Okay before I go on I guess I should introduce myself and the situation:

Me - BS - 24
Him - WS - 24
Married - 4 years
D - 3; S - 4
DDay - 12/06/02

Not that long ago, last night actually, I found out after a few weeks of my wife's total withdraw from me, from not talking, eating, physical contact, or anything from her, that she was considering an A with a coworker that could make her happy and laugh something she says I couldn't do the past few years. She is now considering a separation or "opening the marriage up" to let her go out with this guy and others to the clubs that I particular care not to go to.

She is enlisted into the army and will depart for basic training on Feb 16, 2003 and wants to get based after that and leave the kids with me, explore being separated and then possibly divorce and leave the kids to me.

She is saying that she just doesn't feel anything anymore and is overwhelmed with the same feelings she had since she was little that she has to jump from guy to guy, that she can't settle. She thought when she married me that she could "grow out of it" but now that she has shed the last of the baby fat from our back-to-back kids she is getting more and more attention from men and is too tempted to remain truly faithful.

What are my steps? I've got her to talk about it more, and I'm lost right now. She kept talking about the fact she should have listened to a friend that "young love comes back to bite you in the butt", and that the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence".

I've shot myself in the foot by not having anyone in our area to truly talk to and just vent with, I found this board and thought I could get an idea of how to construct a plan to rebuild, and advice to pass on to her about this "feeling of having to jump from man to man" thing. I don't know what to do! And I don't want to hold her just for the kids, because I heard in the long run it's not good for the kids. I just love her so much, from day 1 and up to dday....

Sorry, you find yourself in need of this site for this reason...but very glad that you found it. There is a LOT of information here which you may find of benefit. READ! Take from it what you think may help.

The fact that your W has informed you of her unhappiness and discontent is actually a good sign. At least you know what she is thinking and feeling. If at all possible, see if she is willing to get some counseling, both individual and marriage. You too, should be looking into some counseling for yourself.

It sounds as if she is confusing the "what ifs" in life with what life actually is. We all do suffer from this from time to time. And it's very unlikely that she'll find the grass is any greener anywhere else. The "grass" only becomes greener by the care we give it on either side of the fence.

You don't have a lot of time before she leaves for basic training, so get busy to see if you can began showing her that she can grow and blossom in her marriage.

Not for sure what you mean by: "Shot myself in the foot..."???? Could you explain that a little more?

It is possible that part of this is a maturity issue and not dealing with childhood issues. Another reason for some individual counseling for herself.

Good Luck!

Okay to explain the "shot myself in the foot" statement is that I don't have any friends or outside people to go to. No one to truly talk with. My W and kids are the only people I've looked for support from. And her delivering the news left me without anyone to turn to for advice or support.

Her constant answers to my questions seem to be constantly "I don't know." I ask "How do you feel about me?" "Do you want this marriage to continue?" "Why do you feel you need other men?"

I've read some articles online, I've gotten her to agree to try some consueling once we get based after her bootcamp, but I still feel I could lose her at any minute. I don't know now! Ha...how about that...I'm hurting from it...that's about all to say. She just wants to leave me and the kids...