The OW is going to be at my nephews birthday party this Saturday. I'm not sure how to handle this whole situation!<P>I knew something like this would come up since she's my brother-in-law's cousin. But now that it is a reality, I'm nearly sick. It's my nephews 1st birhtday, so alot of relatives will be there. And get this, it's going to be at my husbands parents house. I talked with my mother-in-law about the party this morning, and she is the one who informed me that the OW will be there. My mother-in-law is not the happiest about it, but doesn't feel she has the right to forbid her from coming, since she is related to her son-in-law.<P>I'm just so upset. I don't want to see her, but don't want to sacrifice going to family events because of her either. I know that this will occur again, and I need to figure out how to handle these situations from the get go. I know it's going to be an uncomfortable situation, and I almost feel like it's a battle of the wills. Why would she want to subject herself to being around my H's family? They are not pleased with her, or my H for that matter. I would not want to even show my face if I were her. But I guess I have dignity and self pride. <P>I guess I'm looking for a little advice from anyone who might have some. <P>Thanks in advance for reading.

Moving Forward,<BR>Need more history on you and your h's recovery. How long has it been since the affair was discovered and ended? Am I to assume the entire family is aware of it? <P>In-laws family members are not normally invited to our get togethers. I think your attempt to discuss this with your mother-in-law (MIL) was good- but is she really aware of the situation?<P>When we were having problems in the beginning, our counselor suggested that we not go into the fire. This recovery period won't last forever- but it is very important for your family to act like a unit. And NOT go to the b-day party. You don't want your H to discuss with the OW why she should not be going. And, if your MIL does know about the affair and doesn't speak up- then she is telling you she doesn't want to be involved in the situation. Don't take that personally- some people are just conflict avoiders.<P>But, by your family NOT GOING it will show the OW and your family that you are taking a real approach to solving a problem. Don't worry what people will be saying behind your back...who cares! <P>What's your H's response to all this? Is he through the withdrawal phase? Start reading this web site for PLAN A pointers. Him not seeing the OW is a big part of that if he really wants to stay with you. He will need to be strong too.<P>Good Luck.

Mving Forward,<P>I've been there a couple of times... my situation being just a little different. My W was and still is involved with OM.<P>Basically I ended up seeing my W's OM whenever there is/was a major activity for anyone of our younger children. In fact, I have one coming up this Friday... 2 days from now... <P>My daughter is appearing in a Nutcracker recital and my W is bringing the OM...<B>and</B> both of his kids this time... <B>and</B> is forcing my 2 boys to sit with them... <P>The first time this kind ofencounter happened... (I wasn't not aware of MB at that time)... <B>HUGE <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A></B>!!! I blew my top... got into a verbal altercation with W and OM(none of his kids there then)... yelling in front of everyone... <B>total disaster</B>!... <B>I was wrong</B>!<P>Since coming to MB... people have helped me find a much better approach...<P>No <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A>... no matter what... You, arguing with OW will be seen by your H as a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A> activity no matter what you say!<P>That means... go to the party!<BR>If you want to totally avoid them there... at all costs... <B>avoid</B>!<BR>If you can't avoid... just say a pleasant "hello"... and then <B>avoid</B>!... talk to your MIL... or <B>anyone else</B>!<P>Don't ruin it for the kids!!!!<BR>This is the worst thing you can do!!!!<P>After I found MB... the second time I had to meet up with the OM(this time he brougt his daughter along)... I did <B>nothing</B>!!! No <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>! I did have to speak with my W (about how the kids were getting home)... as I passed by OM he said "here comes s**thead"... later on called me an a@@hole... and few other unpleasentries... and tried everything in his power to make me upset... I stood my ground... <B>head held up high</B>... and gave him (and W) back <B>nothing</B>... nothing nasty in the least. <B>Now that is <I>power</I></B>! The feeling of knowing you can overcome hatred, disgust, foul language and abuse... by standing up and <B>doing nothing</B> was incredible.<P>This is not an easy thing to do...<BR>But the satisfication it will give you is incredible!<P>When I have to see them on Friday... I will extend my hand out to all of them... OM, his son, and his daughter... But... no small talk.. no <B>nothing</B>...<BR>I can be cordial... but will not be a cordial doormat!"<P><B>Hold your head up high</B>! <BR><B>You did nothing wrong</B>! <BR>Be the better person... <BR>You <B>will</B> feel so much better afterwards... <P>Jim

sad2<P>Here is a little (more like ALOT) background info. the beginning of June, my H and I separated, with the intentions of getting back together. It is a LONG story, but here is a little. H was diagnosed approx. 2 years ago with a illness that could possibly be terminal. Once he was diagnosed, he changed, as I was aware that he would. But he refused help. He became angry and hateful. I tried and tried to be the best support system, but to no avail. He had no intentions at that point to help himself. I planned on being by his side no matter what. When our daughter was born I decided that staying in the relationship under the current circumstances, was healthy for no one. H refused counseling, even refused going to his family physician or specialist. I could not rationally find a reason to stay considering that my daughter would suffer. It was the most difficult decision, but one that had to be made. The affair was discovered approx. 3 weeks after I moved out. At that point, to my knowledge, the physical part (sex) was over, although they continued to contact each other some. According to my H, the sexual activity began and was over with within a 2 week period, although I believe there were other types of intimacy before and after that. I discovered the affair because my H informed me that the OW was pregnant, possibly with his child. I believe my H went to her because of several reasons. She was my "best friend". So she was around my H and I quite often. She was someone that my H obviously felt could help him meet his emotional needs when I left.<P>It still really hurts me that she chose to become involved with him. She knew of his illness, saw him being verbally abusive, etc. She saw how rough it was on our family to try to make things work. It was obvious to EVERYONE how hard I was trying to seek help for my H, and our entire family. Both my family and my H's family were supportive when I left, knowing that this was a last resort to try and get my H to get help. We thought that once he saw that he was hurting his W and daughter, not to mention extended family, he would seek help. Even when I moved out, I called to see how he was, ask about his health, offered to make appts. for him etc. He was allowed to come over and see his daughter. I truly thought this was the right thing to do.<P>Yes, the entire family knows about the affair. My H told select members, since there was a pregnancy invloved, and she let the world know. <P>I agree about the not inviting in-laws family members, my family doens't usually invite in-laws either. My H's family is different I guess. My brother-in-law and OW, his cousin, are the same age, 21, and have been close since childhood. For some reason, she feels a need to be involved in his life. Ever since my sister-in-law married her H, the OW has come to most family events. And it's not just limited to the OW, my brother-in-law's mother and father come also. Brother-in-laws mother and father are understandable, since my nephew is their grandchild. They usually do not have separate parties, they are not very financially secure and live in a small mobile home, so it's not possible to have many big family get togethers. So they usually come to the events that occur at my M&FIL's house. <P>Also, my H and I have a 15 m/o daughter. I definately don't think that it is fair to force her to miss out on her cousins birthday party, or any other family events, because of the OW. I refuse to let her push us out of OUR families lives.<P>As far as my H not having ANY contact with the OW, I think this is unrealistic for our situation. 1st, if this is H's OC, then it is obvious that there will be contact for MANY years to come, like it or not. 2nd, we are bound to run into her again at some family function. I wish the family would understand how painful this is on our family, and simply tell the OW in the nicest way possible, that it is not fair to their son, nor their son's wife and daughter, for her to be included in family functions. I also think her being involved is encouraged by my brother-in-law's mother. I don't know her whole take on the situation, but my MIL thinks that she is the one who actually invited her to the party. That seems very tacky to me, to invite someone to another persons house, not very good etiquette, but they aren't the most polite people, obviously!!<P>My MIL is very supportive of me. She is very sympathetic to the situation, but feels like her hands are tied. She doesn't want to cause a family uproar by point blank telling OW she is not welcome. I can see her point, but still feel that it would be VERY appropriate to tell her this.<P>I wish soooo bad that I could tell OW family what a wh*re she is! Obviously that would get me no where, but sometimes the urge is so bad. I can't believe they feel that bringing her around the family she totally f*cked over is appropriate. Their reasoning is beyond me!<P>NSR,<P>You are so strong!! If the OW started degrading me, I don't know if I could hold back! I think the OW is more capable of shooting dirty looks and such. That I can handle.<P>I agree that ruining it for the kids would be an awful thing to do. It is definately not their faults that their mother or father responsible for them got themselves into a stupid situation.<P>I pray that you continue to stay strong in this unfortunate situation. Best of luck to you and your sons.<P>Sorry to ramble on and on and on....<BR>I wanted to respond with all info I felt was pertinent!<BR>

Okay, I'm still a bit confused...she's a family member. Is your H living with her now, by himself, or back home with you?<P>Suggestion: Go to that party with your daughter. Do NOT allow her to force you out of the family circle. Be as sweet as you can possibly be (take a xanax if you have to!) and sometime during the party you may want to make your feelings known, to OW and possibly other family members...that under the circumstances, you're surprised she made an appearance--maybe next time she'll do the proper thing (not show up). The key will be your sweet delivery/you don't want the others to get angry with you. <P>What a situation! You're obviously a brave person. Hang in there!<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

Moving forward- Gosh we have alot in common! The other woman was my friend as well and has had close ties to his family as an adopted cousin of sorts. She was the one they wanted him to marry and then when things we bad between us she hit-it was horrible and I still hate the feelings I have in regards to this day after day.<BR>We were invited to our neices birthday and she was invited as well. I just didn't understand and still don't why my SIL, knowing how uncomfortable it would make her brother, still insisted on inviting her.<BR>I also didn't understand why she would show up knowing that she had generated such bad feelings from my H and myself. I talked long and hard with my H about why she even showed and he said it was a matter of honor with her. She didn't want to feel that she could be chased away any more than I wanted her to think she could chase me away. I hope this helps with your understanding of the OW. I know the pain that comes with this, take it one day at a time and don't give up. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Lucks,<P>Sorry that I wasn't real clear about that.<P>She is my brother-in-law's cousin.<P>My sister-in-law (my H's sister) has been married for approx 1.5 yrs. and has known her H (my BIL) for about 4. So the OW (BIL's cousin), has been in the picture for about 3.5 yrs. She was my "best friend" up until I found out that my H was sleeping with her.<P>My H never lived with her. When H and I separated, I moved out and he stayed at our home. We have been living together again for about 1.5 months. H and I are working adamantly to reconcile our marriage and move on. But it's quite difficult when the OW refuses to stop showing her face.<P>It's going to be so hard to see her pregnant belly, and wonder if it's my H's child in there. I think it may bring me to tears. (If it does, I've promised myself to politely excuse myself to the bathroom before the first tear rolls down my cheek!)

I had a minute and thought I'd check in and just had to reply even though I'm at work.<P>I can see similarities in our situations and can sympathize maybe not really help though.<P>I can relate to the best friend part (who needs enemies right?) I do have a question for you, how long has it been since discovery? It must not be too long if she's pregnant. In our situation, We tried the being in the same place and just ignoring her but that just didn't seem to work, when someone is deranged they do things you just don't expect. It was terribly hard (it was going to the same church). We finally did what we had to and left which was kind of a shock to people who don't understand the pain you have to endure to be anywhere near the OP, but we are feeling a lot stronger now. However....our son is starting on a sports team that the OP son will be in the same league so we will be running into them again and I think I can handle that. I will be in control of the situation and I think that's what will make the difference for me. When she came into MY church and talked to MY friends and made ME uncomfortable I was not in charge. I think it made a difference to her that we were able to make a decision that was hard but that we were doing whatever it took to get things back together. She has not been acting so wacky lately. <P>So.. my advice.. for what it's worth...go to the party, try talking to your MIL and H and let them know you will need LOTS of support.<P>It has kind of backfired on the OW in our case because she thought she could break us but has brought us closer together and she though she could embarass us into losing some friends but that has only made them more understanding and caring for us. People she thought she could turn against us have actually turned against her in a way. They have all said how they admire me and my H in the way we have handled things. Oh believe me there are days when I wanted to do the paybacks but I guess in the long run, God will supply the vengeance.<P>I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you allow HER to make you feel uncomfortable in your own family she is winning in a way. She has already taken some very important things away from you don't let her have any more space in your life. But you have to follow your heart only you know if you can or can't handle it and as far as your in-laws go, they did not create this situation so it's not theirs to fix. Go with your gut.

Bent but not Broken,<P>I discovered the affair in late June. H and I were already separated at the time. My H called me to tell me that OW was pregnant, possibly with his child. <P>When I found out I was determined to get a divorce, and filed for an emergency divorce. So I hired a lawyer, paid $1,500.00, went to court, the judge granted it, and said he would finalize it after I went to the mandatory "Children of Divorce" class. I went to the class and finished it. But, I decided not to mail the certificate into the court to finalize the divorce. Somewhere along the line, I decided that I still loved my H deeply, and wanted to reconcile.<P>My H and I have been living back together since November. He has wanted to reconcile since he ended the relationship with OW. So he is working VERY hard on righting the wrongs....and so am I.<P>OW is almost 6 months along. Her due date is March 24. That seems like an eternity to agonize whether the OC is H's or not!<P>I am most likely going to the party. I think your advice to let MIL know that I need support is what I need to do. Like I said, I think the hardest part is to see OW pregnant. It hurts to think that H and her will be forever tied if the OC is his.

Moving forward- You don't need to answer all of my questions-just wanted to give you some things to think about. Sounds like you did the right thing by moving out! <P>(Do read Dr. Harley's Plan A and Plan B. Sounds like you may be in Plan B without all the ground rules in place. Those ground rules may also need to change if OW's child is your H's. But I would bet Dr. Harley has approached that subject before too. Might be worth while to see what his suggestions are and see if they seem okay to you at this point.)<P>Have you talked to your H about how he is going to handle the OW at the party? Are the two of you in counseling/recovery? I would not try to take the pressure of this event on by myself. Your H is also responsible for sticking up for his family - if he wants to stay in it. <P>If you are going, and your H is amiable enough to discuss it- that you have a plan in place that allows both of you to act as a family unit. Remember though- that there are some aspects of your H's personality that might not change. But simple things like: (1) not speaking to the OW beyond a "hi" (2) Your H simply letting his mom know how you and he feel about OW being there (3) Maybe if you two can hold hands or stand close to each other during the party... will show everyone a family unit. Remember- you can't change everyone. Just putting the thought/opinion out there IS enough!<P>Yes, you do find power when you hold your head up high- and believe in yourself. But my thought is why put yourself into an ugly situation in the first place? IF the kids are old enough to know what's going on- then I can understand. Otherwise- try to avoid the fire until you and your H have had a chance to really figure out where you are going. (There is never a last chance- these things take time...sometimes giving something time is the best answer.)<P>Like I said before... the recovery period will not last forever- but once it starts, it needs to be intense if it is to work.<P><BR>Is she really pregnant with his child? (that would be motivation enough for her mother to make her come to the party so she/they can get their exposure in whenever possible... to stay somewhat close to your H)<P>How has your H decided to deal with the OW's pregnancy? That other family may be looking to see how your H acts at this family event. You never know what the OW has told them. <P>I just think there might be a lot more going on at this event then you may even be aware/ prepared for. So do think through your plan and stick with it so you stay strong! <P>Your feelings are telling you important things. You're NOT going crazy! Don't feel pushed into ANYTHING! <P>When you don't get the affirmation from your H- it's hard. Believe me I know. But I have learned, I'm not wrong, I am strong, and I can slow this process down to where I can handle it.<P>Keep posting. The opinions of others do help us develop what works best for ourselves.<BR>

sad2,<P>I agree that alot more may be going on. There has to be a reason that she is willing to go to a party at my H's mothers!<P>As far as whether or not she is really pregnant with H's child, I'm not for sure.<BR>H says they were sexually active somewhere between June 12-18, he can't remember the dates for sure. He says three times. No protection was used, but he claims that the pull-out method was used. (sorry if that is too graphic). Based upon her due date, March 24, her conception date was June 30. I have heard from my SIL, that she was supposedly sexually active with someone over July 4th weekend. That would be closer to conception date than June 12-18, if those are even the true dates. But who knows. None of this info is confirmed fact. That is why it is so agonizing!I will just have to sit and wait.<P>H and I are in counseling. He does not want contact with OW, but fears that it is inevitable, given that she may be pregnant with his child, and the fact that she is related to BIL.<P>Thanks for your support though!<P>********************************************<P>On a separate note....<P>OW has called H about going to Dr appts with her, to watch sonogram, hear heart beat, etc. He's not sure how to handle this. I'm not sure either.<P>If the OC is his, he wants to be involved with his/her life. I can understand that. I'm just worried that the OW is using this as a means to become emotional with him again. I wonder if H's guilt will lead him to be more supportive of her than is warranted.<P>What about OC's birth? Should he be the only one to go to the hospital? Should me and our daughter join along? If this is H's OC, not only is it his child, it is our childs half-brother/sister. Plus OC will become a part of our lives too.<P>How would you handle this? I am at a complete loss. <BR>

Moving....Have your H get paternity testing completed. H should not contact OW until this is done. If she knows he is serious about this...then it will get done. No more games. <P>Guilt plays a big part in how the OP gets the betrayed back into their lives. <P>If the OW wants your H to join in the joys of watching an embryo become a son/daughter...then she can take videos until she shows she's serious with completing the paternity testing. <P>I certainly would not allow my H to participate in anything during our recovery phase...until that test was done. If she needs to be given a golden invitation...ask the lawyer how to deal with that. Pay the $$- it will be the best thing so you two know for sure. <P>"Specially if she was carrying on another relationship. And, no you don't know what the dates were. She may have been keeping 2 or 3 guys on the side. OP's can get crazy...she may think your H is the most likely candidate of them all to accept emotional, financial, etc...responsiblity. Why go through any of that when she needs to prove it first.<P>Obviously your H is having a rough time with this. Mine would. I would not create any opportunities for him to see her or talk with her. He needs space just as much as you do. <P>

Moving Forward,<P>I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. Personally, I think that she is going to the party just to gloat and rub her pregnancy in your face. She should have the decency to stay away from you and your H. <P>You said that she has had a sonogram. What if she shows up with pictures and passes them around? Would it be possible for you, H, and daughter to show up for 30 minutes or so, drop off a gift, and then leave? Make up some excuse like say that you and H have a "date". Announce that you two have something "special" planned and must be on your way. That way you get to make the statement that you will not be shut out of family functions and at the same time your marriage is doing just fine. <P>Whatever you decide to do, don't let her intimidate you. Hold your head high, laugh and smile a lot, and have fun! You can always cry later, but noone will have to know. She is the one who should feel ashamed and out of place! Good Luck.

My God...this just gets worse and worse! I'm REALLY sorry you're going through this.<P>I have an in-general question, for anyone...I thought paternity tests were performed after the baby's birth? Am I wrong?<P>As for your H going to dr. visits, etc. with OW...I vote an emphatic NO. That isn't for the baby--it's for her. Too close. No way.<P>I really would make some sort of statement at the party...no kidding. Even if it's just something like, "although I'm a humanitarian and wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy in general, I find it quite tacky that you've shown up at a family party while allegedly pregnant with MY husband's child. I choose to handle it by ignoring your presence." Or whatever you choose to say.<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

Lucks,<P>I think that is the perfect statement. I don't want everyone to see me as a raving lunatic, on the other hand, I don't want to seem meek and dissalusioned.<P>I agree that her presence is super tacky. What the heck is she trying to prove anyhow?<P>Paternity, to my knowledge, is performed after the birth. So it is still 3.5 agonizing months until it is known for sure. We are going to have a DNA test performed. <P>Also, after thinking more about it, I agree about him not going to the doctor visits. Do you feel the same about the birth? This I'm not as sure about. We plan to go as a family if we go at all. If not, why, if so why?

Moving Forward:<P>I had a nice post to you yesterday, but they took the BB down for maintainence before I submitted it.<P>You and your husband should be making great efforts at the Rule of Complete Honesty and using the Policy of Joint Agreement to decide issues in a "win-win" manner. You need to tackle all the issues together, being honest, and deciding together. This horrible experience can bring the two of you closer together---it can build love. If you handle it the right way.<P>Doctor's visits??? If your husband doesn't want contact with the OW, then tell her "no". As a matter of fact, I'd consider unlisting your number and getting caller ID. Perhaps the best thing would be for you and your husband to write a "goodbye OW" letter together (outlined in Surviving an Affair), where you tell her no contact, until after the child is born and paternity is established.<P>I would suggest that neither you or your husband be at the birth, if your husband doesn't feel strongly about attending.<P>If the child is his, you should make a decision on how to be involved in the child's life. Perhaps your husband would agree to just child support, and playing no other role in the child's life. If this isn't acceptible, than perhaps all contact with the OW can take place through you---your husband will never speak to her again, and you can deal with the visitation issues.<P>There are lots of options. The important thing for you two to do is to discuss them openly (without lovebusters), and then make decisions that you both are enthusiastic about. If you can do that, and you understand each other's feelings (and are behaving appropriately), you will build love.<P>I'd also suggest that if the child is his, and the OW persists, that you may want to consider moving far away from this mess. It will be easier for you to rebuild your marriage without the constant irritation of the OW close by (it's one of Harley's recommended precautions).<P>I like Lucks' party "line". It wouldn't hurt at all for you to acknowledge her like this. If you're going to try something like that, you should use the POJA and discuss it with your husband beforehand... you don't want it to backfire.

Moving Foward,<P>I suggest for the health of your marriage and relationship with your husband that you and he have no contact with the OW until it is time for a DNA test. Only if paternity is proven should either of you have any relationship with her. During this 3.5 months spend as much time together as possible, rebuilding your relationship. The 3.5 months of no contact will also allow you two to heal and reconcile much better. Work on the POJA during this time so you have a strategy that you can both live with. Good luck.

K,<P>Thank you so much for your input. This board has helped me out so much already. I need to go Dr. Harley's book. In fact I'm thinking about going to Borders books after work and getting it. This book sounds like it has the best info available on how to rebuild your marriage after horrible things like this happen.<P>I am optimistic that our marriage can become much stronger. I think this has pulled us closer together already. Boy does that sound demented! A pregnant lover making a marriage better! But it's really required us working harder at a common goal: Building and maintaining a loving and happy marriage.<P>I NEVER thought marriage would be this difficult. Dealing with H's illness was difficult enough. Now this!<P>H and I have talked about moving away. If the OW continues to put undue stress on our marriage, we will. We are determined to do anything and everything to keep our marriage.<P>H and I have improved our communication by leaps and bounds. We still have so much farther to go, but we are making headway everyday. I have to admit, some days are by-far worse than others.<P>I think the "good-bye letter" to the OW is a great idea. Like I said, H and I need to get this book and put the ideas to use.<P>As far as the OC, I know that H wants to maintain a relationship with the child, if it is his. I think that possibly having me handle all communication with OW might be the best route. I just know that he and I do not want this child to have ill feelings toward us. I don't know what the OW will tell this child, but we have decided if the OC is his, that we will have a loving relationship without negativity towards the OC's mother. I think that would be the worst thing anyone could do to this child. S/he is the person that will be the most vulnerable to this unfortunate situation. The child had no part in the ignorant manner that s/he was conceived and should not be punished or ignored because of it. That said, I still don't know exactly how I will react if the child is his. Jealousy is a feeling that I'm sure will come up. I'm so jealous that the OW not only betrayed our friendship, but may now share a child with my H. It's like she took a part of my life that was reserved for ME ONLY! That hurts to no end. <P>Enough of my rambling. Thanks for your help!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Boy does that sound demented! A pregnant lover making a marriage better! But it's really required us working harder at a common goal: Building and maintaining a loving and happy marriage.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Not demented at all---my wife had an affair and we ended up separated (Plan B). When she became pregnant by the OM, I knew with certainty that this was the "big break" that I was hoping for in terms of reconciliation.<P>And it was.<P>Again, if you do this all together, you will build love. And that's the goal---good luck achieving it.<BR>

K,<P>Thanks again for the re-affirmation! <P>Has is been hard since the child is not yours biologically? I am a child of divorced parents, but my step-father ALWAYS treated me as his, even after my mom and he had a child between the both of them. I always wondered through childhood if the fact that my sister was biologically my (step)father's child and I wasn't, if her really felt any different about me. The reason I think about this more often now is because I wonder how I will react to the OC. I would hope that I will live up to my Christian values and morals...but now faced with the situation, I worry about my reactions. I almost feel disappointed that I am even thinking this! I think that once the child is here I will see an innocent child and not think about the OW. But I can't help but wonder if everytime I look at the OC I may think about the affair and it's affects on my life.