Need to vent , had more talks I did not bring any up he did. bottom line:

1-She had Bad life everyone let her down.
2-He doesn't want to be another let down(BUT IS CAUSE HE IS HOME SHE DOESN"T NO THAT)
3- Loves me and wants family
4-everything will be fine if she gives up
5- I don't think she will
6- I don't want to belive any of this cause he is not showing me enough

And finnally If H don't want me why won't he let me go? OW makes him happy(HE SAYS NO NOT AT ALL)
why would he stay with me?
Why did he come home? Why can't he feel my pain?
AND IS THIS FOG? orCAKE EATING? What is the difference with the 2?
I am getting mixed signals !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi 3,
Wow. Your husband is living at home with you...but is dating the other woman...and doesn't want you to tell her that he is still at home?!

That's a real bad situation. If you keep enabling him, he will never change. You let him do exactly what he wants...he is happy! Your husband is showing you a total lack of respect by doing this...and you deserve the respect.

I'm sorry I don't have any real advice for you...but you have to change things, or it will stay this way forever. He needs to see that you won't put up with his garbage.

3scrowd --
Stop living your life this way.

Stop enabling his deceit. Do not lie for him -- not to your children, not to friends, not to family. If anyone asks, tell them the honest truth.

Live your life by TRUTH. Teach your children to live with integrity and honesty.

Tell your H that you will no longer lie or cover for him. Tell him that is one of the MANY consequences his behavior is going to make him face.

I very much doubt you are being told the whole truth -- and I think you see through most of his BS. And OW is definitely not being told the truth.

This all needs to be exposed.

Can you apply to your county for some kind of financial assistance so that you can get OUT of this miserable situation?

I am not suggesting you give up on your marriage, but you have to gain some footing to negotiate the end of this horrible situation.

Good luck!

stray- It is funny that u said , " H is happy "

Thats one of the things that confuses me he don't look happy at all , always stressed juggling his lies. Not sleeping, affecting job , and health.

So either he is the best actor , telling me some truth or is a very sick man .

He no's he can leave at any time and I would not put up a fight .I just want him to be happy and I don't think this juggling is happiness.

Yes I understand what some peolpe are saying about the CAKE EATING and I am not in denial ,but some times most H don't get a moments peace

If she calls he has to run out of house and go to phone and then when he is settled in OW may call back 10mins later and he has to run again and most of time yelling and screaming with her .

(CAUSE HE IS LIEING TO HER ABOUT BEING HOME )

Then has to deal with explaining all to me it is just such a process . I some times don't understand why he don't leave.

Hey 3--I'm pretty much in agreement with everybody else here. He's not doing anything to change the situation, so it's time for you to. Maybe you could plan a way for ow to find out H is living with you, but in a way that you don't look responsible for it. That way he won't get mad at you for it, but it'll be out in the open. Just an idea.

Hi 3,
I have to agree with the others, and he is not happy. If he was, he would not be stressed, he would be sleeping better.

Happy people do not have negative side effects happening in their lives.

3,

It seems to me that you have nothing to lose by bringing daylight to the A. If anyone asks, I would answer honestly with little drama on your part. JMHO.

Have friends or family asked any questions?

OK it is 8 days since ow called and H is acting normal . I mean not overly afectionate by normal . I don't really like that but I ain't going to complain either . I just feel like this is make or break point I think she called it off and H is on vacation so he has not called her so if H goes back to work and it starts up I think it is him begging her. I will see FRIDAY . That is when H returns to work .

They do not work together just close by same area.

8 days--that sounds promising. I hope that she did end it and I hope that he will wake up! Good luck!!

Ok 12 DAYS NO CALL from her!!!!!!-On the other hand today is not over yet and he could have called her 2or 3 times I was not with him every second of the vacation although He made no move to make me suspituos to call her (he was always with me .)

But acting weird almost depressed and bord at times like humdrum .Deos that make sense?

Didn't really fight that much a couple of convosation I tried to have about him changing and he would just say oh not this $hit again and I dropped it , but once couldn't because I wanted him to understand that it has nothing to do with affair I want respect in genreal and for him to show an intreast , remorse and attempt in building a marriege .

H says thing like I just want to do what I want and its to hard all this communication crap.

Its like he just want me to do all kids, house work and be there when he thinks its ok to talk or watch tv .

He basicly eats, sleeps, works , plays games on computer and watchs sports.

We played family games with kids and went shopping once in awhile and it was fine but no real him and me time that what drives me nuts .

I am sick of being rejected ,I want romance I want affection I want sweet nothing whiispered in my ear . I have always been this way and he was to once apon a time . I express to him that even with OW gone from the picture(don't think so though) I don't want this marriage like this and that was part of my problem and I don't think I should settle .

Thats what makes me think he is in love with her UNTIL he met her it was like that . even if he is not with her , if is PLAN B'ING him I think she already won his heart .

I come as close as a human can to being perfect for giving him everything he wants he honestly couldn't ask for a better wife and everyone who knows us has always said it .

Sooooooooo WHAT AM I MISSING except a body like HALE BERRY !!!!!! AND I am even working on that .

Some times he just says well I know your the best and I know what I have so why do I have to say it u should know I know and that I know it . And I come home to u every night so whats to talk about .

(((3))) Hey girl! Been wondering how you're doing. 12 days of NC?? Sounds good! As far as his attitude, I'm no expert by any means, but you think it could be withdrawal??? Maybe someone who's been thru that will post here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Some times he just says well I know your the best and I know what I have so why do I have to say it u should know I know and that I know it . And I come home to u every night so whats to talk about .
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If it is withdrawal, I wouldn't expect anything in the way of affection and reassurance of love from him right now.

Hang in there--as hard as it is, try to be patient. And, as always, take care of yourself.

3,

Keep up plan A for you, and to show your H that he has no reason to contact the OW. Take care.

OK as far as I know still no contact. But I did hunt around and found out that a week before christmas he bought her a sweater and was out shopping . It was one of those nights when he said they where at her place arguing.

So that meant he lied about alot .
1- said they were in all night
2-said she has never been in his new car
3- said he has not bought anything for her

I confronted and yes LB big time , cause I found out some the night before and gave him a chance to tell me where the charge came from and who it was for . He said well deffinately not OW .
I told him I would find out he said ya , ok what ever . Always thinking I can't , like a game !!!
I did and he all of a sudden remebered WOW amazing . Still saying oh its nothing she needed a sweater for a catering job so he took her.

Well he said , drop it that was then this is now and I haven't heard from OW so don't worry .

Ok today I relized something , I am never going to be able to move on unless H tells her he is IN LOVE WITH ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It will always eat away at me that H won't admit his marriage . I don't think I can live with myself and truely know he loves me if he can't tell her he is with me .

I know I shoudn't care how n/c goes as long as it happens but I feel I will always be at her mercey.
If OW doesn't know he is with me whats to stop her from start calling again and wanting a friendship and he will always answer to never let her know he came home not to hurt her and I will go through this forever .

Should I wait awile and see how long this N/C is going to last and then lay it on the line for him if contact starts again, once and for all and tell him then I will exspose this to EVERYONE? Family, Friends and her and end it with ball in his court?

So what do u think?

excellent plan.

be prepared for it to start again.....monitor/watch/spy as needed.

and be prepared to follow through on this boundry.

it is perfectly reasonable.

Also look into applying for some kind of assistance for you and your boys in the meantime so that you are not at his mercy financially. Apply for housing, food, money -- whatever you can get as a single mom. Sometimes it takes a few weeks to get this moving....so plan now.

What he has asked of you is INSANE. Please don't tolerate this for one second longer than you must!

HUGS!

ok- that didn't last that long, ow called friday afternoon and night also same m/o phone turned off for an hour before coming home. I camfrontrd him and of course he said, it was not off he was talking to ow on it on way home she called him.

So I explained that he needs to tell her he is home because of 2 resons.

1- She thinks there is no reson not to call anytime she wants and this will come up in our life anytime and that can't happen.

2- I will never feel I am the one he loves and that he is sorry for what he did with out him telling her that I am the women he loves and wants nothing to do with her .

He basicly told me GET OVER IT she hasen't bothered me in awhile it will stop all together one day and thats it .

I explained that was not a commitment to our marriage or me and If contact continues he is making a choose and it is to show more concern for her EN then for mine and I will bring everything to light on my owen and let the chips fall where they may I am not going to deny my marriage for anyone or any reson .

He don't seem to be affected except to say don't do that it will cause all involved more problems and they will not be able to be fixed.

I can't make him love me but I don't have to have someone I love in my face hurting me every day either .

i'm probably not the one to give you advice, because your situation just PISSES me off.

I'd force him to leave.

And I would do it by calling OW....telling her to be at my house when he comes home from work -- let her see for herself that he's living there. Tell her you want him GONE -- and that she should take him home with her. At that point, he's going to have to leave to prove all the BS he's been telling her.

Then you've succeeded in getting him out of your house.

Apply for emergency financial assistance from your county. They won't let you and your boys go homeless.

He doesn't get to come home unless he follows ALL of the MB steps ESPECIALLY a NO CONTACT letter to OW that states he is choosing you and your marriage.

Stand up for yourself!

LEXXY- TY for responeing I do see how this is a sickening situation and I feel the venom <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I do need to stop and look at every angel he does little thong that I think , he thinks should secure me . Leaves the phone on ringre so I can here if she is calling ( not hidding it ) LETS me see the phone at random when I request , takes kids or one of them with him when ever he needs to leave house , Most of the time waits for me to be ready before going to a store or even to garge so I can go with him.

My problem is all day at work he has free time driving one site to another that he can stop on her and say hi or lunch hour .

and it is his job so I can't call every 15 mins. and it is company phone so can't use all mins.I am fixing that and getting NEXTEL with unlimited radio (he has that and unlimited ) so any time any where I should be able to get in touch with him.

I have to start trusting alittle at a time , I mean what hapens if this A is dieing and all I am doing is pushing it closer together .

I just wish something would go my way , I wish she would call me I mean when has she had enough .

She has a child and she is not seeing him no more then an a hour a day if they are sneaking around at this point .

I mean she had him he was out and living with her why would she except less now after all this time .

I am way to focused on her I know that I just can't help it I just don't understand what she is gaining , I mean if she don't know he is home then she is an A$$ and if she does know then she is a very sick women .

I do have a 18 yr. relationship with this man and a 10 yr. marriage so I know why I hag on and work for it but she can only be doing as a game at this point to make sure he don't make a fool of her and be with me .

TO LATE HE IS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do Love him very much and just can't find it in me to belive that this is someone he has become . I belive he mad a mistake and is a ver scared person right now and confused .

Confused weather he has found love with ow and can't belive he will be giving up the life he had . Or confused that he can't belive himself that he has hurt so many people to the degree that he has .

I don'tknow all I know is I need to learn to just be me and if he walks I have done all humanly possible to save my marriage and never betrayed him , that will be his guilt to live with.

not kiss his [censored] but to exspress my feelings and be me loveing him and being understanding of what ever desision he makes . If he leaves I will deal with this SLUT on a hole other level . I am not a stupid person I have plans in store for her (LONG TERM) if that should be the out come . I also know in event of D I am covered house , kids,and I made the 10 yr married so pension and life insurance is mine .

any dept we made since he is home is only under his name after he came back we refinanced and I thought he would leave then but he stayed it is 1yr home Feb. 11th and every thing should much inprovement first 6 months till she started again and then holidays . so now again no calls since friday (JAN 10th) so I wait again , if ther calling anonomously then some one will screw up eventually maybe she will LB who knows or maybe I will just drive there one day and catch them together .

Ok- she called wed. and needs a ride to court about her bs with XH and child support. Of course H just took off work on Tues.so she was screwed he could not take off again . So instead he is dropping her off and will pick her up when she calls . (THAT IS TODAY)

When he sat down to "talk" about this he is very much like no big deal it is a ride and thats it .
H explained that he knows this would hurt me and that I would be angry and he is "sorry" for that but feels I should know by now he loves me and this will pass .

H said she hasen't been bothering me so lets not rock her boat , drive her there and pick her up thats all .

Well I to did express it does hurt and I am angry that it is a big deal and will always be , because he will not tell OW he is home . (NO LB)

I explained that whole thing about her feeling free to contact him any time she wants and that it will never stop and I can't move on with this in my face.

HE imedately said , don't even tell me to leave if I take her cause my answer is no . I LOve u and I am staying with u this will go away and we will be fine .

For the 2 days leading up to today , I have been quitately out of my mind and last night came downstairs and just thought about it .

I am going to stay in this marriage for better or worse there can be no more pain that is worse then what I have already gone through .

He is my H and I will be here until HE makes a decision to leave . I am not doing his work for him . He says he wants to stay , well then ok .

If they are going to sneak around then so be it but I will be right in the way . She is not going to have my H 100% to herself or the little happy home with him by forcing me out .

He says that A ended and he does not contact her then ok I will start beliving and let her LB .

He is with me and our kids I will make the best of that . If he ended it with her then he will eventually will get fed up of her attempt to get him back and see her for what she is .

If he wants to pity her then fine I don't need or want pity .

I know he loves me I can still feel that.

OK so who out there is going to bash me down ?

This is my marriage I have put alot of love , time ,and tears into it to let some BIMBO have it handed over to her . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Give me her phone number....I'll tell her whats going on.

Unreal.

3isacrowd,
So sorry for what you are going through. Story is similiar to mine. My H had an ongoing affair but said he continued it to keep the OW quiet so she wouldn't tell me! What a joke. I'm sure you have gone through hell and back. A person can only take but so much. Base your decison on your CHILDREN and your HEALTH. Those two should be your priority. You are no good to your children if you are not well. Take each day slowly, believe it or not time becomes a healer as long as EVERYTHING is out in the open. Suppression does not allow healing. Take care. I'll be thinking about you!