My husband cheated on me about 12 years ago with a real eprson, and about 3.5 months ago on the internet. We have decided after discovering this web site that we were both lacking in alot of areas of our marriage and that it could be fixed. Now since I have gotten a new job with a different shift and I work with 75 percent men, he feels the need out of insecurity to ask me questions put a program on the computer to log the keystrokes to see who I'm chatting with and sneak up on me to see what i'm typing also.<P>So it seems that he doesn't trust me when I have done nothing.

INDY032-<P>Hi. I, too, work shift work. It's funny, but the majority of long time shifters at my work have had major troubles with their marriages too, mostly affairs. Just an observation I've made: shiftwork and marriage don't work well, especially if both partners are shifters.<P>Try to be understanding with your H. He has betrayed you and feels maybe since he was capable, you might be too. Maybe he sees in your actions something that reminds him of himself just before he started the internet affair and it's got him worried. <P>Try being honest and open with him. Show him what it is you are doing, invite him to participate. If the only sense of security for him is to install that program, well, do it. As Dr H says, if you don't have anything to hide, let them snoop and check up on you as much as they like. It shouldn't really matter which one of you is the betrayer. The thing that matters is that your H is feeling insecure, and the best thing you could do is to try and help him with those feelings.<P>Get him to open up and tell you what it is specifically that has caused him concern. Explain that you don't want to do anything that causes him pain or discomfort. Remember the rule of enthusiactic agreement. Discuss the options until you find one that is mutually acceptable.<P>Just my simple opinion.<BR>Wishing you well,<P>------------------<BR><B> <I> Black Heart </B> </I><BR>