Well what started out as a horrible day ended up being a pretty good night. after hours of arguing, we apologized to each other, hugged and kissed (and did some other stuff too!) and made up, went out to eat, and did some talking. things might just be starting to look up (afraid to get my hopes up tho). he told me how much he enjoys being with me, told me again (for like the 500th time) that nothing is going on or going to go on between him and OW (still biding my time on NC issue), and he just seemed as if his attitude is changing. i know the arguing is bad, but it did help us both to see that neither one of us is happy with things the way they are. i brought up the subject of separation (maybe shouldn't have but i think it had the desired effect) and he said he really doesn't want that. he finally seems to see that things could possibly get better. hope this is the beginning of a trend and not just a fleeting idea for him! wish me luck y'all!

ps--he also said "i love you" about 15 times tonight!

lostbuthopeful,

I'm glad you got some issues out in the open and are communicating. I'm really new here so I don't know much about your situation. Hopefully I will be able to get caught up with time. I hope things continue to look up. It sounds like he has the desire to work things out. I hope it is part of a trend instead of just a fleeting moment.

Happy for U sounds like mite be some break through just proceed with caution and rember don't LB if all of a sudden he pushs away in a day or two. and if he does don't throw anything up in his face be calm(HA like that is ever easy)

Thanks for your (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) on my post and keep your self-estem high and love in your heart U will make it OW will go away .

GOOD LUCK and We are only human nights like that are good we got needs to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

thanks y'all! today has been good too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> we are both doing little things for each other and just enjoying being together. i'm still afraid to get my hopes up too much, but am feeling much better about everything. haven't even cried once today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

well everything's still going ok. today is H's bday. maybe he'll grow up a little. oops that slipped--lol.

he has been acting really nice--affectionate, wanting to do things for me. i don't know if it's real or an act or just out of guilt or what. and i hate the fact that i have this need to analyze everything he says and does.

d@m OW still calls every day, usually for no reason, but the last few days he is cutting the calls really short (when i'm around anyway, and i'm usually around!). oh yeah and we had this stupid thing going that we never said anything to each other about--i look at it as sort of a way to gauge how much he was thinkin about OW (i know it's prolly stupid but gonna tell y'all about it anyway). OW gave him a picture when we were all supposedly friends (by this point i already had a pretty good idea what was going on), just a regular snapshot and he put it on a shelf at home, just propped it up there. anyway, after d-day, i would start putting the picture face down flat on the shelf whle he was at work (oops it must have slipped <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) and by the next morning it was always propped back up. neither one of us ever said anything about it. well the picture has been face down for a week now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . maybe this doesn't mean anything, but hey, maybe it does.

B -DAY grow up well theres no oops there keep thinking good thoughs . He will grow up .
Are u 2 doing anything for B-day ?

AND the picture thing wow I had simalar situation .

MY wedding picture always on his night stand ( before he left ) and he would always put it face down I turned it up . never said any thing . When he came home I asked him about that he said, didn't want to look at me back then.

So yes , take it as a sign for 2 reasons.
1) He knows it hurts u so he is feeling your pain
2) He does not want to look at her face anymore

I might be alittle lost on something and forgot but breifly refreash OW knows u to are together?

cause I was confused on her calling him infront of U .

If she knows then the more u don't LB the more she will get angry .

dear lost- i understand your joy. revel in it.

but i do have to ask something-how long are you two gonna dance around the elephant in your livingroom??? your husband had an affair and it seems easier to sweep it under the rug(the elephant) than to deal with it. i'm not sure what your plan is. you have dinner with this woman, she calls your husband in front of you, and other such things. i do give you credit for not strangling her but this has to stop. what is your husbands plan for recovery???

3--she knows we're together--H and I and her and her bf were all friends. we are still around each other some (we did all hang out together & go out together almost every weekend until d-day) but not nearly as much.

nikko--recovery??what's that?? seriously, H and i have been going around in circles since d-day about what each other wants and what is going to happen next--he still says he's not sure what he wants but OW is not an option for him. i think he's opening his eyes some and i think he's liking her less and less. he told me yesterday that he doesn't have any feelings beyond friendship for her (whether or not this is true is anybody's guess). affair ended after d-day, contact has not ended but is becoming less and less frequent. i have told him numerous times that we can't work on our M until she is out of the picture completely. he just keeps saying he's confused, and says he's scared that if we work things out we may wind up back in the same situation (him falling out of love which is bs in my opinion--and i don't mean betrayed spouse!). so for right now, i don't know what you'd call what we are doing--cohabiting i guess.

a little news--
OW and bf came by to say happy bday--bf was acting a little unusual. i know they had a talk and she admitted feelings for my H to her bf--evidently they had another talk in the last couple days. think maybe she might have confessed A to bf! H says he doesn't think so bc he thinks she would have told him if she did that. then i gave him something to think about--"you know she was lying to him about what went on with you 2--why do you think she wouldn't lie to you?" he didn't have an answer to that one. evidently now she "can't" come to see H or go anywhere with him alone, per bf's request.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> personally, i think she is plan Aing. H has had hardly anything to do with her lately, so i guess she decided to try to fix things with bf. just my theory, never know what could really be going on.
oh yeah, hopefully they won't be working together much longer--they both work in a factory, both hired about the same time thru the same temp svc. 3 mos. is up now so everyone hired then will either get hired perm. or laid off. she has said (and so has H) that she will probably be laid off--she has missed too much time and she talks junk to her supervisors. i can only hope...

b-day went well--we were home w/ the kids--i got him a cake and gave him a really nice (mushy) card (gift was ordered but hasn't arrived). he read the card and kids and i sang happy b-day to him (1st time in the 7 and 1/2 yrs we've known each other that he's heard me sing) he got all teary eyed and hugged and kissed me and told me he loves me--was a good night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lost-
Hope all is at least the same , but when u where on my thread u said, something about a bad night?

And drinking on a Saturday I am with u u deserve it.

spent most of last night arguing and crying--LBs all over the place (on both sides). think it's pms time. I told him I'm sick and tired of waiting for him to decide what he wants. I'm sick of anything to do with OW. He said he hasn't even thought about what he wants. So I pretty much gave him an ultimatum. told him that he has to decide to either commit to our marriage or end it. we discussed lengths of time and I'm giving him til our anniversary, 12/31. We have discussed separation and decided a long time ago that if anything happened we would try to still live together, in separate bedrooms. He doesn't want any type of separation, even that. So he has to $h!t or get off the pot. I'm not going to be in this same situation months or years from now, waiting for him to decide if our marriage is what he wants. He knows that if he ends it, that's it, and if he decides to work things out, then we both have a lot of work to do. He did promise me that regardless of anything, he will be totally honest with me and not hide anything (he doesn't think withholding info is lying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

So anyway, after all the arguing, we both calmed down and started playing a game. By this time, it was a couple minutes past midnight, and the phone rang. We both knew who it was. HE GOT UP AND TURNED THE RINGER OFF WITHOUT ANSWERING IT! That really meant alot to me and when he sat back down, I told him thank you and kised him. Well that led to a lot more (under the christmas tree!) and afterward we sat together and played a little more, then went to bed (I wound up gettng back up). OW came over (WITHOUT CALLING) this morning and wanted him to go with her christmas shopping for her bf. HE TURNED HER DOWN!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So we were together all day. While we were eating supper the phone rang--we both thought it was OW so I didn't even bother to get up to answer the phone. His comments on the way to the phone were "I can't even f-----g eat, I'm gettin tired of this sh--". Turns out it was my xh, and kids will be home christmas morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> According to schedule they were supposed to be at xh's house from end of this week til christmas day afternoon, but he wanted to change it, said he thought it would be easier on kids.

sorry this is getting long. anyway after phone call, h and I discussed plans w/ my family. we are supposed to go spend weekend after christmas at my mom's, but he might have to work, so i told him maybe i would just go stay for a few days and give us some time apart. he is totally against this, so not real sure about plans. don't know if i should go for a few days and give us time apart, or just go for 1 night (as planned). kinda want to go and see how he likes having some space, but i think he feels like if i choose to be away from him then i don't love him. Need opinions on this one. not sure what i should do about that.

so 3, i guess last night turned out not so bad--seems to be our saturday routine lately. today was pretty good--no arguing, got along well--almost like before all this mess started.

Hey- I guess those set backs are expected but, u are only human and anger is a strong emotion so although LBing is to not happen IT DOES . It seemslike U put every thing back on track (PMS IS A KILLER FOR LB-ING)

I don't no if I have a opion the won't confuse u about the staying over thing

Maybe he don't want u to go cause he is afriad to be alone in case OW calls or comes around.(MOMENT OF WEEKNESS GO DEEPER INTO FOG)

By U being there it may make it esier to keep the no contact going (AND HELPS U TO KEEP HIM FROM GOING BACK INTO FOG)

So I guess MO is to not stay for couple of days it sounds like your making head way with him ignoring her . ( witch may be lifting fog and will be esier for him to make his desision)

On the other hand I no U analize things like I do so u got to be thinking if I stay and they hook up then I can't trust him for a couple of days how can I trust him ever?

JMO don't stay .
Hope I did not confuse u , I am a bit out of it.

H IS CONSIDERING NC!!!

ok here's what happened--yesterday she wnated him to go shopping w/ him and he turned her down. He lied to her (not the first time) and said we had to go shopping. Well he saw her at work today. She walked up to him and started giving him the 3rd degree, wanting to know if he went, what time he left, etc., in front of a lot of co-workers. He walked away from her w/o saying anything but he was PO'd bigtime. He was not in a good mood when he got home and talked to me about it. One good thing about our situation is we were friends for years before we got together and regardless of everything going on, we can still talk to each other as friends. So anyway, he says there is no way he is going to put up with stuff like that from her, especially since they are "just friends". I was laughing my butt off on the inside, but was very nice and composed and even symathetic (acting skills improving). He said that he's tired of the whole mess and maybe it would be better if he didn't have anything to do with her. (well DUH!) Anytime i have brought up NC he is like no way, you can't tell me who to be friends with, etc. but i think he may be starting to see things with a more realistic POV. We had a great night together. Hope this continues!

btw am not getting hopes up too high--i know there could always be a 180 tomorrow but things seem to be going up steadily lately, so am not going to be a pessimist either.

Go Girl , score one for the home team . Keep the cool ,level head ,she is getting ready to BLOW !!!

Just keep steady the holidays cause people to go to the pity act . So her tears may start like like a river that don't stop .

keep your prays for ow to get angry not emotional.

But over all stay focused on you and plan A.

Seems like fog is lifting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

another talk--think it was really productive--we actually discussed how to fix the problems we were having before. We talked some last night and I told him that I'm not leaving him, but I am planning to "move" into another bedroom. We argued some, but did get some things straight. Today somehow we started talking about working things out. I told him that if he thinks that's the easy way out, he's wrong. He said he feels like I don't want to work things out (bc of me wanting to move out of our bedroom). I'll be the first to admit, I have somewhat distanced myself from him. I felt like the closer I was, the more he pulled away, emotionally speaking. And I got tired of being hurt by the constant sense of rejection. I also told him that it would take a lot of work to straighten things out and that I didn't think he was up for it. He said he knows it will be hard work and I think he may have taken it as a challenge (not sure if that is a good or a bad thing). He said he would like to try starting everything over as friends, to dating, etc.--I told him I felt this was not possible. I suggested that maybe we can, in a sense, start the marriage over. I swear it looked like a light bulb popped on in his head. He said he hadn't thought about it like that, that it sounds like a good idea but he does want to think about it.

Anyway, we talked alot about how we can go about learning to handle some things differently, like communicating problems and arguing, and I told him that I had learned alot from this site. He told me he is open to learning new ways to handle things, which really surprised me. All in all, it was a nice talk and we both felt good afterwards. Can't remember the last time he said he felt good after one of our talks.

Could this be the beginning of recovery??? I thought about posting this there (in recovery) but was afraid I'd jinx myself!

Hope Things are still on same track . Happy Holidays and my thoughts are with U and your family Post again keep me updated .

I hope the holiday is clear skies not FOGGY !!!!!!