I am confident my partner and I have been physically faithful since becoming 'exclusive'. In being totally honest about our past, she shared facts about an affair
she had with a very wealthy man 25 years ago. She would break it off, but be drawn back in for a period that lasted over 7 years. She even moved away to break the tie. She married and stayed away from him for over 12 years, but they finally reconnected for a dinner. They kissed, but she decided she could not be unfaithful.

A year later she divorced, and the same man re-appeared. Though he constantly hits on her, she thinks it's cute and he is harmless. He invites her and her best girlfriend to his ski lodge. This new chapter has been going on for four years. We've been exclusive for over a year. He calls her regularly and talks about personal things and asks her out. She will abruptly end his calls when they come while we are together.

I asked her to either talk to him ONLY when I am there, and to let him know I'm there,
or to stop talking with him altogether. Would you consider this as me trying to be CONTROLLING of her relationships? She feels I'm unfair.

Do I have the right to try and control this relationship?

I suspect he has only one thing on his mind, and it is not just to be nice and talk to her. He knows how to get what he wants. Don't tell her this up front, it may make her angry, and or defensive.

I suggest you start reading the basic concepts section of this site, and then read everyting you can. Get "His Needs, Her Needs" from your local bookstore, or from this site, and become pro-active to make your relationship better. If you will start to use the things you learn, she should see a difference, and then it should be easier to talk to her about what your feelings are in this whole thing. There are good ways to talk, and there are bad ones. The more you learn, the more you will be able to acomplish in the right ways. I also recommend the book "Love Busters. These two have helped my own marriage a great deal.

The bottom line is that she should not contact him again ever. But you have a better chance of having that happen if you get her to buy in to the concepts taught here.

Get busy, you have a lot of work to do.

SS

Thank you Still Seeking. I'll buy the books you suggested.

Not only should she not see him but she must also not speak to him on the phone without you present or with you present. She needs to end all contact with this man. If she wants to get away somewhere it best be with you. This is dangerous ground that she's treading on.

Hydra -

You are so strong and clear with your reaction. Would you mind sharing why
you feel so strongly? Prior experience with this type of relationship?

Hydra -

You are so strong and clear with your reaction. Would you mind sharing why
you feel so strongly? Prior experience with this type of relationship?