Two weeks ago I found out my husband was having an affair when I decided to check his cell phone and listened to a message from the OW. He was confronted and admitted the relationship, and with a friend fell at his knees and prayed for foregiveness. While he has asked God for foregivenss he has not asked me. We have been in intensive MC this past month, which actually began before I found out the real issue that was making him say He No longer loved me. We have been married for 14 years and have 4 children. He is struggling with his feelings for her, which I cannot even begin to understand how a long distance relationship (primarily over the phone and only a few meetings...since she lives in another state) could be considered REAL and Un-conditional! I mean for peat sake! He got to see only the best in her, and she has had to do nothing in raising of his children, caring for him physically, clothes, food, etc. We are reading lots of books as asked to do from our councelor and pastor, to look at our own baggage we brought into the marriage, but it would be so helpful if he would just confess to me and say lets try to make this work....IS THAT ASKING TOO MUCH? Can I hope that he is in this withdrawl period? I feel that I am giving my 200% effort and he is only here for the children (barely)!

Yes, he may well be in a state of withdrawal. If he hasn't asked for forgiveness...you might point this out to him...he may feel as if he has.

I agree with you about the depth of his affair and his feelings...however...he's been involved in a fantasy where as you say, each of them were "perfect". Neither had to deal with reality of daily living and the issues that arrise from it. It's going to take him some time to come down out of the clouds and realize that what he thought he had, was only a handful of fog which disappears in the sunlight.

Discuss this issue with your counselor the next time you have a session. Tell him/her AND your H how you feel...what you think...and then LISTEN.

Good Luck!