! After the day she gave him the 3rd degree, she started acting differently towards him. He "overheard" her telling someone else about the new guy she has been hangin out with that "doesn't have a wife to answer to" (she meant for him to hear it). Also, H told me that she admitted that she's unhappy in her relationship (well DUH) and wants someone to "take her out of the situation". I said ok let me get this straight--she doesn't want to be with her bf, so she's trying to get with other men in the hopes that one will "rescue" her bc she can't be a woman and end her relationship and get on with her life and take care of herself? He said "right". But of course, he still doesn't see her as being manipulative. Well, I think he really does--just doesn't want to admit that he fell for her crap.

Like I have said many times before, please try to focus on you and your kids. Your H seems to be forgetting his responsibilities as a father right now. I know it's hard, but try to go at least a few days without asking him for help with anything. Let him see that you can take care of yourself and your kids and that you don't "need" him to be there. If any conversations are started, try to keep the focus on you and H--not OW. And if he starts saying things that hurt you, try to just say "OK" or "I'm sory you feel that way" or "I disagree but I'm not going to argue with you about it" and try not to let things escalate into LBing. Keep coming here and venting.

Take care.

Well weekend is finnally over ,it sucked. Fri . at dinner bastered aswered his phone and lyed to s telling him it was his job.

son don't belive him , so h blames me saying it is MY FAULT that his son don't belive his lies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Then H left at 9pm to go be with OW and of course sleept there.

SAT> dinner party - H was on computer and did not show one sign of affection except at end of night when everyone was ready to leave.

After woulds said , that wasn't true he was social .what ever !ow did not call sat. all day .
HE told me when he came home that morning that she demands he beg her back and that he right his wrong to her NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR else she will call me (oh God ,I hope so)

I asked him why would she call me ? She doesn't even think we talk right? If she calls she wants to know if he is home , H wants me to say NO and hang up!!!!!!!(LOL,LOL,LOL)
She told him if he isn't back in the apartment by christmas then she will call me , & get him fired from his job .
I already told him on Sunday that I KNOW he is lying and is still in a relationship with her and the I feel very sorry for him that he feels he must lie to everyone in his life to get what he wants.
But if that is what he choose to do there is nothing I can do about it and I will not stand in his way of him destroying his life.
He said,good now can u stop talking about it and live normal.(is this the alien thing or is he a hole different breed)

So as of that talk I am no longer bothering .
This is my only thing I can do .
1-I can't leave(no where ,no money ,kids could not handle)
2-H will not do NC
3-I will not do his work for him and contact cause then he did not make his own decision.
4-H will not leave ,no matter how many times I have asked,screamed etc.
So now it is time for me to except OW in my life .
I don't mean have her for dinner.

Just that she is the one and I am in name only and he must be home to save face for our kids.

Where is the book on that ? How to be the wife and live like your the Other Women!!!!!!!!!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But if he can be here for the kids until they can't take being apart ,so can I . I have to
there is no way I can be week I have to be able to take I am not going to let them bring me down .

So anyone have anything to say in his defence? AM I being selfish ? Do I want recovery ? Is that my problem ? Did I not put In the work?

LOST- I here u ,thank u for your opion it helped me think alot . I know I do talk about it to much but its just that I was through this last year and made head way that I am angry he brought it all back to me .

I was reading other posts , Everyone says about stopping contact But what about when they won't ? more fog or just lies?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!