Well, Since u asked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
My H met a woman from another country at a internet game. I found out about their relationship about a month into it. I was a week into mourning my mother's death. My first reaction was to scream, yell, and throw him out. That was my second reaction too!!! That was in November of 01. I stopped communicating with my H for a time because I had no idea how to deal with the pain I was feeling. The holidays were a farce last year. H was secretly still keeping his relationship going over the internet and the phone. He would buy calling cards and call her and she would call our home when I was at work.
Then in January I found Marriagebuilders. Yeah!!!! and gained some wonderful friends and insight that helped me to deal with things. I tried Plan A for about six months but I also did some "Love Must Be Tough" as RedHat can tell u. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> H left town for about three weeks in January to visit a friend. It was out of town that their relationship intensified and ours was quickly going down the drain. Although they had never seen each other they were planning.
To try to deter them I even tried to befriend the OW. Big mistake. She was a liar and a cheat and he could not see it to save his life. I also listened in on phone calls, recorded phone calls, got a keyboard recorder, etc. James Bond would have been proud of me. I was determined not to be fooled. Ha, Ha.
When he returned home about three weeks later, around Valentines Day I discovered that he had called her and was regularly doing so. I kicked him out. I got violent and he called the police on me. We have two young girls by the way. And OW may have also been married. I say may have because I do not know what if anything she said was true. But she was one tough customer I will tell u that.
Two weeks later H came back home after promising to end contact. Lie. I discovered they were still at it and it was about this time I was communicating with OW myself. She loved rubbing it in my face and I used that somehow to my advantage.
I could not take it anymore so I revealed that I was communicating with her and she read his emails to her to me. I kicked him out again. This time he vowed never to talk to her again. Yeah right. Not only was that a lie but this time he ended up flying over to her country, a fourteen hour flight. They were intimate and a week later she claimed she was pregnant with twins no less. Yes he admitted to unprotected sex and a whole lot of other nasty things I wish my memory did not hold right now. Anyway, I made it clear to him that I would not expose my children to some other woman's child that was conceived out of adultery. I invited him to leave if he was still in love with her, blah, blah, blah. This fog was so thick a chain saw was needed. ( to sever his head from his body <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )
We began talking and even called and talked to Dr. Harley a time or two. He was still lying. Anyway to make a long story short I kicked him out at least three more times. He was out of work, quickly losing friends and I pretty much hated him.
I decided that I had to Plan B. I wrote the letter and did the deed and he lied to get back into our home.
He started working in September of this year and had access to the internet and the phone. Contact continued until I again contacted her and of course she rubbed it in my face that I did not know the whole story. I asked him to leave and to please just get out of my life. Forever. He became angry with her and for the first time felt bad he said. After all he put me through it took him a year to feel bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He told her goodbye, she sent me about 45 emails he had sent her during our fake recovery number 1200. He sees that she coached him to tell her some things and write some things maybe because she had plans all along. He has not looked back.
We talk about the pain and although we have only been in recovery two months, he has changed. I still am very much on edge and the slightest thing can trigger a blowup. Sometimes I LB big time. I am trying hard not to. Recovery is very, very, very difficult. I went through alot. Our family suffered emotionally and financially. Sometimes we get into arguments because I am truly afraid of getting hurt again. I am truly afraid of putting my heart out there again. I take baby steps everyday.
The best thing is that he is doing everything right. She has been trying to contact him and he shows me the emails. He now refers to her as "that *****". Oh how that makes my heart grow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am finally feeling that maybe I can be safe. We have work to do. Like he needs a new email address and other things. But in a sick way I like seeing her beg. That is where I am. Some days are better than others but I truly feel like he is coming around. And it is really nice when they start telling you that they can't believe where they were when they were thick in the fog. The lifting of the fog is truly a beautiful thing. Take care ya'll. I would not wish this situation on my worst ememy but it is surmountable. And it taught me and him that I AM ONE HELL OF A WOMAN!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Luv you all. wu
Oh and my advice to the newbies. Follow Dr. Harley's advice. It is almost like a script. He really knows his stuff. I liked "Love Must Be Tough" too simply because with my personality it was difficult to Plan A and not LB. But read everything and take care of yourselves. I know it seems like this is a very bad impossible nightmare but it is real and it is out there and it is not your friend. Knowledge is power. Bye
