I am aware of a man having an affair. He tells everyone that his wife and him are divorcing, but I don't think thats true. SHould I give the wife the heads up? She dosn't have any idea how involved he is with this other person. Would you have appreciated an anonymous e-mail?

I can only speak for myself. I would have loved a call, an anonymous email, anything. I was totally blindsided by his out till 4:00 a.m. the last night and the ensuing confession. I had NO idea that he had been engaged in an affair for the previous year. And it would have been nice in retrospect to have had someone let me know WHO and HOW they were meeting. Even from the OW, I would love to have known.

I too can only speak for myself but I would have gladly received any type of message so I would not have ended up looking so foolish for so long.
You are actually providing a great kindness.

yes. I would want it. It could even help save the M. The longer the A goes on in secrecy, the greater the resentment of the BS when it comes to light. Also the WS usually becomes more and more hooked into the A.

I would have been forever greatfull, if someone, anyone had let me know.

YES YES YES -If the wife is clueless or she may even suspect and in denieal it would help her in the long run. Make sure if your going to do it that u try and tell her as much as possibale so she can confirm everything. Also be careful if they find out it is u be shore your ready to catch so slack.

But I am on bord with everyone so far bring it to light .

2ndgoround --

Yes, oui, si, ja (in any language)!

You can see by the other posts that we're not only encouraging you, we're imploring you! Since almost all of us are BS's, we'd have given almost anything not to have been blindsided, to have been saved that devastating, crippling shock to the heart. Do it!

Yes, I would also have liked to know.

Perhaps the scary thing in my situation is that WS woke me one morning 2 years ago and said she had an OM. It blindsided me completely. Seeing the shock and hurt on my face WS then said it wasn't true that she was after a reaction from me. It took another 18 months for me to suspect an A. I still don't know the facts - I may never do. WS was going to tell me one night and was trying to work out when A started. WS could qoute the date of last SF but had to work out start of A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I told her she was going to tell me a lie so I didn't want to know.

If someone had told me that WS was having an A sooner I could have prevented a lot of damage. I was taking a lot of abuse and did not realise it was due to A. If I had known I would have had less of a drain on my LB before starting Plan A.
NS

Yep

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:53 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

Errrr....Yes(duh). I wish someone would have done the same for me. The BS has a right to know!

Thank you all for your STRONG responses. I sent an ananoymouse email today. I have been the BS twice, and I also would liked to have had a hint so that I could investigate. Will let you know how the hair falls...

Im the WS. The one that had the A. I wish to God anyone that knew about what I was doing would have busted me out. I was too sick to get out myself and instead my H had to find out on his own and it was horrible.

Yes if you have the chance to save someone from making this terrible choice in life of having an A. DO IT.

I have a similar question... I just found out my H was having an A and in the process of busting him found out his very good friend was also having an affair. I've never met his wife but I think she deserves to know... only problem is if my husband found out I had contacted her, it would be the end of our marriage. I don't think he would forgive me.

I would have liked that, but I was the first to know since I caught them...(lucky me)....NOT

Of course everyone here that said yes are the type of people that "want the truth". Let's hope this person is like that too and will not let her WS lie and then fall for it. We all know that it could go down like that!!!!

You did the right thing and you should feel good about it. JMHO.

YES!...BUT...if you're going to do this with an anonymous e-mail...please put enough information which can easily be checked to prove that you're not some nut. Because...that is what her H is going to tell her if she brings it to his attention. Please do it with as much kindness and caring as possible. Not a lot of details, but enough so that she can...if she chooses...prove that you know of what you speak.

Yes! I would have welcomed finding out from another source. As it happened, it was our devastated 9-year-old son who told me. To have to learn the awful truth from my own child - well there just aren't words to describe that pain. Tell. -pendragon-

I guess in my case I wish I'd confessed, not that someone had to "out" me. I'd selfishly suggest you tell the unfaithful party to confess by a certain date, and if they don't, do the anonymous email.......but I guess it's already been sent, so my suggestion is a bit too late.

On a related topic, I know for a fact that OM's wife still doesn't know, and he's been going on about his merry married life, keeping his affair with me a secret. I am often tempted to burst his bubble, but don't want to come across as a vengeful OW. I don't want anything to do with OM. It's just sometimes I get mad that I lost everything for giving in to HIS advances, and he lost nothing, well lost his best friend (my H) but got to keep his wife.

Would you "out" the OM if you were me? (Anonymously or otherwise?)

JB

YES YES YES - Im sorry tell his w she has every right and end it . JMO

I do belive he has to face himself and his desision if om wants someone else he should let his W go and if he feels he made a mistake then he has the chance to be sorry and change his ways.

Don't be so shore W doesn't know or supect!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I do know OM's wife has been asking many different people why our H's (who were once joined at the hip almost, and spent at least one night every week together drinking or doing something) are no longer talking. I guess OM still hasn't answered that question for her, or hasn't answered it adequately. My friendship with OM got to the point (even before the PA) that she referred to me as his girlfriend. I keep thinking she must know. I told him over and over again before I cut off contact with him to tell her, that it would be better than her being told by someone else. Apparently he didn't believe me, and/or she's not bright enough to demand the truth from her H.

I do still work with OM though, and my H still works in the same district (we're all teachers) so if I were to tell his wife....he'd almost certainly figure out it was either me or my H who squeeled.....it could get messy....and I'm too afraid of what OM might do out of revenge.

I just figure that if I ever run into OM's wife, and she asks me, I'll probably tell her....but still I'm afraid for fear she punches me out!

I just keep thinking that it's not my place to tell her....really, my reasons for wanting to tell her aren't because I feel she deserves to know, it's because I'm mad he gets to go on living a lie, when my life is in a friggin' shambles.

I can't tell her. Oh well, enough rambling, I ought to get back to work.

JB