Found out. Could not believe it. I only found out because the OM's W found an email. Reading through this site has helped me to understand what might have happened, I can understand how I contributed to the situation, but I feel so victimized because of what was happening to me at the time.

Anyway, I love deeply, at times I want to work it out, then I want to shed the burdens of secrecy.

The OW and myself were told it was not physical, they wanted to but he/she was too much of a gentleman/lady to let it happen. Ha, I know different and confirmed it directly and indirectly.

I truely feel wronged by my wife and the OM. I feel there is too many bitter pills to swallow.

Some background on why I feel so wronged. I will try to keep it short.

Two years ago, 38 years old, wife of close to 15 yrs, girl 10, boy 8, top of my career, work in city, live in country, best life has to offer and we took advantage of it.

Then in a few short months I physically fell apart, diagnosed with leukemia. I went off the deep end because were I grew up is linked to my illness, but under the laws of the great white north, nothing can be done, period. Pill number one and two.

About a year ago I underwent a Bone Marrow Transplant, I was in isolation for 8 weeks of treatment, with complications. Shortly before and during that period she turned to freinds for support, one being the OM and his W. She would come to visit me in the hosp. but she was not thier. When I returned home I felt like an imposition. I continued to recieve treatment for complications until about Aug this year. That's when the affair became physical. Pill 3,4 and 5 and the rest of the bottle.

Funny thing is that my body and mind were telling me that something was wrong but I believed in her more than myself. And she new the only thing in the world that could hurt me is for her to be in the arms of another.

The most ironic thing is that this is the time in my life that I should be having a mid-life crisis, not a crisis at mid-life. Gotta keep your head up somehow, believe me, life can be funny.

Any advice to the broken hearted?

Oh, wow. First of all.... here's a hug for you - you need it.

((((((((skewdone)))))))))

I am new here as well. I found out through emails as well. Been there, done that.

What is going on now, though? I guess that your wife knows you know? Is she still continuing the A or does she say it's over?

The best thing to do is read, read, read, and post. It is like medicine for the soul. Buy and read Surviving an Affair, available for purchase on this website.

More will offer their wonderful advice. In the meantime, take care of you. YOU are the most important thing.

Good luck
DB

I told my W that I knew the A was more deep than she has told. I did not tell how or what I knew. She says it's over? There is still some contact by circumstance I am aware of. I want to believe but I can't even trust myself. Not good.

She has a lot of anger and resesntment for me, seems misdirected at me, I think. She's only looking at the bad in the M.

There was BAD in the marriage but that doesn't mean she had to do what she did.

Now, if she says she the A is over, she'll have to prove it to you with her actions.

Have you read the Basic section yet? I would strongly suggest printing off the questionnaires and having you and her fill them out. Only then will you know what was BAD in your marriage and then you can work on it.

Good luck.
DB

SD - You've been through so much, to be hit with two major life issues at once. How is your health now? Did the treatments work?

I can't believe how insensitive your wife was during a time when you needed her most. Where is she now in terms of your M? Is she at all open to working on repairing your relationship? I guess a lot of that depends on your history, i.e., how bad were the bad parts? A little more background may help others here figure out how best to advise you. In the meantime, as dazedblonde said, read and post, learn as much as you can - this is a good place.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

The BAD in the M was that she was the Giver and I the Taker. We were both unaware of BN. Because of circumstance I am a changed man, and can see differently. I was not openly affectionate and honest. I gave respect, support, freedom, belief, everything I would give myself. But I would suppress most feelings.

Guess I need to find out how to .....trust?

I'll get a couple things out of the way so the focus can be on broken hearts.

First, any hugs, thoughts and prayers are greatly heart felt and go right back to you twice as large.

Medical Condition, just went for year 1 tests. Have not inquired as to results of certian tests. I am in remission but for me that means I am on unkown time (not borrowed time). Go back in 3 months, same deal. In short, new POV's on life, love and laughing.

Might I also suggest that she read the book Surviving an Affair as well. All her feelings of anger and hurt are normal for her as well. Surprising, huh? I think you will find out how "normal" all this stuff is. You might also find out that your broken heart can be mended.