Don't know how many of you read my thread yesterday. Yes, I'm angry and about out of love units for my H. However, I guess the Lord works in mysterious ways. I now have a new problem that will take my mind off my H .<P>My son got involved with a girl in HS who was in foster care. She was up front about the fact she had attacked her stepfather with scissors in an abusive situation. She turned 18 last March. My son went off to college and I hoped this would die a slow death. She has shown up at his dorm twice and he has called me numerous times upset over phone calls, etc. He knows she isn't good for him in the long term, but feels obligated to her and he loves her in his own strange way.<P>She left her foster home and her father had arranged to come pick her up from Kentucky today. My son had asked if she could stay with me until today. Trying to help and relieved she was leaving, I said yes. Well, her probation in NC isn't over until 11/2000. The probation officer says Kentucky has some kind of law that will not allow them to take cases with less than 12 months supervision remaining. Long story short -- probation officer says she can go to homeless shelter or jail or find some place to live. I can't deal with this. PO is supposed to be getting her on a waiting list with the salvation army so she can stay there and get a job (these places are on the bus line). she also quit going to school when things fell apart at the foster home, so she is going to have to get HS equivalency at a local community college.<P>yes, she has done all this to herself. I am going to help her get started, but son will not be allowed home after Christmas until she is gone. I've even thought of hiring a private attorney to see if I can "buy" her way out of NC back into Kentucky. It doesn't make sense for the State of NC to force someone to stay in a homeless shelter when the father is willing to come and sign for custody. What a mess!!!!<P>So, I'm in a real mess and not in the most stable mental condition right now. Any suggestions??????

Yes,<P>Do get some legal advice on this...<P>If there is a threat of physical abuse to this girl.. bring it up when getting advice.<P>With all your own problems... being altruistic at this time just doesn't make sense. You have too much to worry about you. No it's not being selfish... just self-sustaining!<P>I'll pray for her too... she needs it. <BR>Prayers for you and yours too. <P>Jim

Hi Janie,<P>Yes, as Jim suggests, do get some legal advice. I would guess since she's 18, she would be considered an adult. That's why her father cannot assume custody. You know, a homeless shelter might be the best thing for her. A dose of reality.

Hi Janie -<P>UGH - what a mess!!!<P>The only suggestion - other than what you have thought of on the legal end is:<P>What about her father? What is he doing about HIS daughter's situation?<P>I know he's in KY but can't he get involved here.....I mean - what kind of care is he going to give her there if he doesn't care about her life now?<P>I would definitely talk to him and get him involved!! <P>Good Luck - this is certainly not needed on your already full plate.....but I know that you don't want to abandon the girl.<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Janie - Agree with everyone that you should seek legal advice. I'm guessing there might be some kind of legal loophole that would allow her to go home. BTW, he situation sounds very sad and I think you're a very special kind of person to get involved in her life the way you're doing, even if you are doing it mainly for the sake of your son. To have to deal with this and your H too at the same time, would make anybody a little crazy. Just remember, we're all here for you! Regards, blessings and more hugs,<P>--Wex

Janie,<P>NSR displays wisdom with his thought that right now, you probably cannot handle the added emotional baggage of taking in a troubled teen. But I do hope you pause and reconsider your attitude towards this young lady.<P>I was like her once myself.<P>I had friends like her, and my heart goes out to her. My hope is that she finds a job, finds a place to stay - even if it is with friends, and begins counselling. She is disabled on her way to becoming an adult because of what someone she SHOULD have been able to trust did to her. Granted a number of her decisions she's made since have not been wise, but I doubt very much that her emotional age is even close to eighteen. She's had a rough life, and it's only going to gt harder. Fortunately, there are solutions to all of the issues she's dealing with, and it does not have to get worse.<P>As for your son, now that he's in college, his plate will be full of other young ladies to pick from of whom you might better approve.<P>Good luck.

I thought your original post said she was staying until the 26th.<P>In any case, the situation as it stands must be handled very carefully given your son's involvement and your relationship with him.<P>There are really good family attorneys all over. The father, or any other caring relative that the other parties involved can give you leads on could also prove helpful in gaining resolution. Then, there's what she wants, knowing instinctively that she can't stay with you indefinitely. Your son knows that also.<P>All the best.

Her father was prepared to come get her the 26th, but now State of NC says Kentucky won't take the probation case because there is less than twelve months of supervision. She has to stay in the State of NC and since she left the foster home she is now considered an adult on her own. The child has been a foster child since she was 12 (sad story) and is a product of the "system". She is clueless. As I said, what a mess.