hi, this one might be one that most of you havn't heard yet.
im just going to blert out everything from the beggining and im hoping for some outside insight from others.
my wife to be has this "Friend" for a while he was almost constantly around her she told me they had oral sex the night me and her sarted going out.
later I found out that she sleeps in the same bed with him while she stays over at his house,

later on she told me that she wanted to leave me for him but wasn't sure i still stayed with her untill she desided.
then about 2 weeks after she had a C stain on her p-j's. She told me that he had a wet dream. Later she told me he did it on her and she didn't because she was sleeping and she doesn't sleep in the same bed with him.
I told her before "friends" don't sleep in the same bed

everytime I get upset and want to call him and talk to him she gets defencive. Then later once again, I found out that she thought her mom was dying and she needed something to get her mind off her. So she did hash with this friend and then he gave her oral sex once again but she says she thought it was me. she refuses to accept that she's done anything wrong. I also yelled at her about the drugs because i don't accept them as any kind of thing to be played with and she stoped that but she still occaionally see's this friend.... and she's always on my case about thinking im cheating on her and she doesn't like me talking to women in general.

Despite all of this for some reason i still love her and I don't want to lose her.

If some1 has any advice they would be willing to give id appreasiate it..

Nutz-

God it sounds like my wife! She also claimed that she was just friends with the OM until I found enough evidence to confront her with it. To this day she claims they are friends, I also told her that "friends" dont share a bed! She is in the "fog" right now and is not thinking clearly.

I am not the best for advice as I am not to far into my plan A since D-day, but I would suggest if you are just dating that maybe it is time to move on. If you decide to try to work it out you will get much support from everyone here, but I don't think she is ready for any type of commitment.

Good Luck

We all know going into a marriage that infidelity may touch us at some point, but we go in with the hopes and expectations that we'll somehow be able to avoid it by working very hard at our relationships. Still, we sometime fail.

But to began a marriage with someone who you already know is betraying you and you're not willing to be in a "shared" marriage...then please think long and hard before walking down that path.

Marriage is hard enough to begin with...to start out with a known betrayer of what you hold dear...is a formula for destruction. jmho

Saying all that...she is having sex with this "friend", he's having sex with her...and both are betraying you. jmho

Dear nutz

It's clear your girlfriend is cheating. She's also being unfaithful, irresponsible, putting you at risk for STD's, and being disrespectful. The drug use is worrisome too. (Unless you think dope is okay; then you have something in common.)

She's way too close to this other man. Sleeping at his house? Unburdening her worries about her mother to him?

Before we marry someone, when we're engaged or dating, we're very focussed on that other person. The more we foccus our closeness, the richer the love. She's siphoning off her attention.

If you think it's bad now, wait til you're married! Talk about a living Hell.

She won't change. Cut her loose.

While I tend to agree with the others' assessments I am going to offer you another viewpoint in case that is what you are looking for.

It's obvious she enjoys oral sex - do you? Maybe that could be part of the problem. Also, I would go over and print the questionnaires on this website about emotional needs and love busters. There is also a past history one that you might find proves helpful if you can get her to fill it out. When you both have filled these out and share them with one another you might get a better feel on whether you think you are compatible enough to stay in the relationship or not. The questions should give you some valuable insight, not only of her but of yourself as well. JMO
DB

I think you should face the fact that you're taking a big risk staying in this relationship. Your definition of commitment is extremely different from your fiancee's. I wouldn't trust her or any "partner" whose best "friend" gave them oral sex and slept with them regularly and also left stains from wet dreams on them at night... Come on, man??!! OPEN your eyes!

See the truth and face it and get rid of this person She doesn't sound like she is THE ONE for you...

Let her go figure out if she wants to be with this guy or you, but she can't have both.

You deserve someone who is willing to give you their 100% like you are willing to give them. That is NOT too much to ask when you are engaged.

If you were my son I would tell you to dump this loser woman. I know you love her, but you can change your mind and go love someone else who is worthy of your love and commitment. This girl is NOT committed to you. She has different values than you and it won't work out in the long haul. Do you think this is the only person you could ever love? She's not, ya know?

I am afraid it is time for you to face reality. The woman you are engaged has been having sex with her close friend and doing drugs with him. She is cheating and humiliating you and certainly is putting your health at risk. If she is doing this to you while she is engaged to you then what do you think will happen after you are married. You need to run away from this person or she will destroy your emotionally and possibly physically as well. Why do you wish to settle for someone who shows so little respect for you. Surely you self-esteem cannot be so low that you are willing to endure such humiliation. Don't be a fool. You need to cut off this relationship and look for someone who you can respect and who can respect you and the meaning of a committed relationship. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head? Wake up before you walk off the cliff.

Upon reading your story and the other posts my first reaction was to tell you walk despite the pain it will cause.

But I would follow DBs suggestion and fill out the past history ?aire. Might give you some insight on what you are in for. You can then make an informed decision.

How soon is the proposed wedding?